Well...I've Been With This Man For About 10 Months Now And He Has A History With His Past Relationship. So What Happened In His Past Is Affecting Our Relationship Even though I Didn't Have Anything To Do With It...But This Man Says He Can't Trust Another Female Again Or Just Anybody Or It's Gunna Take A Long Time For Him To Trust Again. It Bothers Me That He's Always Jumping To Conclusions And Getting Mad. We Have Been Through So Much Together It's Not Even Funny. He Was There When He Didn't Have To Be. He Told His Parents He Loves Me And He Promised Me We're Gunna Get Married And He Wants to Have Kids With Me And Everything. He Practically Engaged Me. I Don't Know If It's To Make Other Men Stay Away... And He Doesn't Like To See Other Men Around Me Cause He Thinks I Get Too Much Attention. He Gets Attention Too But I Don't Care Cause I Believe In Us. We Each Swore on The Bible That We Wouldn't Cheat On Each Other. But He's So Paranoid. I Wanna Leave Him And Forget...But I'm In Love.
2006-12-29 21:15:49 · 22 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
If there is no trust then there is no relationship, a relationship is built on trust and if that aint there neither is the relationship!
2006-12-29 21:17:31 · answer #1 · answered by mrwurzal 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
10 months...isn't that long of a time. What happened to his other relationship? Did he ever hurt her by punching her? I have a gut feeling he isn't going to change just because you're now his girlfriend. He sounds like he wants too much control. I think you deserve someone better. Some one who's going to let you have some freedom and who'll trust you. IT sounds like there's other men out there for you, who are attracted to you. You said it...."but this man says he can't trust another female again, or just anybody or it's going to take a long time for him to trust again." This man needs time alone. Time for him to grow and learn before he makes a commitment to someone else, including you. He needs time to separate the two relationships. Time for him to heal from his first wounds. If he hurt her physically, leave him now before he hurts you. Ask him to find help.
Why not say to him, that his jealousy is driving you crazy, and if he gets jealous again, then you're leaving him. And if this happens, you want time away until he can honestly say he'll come back without being jealous. You believe and feel it isn't fair that he's continued his jealousy from his past relationship onto yours, and once he's over the feelings he has for this other woman, then you'll both be ready to try again. If this does happen, and he's right back at being jealous again. Leave in a hurry and find someone new. Wish you luck!
2006-12-29 21:38:45 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ask yourself a question what is your definition of LOVE ... Would you like to fall in love in a comfort way with mutual understanding and trust one and other without questioning or you would like being watch on every single move ?
Like you mention he will jump to the conclusion without evaluating or even listen to your explanations. As a result of that, it will only lead you to a lonely world where he cannot trust anyone including your friends.
If you are the type of 2 people's world then this relationship probably will work for you. But if you are the type of like people around you with a big group of gathering with friends then I suggest you need to talk to him and understand his past relationship of what went wrong and why he is so affected in the past even though there is nothing to do with you.
If you still find "LOVE" in between then you need to work on this relationship together with understanding and hopefully from time to time the jealousy will go away and Trust will be able to restore. If the situation is not improve then you should ask yourself whether this relationship or even this man is for you.
Good Luck
2006-12-29 22:31:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
you are already at this stage and within 10 months,wow.
Trust is the crux of everything,if your man doesnt trust you or anyone else then there can never be an equal relationship coz the only way he will trust you is to have you with him 24-7 and thats not fair on you and its certainly not healthy.
If you are already having doubts then id say cut your losses and run.
People who have no trust tend to blame everyone else for them being the way they are,they also try and control them closest to them,if you can live like this and it doesnt bother you that he will question everything you do then stick around BUT the way he is is the way he is.
Your relationship is probably the way its going to stay for all time,him not trusting you,you having to justify everything you do,him constantly questioning you,you having to drop friends he doesnt like and only doing what he wants to do.
Really think about this before forming any kind of committment coz this could really ruin you as a person.
good luck
2006-12-29 22:13:34 · answer #4 · answered by freerange00720002000 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Oh boy do i know about this type of relaltionship , my previous partner i had many years ago was very possesive and controlling in the begining he didnt like me talking to males even guys i worked with , i was young at the time and thought wow maybe he does really love me and he is concerned for me , i did get a bit of a kick out of it in the first few weeks as it always feels good to have someone doting over you , but i can honestly say by the end i was a mess , i couldnt even speak with my own brother without the jealous card being played by then it was aweful.
I was so alone , i was totally controlled in every aspect of my life enough was enough for me when i was'nt even allowed to speak with my parents.
What started off as love i thought became a paranoid controlling freak that was pulling me like a puppet and by this stage i was very scared of this man , i had no other option than to leave as i was terrified of what might happen to me if i stayed , but because i stayed with this guy for years he thought he owned me and when i tried to leave it was hell. he threatened me everywhere i went that he would kill me , i'm lucky i eventually got out.( he got jail )
Your story sounds alot like mine i'm not saying that he will end up a controlling freak and cause you endless grief but if any alarm bells are going off in your head at the moment please get out now.
Wishing you all the best
Warmest regards
Jade
xxx
2006-12-29 22:08:54 · answer #5 · answered by jad5552001 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
NB: Don't cut yourself short. If you want to give your full love to a man without the necessity of constantly trying to prove yourself to him then find another man! There are plenty of men out there that can still trust women to give themselves fully to their relationship.
Why must YOU wait while this other man's insecurities keeps pushing you further and further apart?
Don't compromise the ability to give your love fully for the sake of someone who may or may not ever be able to give 100% to the relationship as do you.
Paranoia will destroy ya.
Grab that love you have and put it back in the bag of tricks as it is certainly being wasted on someone who is making you pay for all of his past bad girlfriend choosing skills. Hey maybe he's not ever going to be worthy of your love.
........think about it and head on down the road.....
2006-12-29 23:23:00 · answer #6 · answered by MsEagleTX 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
i've got had the comparable issues of adult adult males interior the previous. i've got been cheated on and deeply harm. yet then, I placed my issues aside, and that i instructed myself that i grow to be in simple terms gonna enable go, and issues replaced. I met a guy, and that i fell in love with him. even nonetheless I did nevertheless have insecurities appropriate to the full cheating element, I depended on him for the main section. one element i've got found out is adult adult males like the chase. it truly is why they cheat. and additionally in case you provide the guy a reason to. in case you do no longer have faith him, he will cheat. simply by fact he's conscious that there is not any triumphing with you. My rule is as quickly as I get right into a relationship (or greater like my old rule simply by certainty that i'm now married) is I have faith this new guy a hundred%, and that i save a psychological tally in my head. every time he does something to instruct to me I shouldn't have faith him, I take a tally away, yet while he does something that I do experience that I could have faith him, I provide him a tally. that's all psychological, you do no longer could desire to write down it down, yet you are able to in case you pick. do this for a month, and if he's at greater effective than 50 % of your have faith then there is no longer something to agonize approximately. otherwise that's advisable to ditch him. desire my advice enables hon.
2016-10-28 17:22:46 · answer #7 · answered by ? 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm sorry to hear that you want to give up someone like that. that is the problem..if he tells his parents that he loves you, then he does care about you. 10 months isn't that long.give him more time and show him he can trust you and that you are devoted to only him. if he dont want you around other guys, he's probably trying to protect you from them. if you really love him and want to be with him forever. then you have to show him that..he may not always feel this way. once you get married, i believe that you should put all childish acts behind you..you remain devoted to your man and he'll soon realize that you are his one and only. then maybe he wont be so scared...he's just scared of loosing you..hope all works out for you dear..it shows you care. god bless
2006-12-29 21:24:28 · answer #8 · answered by Melissa P 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Love is based on trust and there is no room for jealousy. This man won't allow you to grow. Forget him and I am sure you will find a sweet man who will fully trust you and never stops you from social interaction with other boys and girls, gives you the freedom that you rightly deserve, in a free and great country.
2006-12-29 21:20:47 · answer #9 · answered by wizard of the East 7 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Nubian Queen,
When someone has been deeply hurt it takes time to heal.
If he is a good man and you truly love him be patient.
Reassure him that he doesn't need to worry. Show him affection in front of other men and be careful that you don't "unintentionally" flirt with anyone. Trust takes time. Love is easy. Remind him how important he is to you and that you love him. And if you really want to prove your devotion to him tell him that you want to get married and start a family!
Good luck!
2006-12-29 21:23:33 · answer #10 · answered by Rich 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
GAL YOU ARE IN TROUBLE! I DONT KNOW WHAT HISTORY YOU SAY HE HAS WITH HIS PAST RELATIONSHIPS BUT IT DOESNT SOUND LIKE A GOOD ONE. AFTER BEING WITH YOU THAT LONG HE STILL FEELS HE CANNOT TRUST AGAIN! I THINK HE IS ON A REBOUND.HE MUST HAVE LOST SOMEONE HE HONESTLY LOVED AND IS JUST CLINGING ON TO YOU FOR SECURITY BUT HE STILL BELIEVES YOU TOO WILL LET HIM DOWN THATS WHY HE HAS ENGAGED YOU SO THAT THE OTHER MEN KEEP AWAY. YOU NEED TO LET HIM KNOW THAT YOU LOVE HIM AND THAT YOU STILL REMEMBER THE VOW YOU MADE ON THE BIBLE. IN THE MEANTIME OPEN YOUR EYES AND LOOK WHETHER HE HONESTLY LOVES YOU BEFORE YOU REALLY COMMIT YOURSELF TO HIM. IF IT DOESNT LOOK GOOD MOVE ON BUT DONT INHERIT HIS HABITS OF MISTRUST OTHERWISE IT WILL BECOME YOUR CHARACTER
2006-12-29 21:41:02 · answer #11 · answered by waganangu 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋