We have a set of twins 5yrs old and my little boy has started sticking out his tongue when he is told not to do something or gets in trouble. We have given him time out but instead of learning not to do it, he hides behind something and does it anyway. Any suggestions would be great.His twins sister does not do it. Thanks for any help.
2006-12-29 20:09:59 · 16 answers · asked by Feb08 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
Don't pay any attention to it. He is thriving on that. Once he realizes that doing it will not bring him any attention whatsoever, he'll stop doing it quickly.
Good luck!
Some of these answers are wonderful, but others are simply horrible. "Don't take this the wrong way?..."...slap him in the face?!?! Are you, pray tell, kidding me, Naught? I bet your brother will resent you for the rest of his life. Oh, wait, wait, Princess. You "smack her in the mouth"? I hope the state removes her from your home, she's a little girl, what an awful thing to do! I think its horrifying that any of you would hit him at all. And please, please never burn your child's tongue with any kind of hot sauce. I know, I know those of you who believe in this process will say "you only dab it on a bit, he won't choke, blah, blah, blah...blah, blah...", but can you imagine the terrible fear wrestling your child to the ground while he's sobbing, forcing his mouth open and sticking his tongue into hot sauce must feel like for your baby? It's barbaric!
Sorry, Monica, but I couldn't just see some of these words without responding. I felt sick inside. There are always other options, like just letting it go. Big deal. Not a battle worth fighting. Best to you.
2006-12-29 20:16:32 · answer #1 · answered by Me, Thrice-Baked 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
I am a mom of 2, both girls, ages 17 & 19. I don't have a "degree" in anything, but ran a daycare for years, raised my own 2 girls and my neice and I have learned a few things along the way:o)
He is simply trying to control the situation as most children will do by asserting is "opinion".
By punishing him, you are showing him that he is doing something that will "get to you".
Yes, it is disrespectful, and we all have the urge as moms to discipline for those types of things, but in the whole scheme of things, what he is doing is not so bad. He isn't hurting anyone or himself, so really this is one of those "pick your battles" kinds of moments. You will go insane if you don't learn which things are worth the battle and those that aren't. (And you have those WONDERFUL teen years to endure!)
Ignore him when he does it. It is very likely your REACTION to it that is making him continue. Simply look the other way and pretend that you didn't see it, or that he isn't doing it. Don't comment on it at all. Tell your daughter and others not to comment on it either.
Once he realizes that you aren't bothered by it, he WILL stop.
He'll move on to other things unfortunately, and some of them can be handled the same way, and some of them can't. If you constantly discipline for every little thing, then when a BIG thing comes along, your reaction to it may just be another "punishment" in a long list of them, and it will mean nothing.
Someday if it comes down to him having an earring or driving when he is underage, you will NOT want to treat those 2 things the same way. Do you see what I am getting at? The earring can be ignored. Some day he will take it out and that will be that. If you REACT negatively to it, it will make it seem that much more exciting to him. But the driving thing would be something you couldn't ignore. Don't lump them into the same category with constant or similar punishments.
I can assure you that just as he is hiding and doing it, when he gets older, you will probably be glad you don't hear the things he will mutter under his breath when he is angry with you. We all did it when we were kids, and how often do we do that now? With bosses, other drivers on the road, etc. It is a way of letting off steam and trying to gain a little control over a situation where we feel someone else has the upper hand.
So choose your battles, don't sweat the small stuff, ignore this particular behavior, and you will see that what I am saying WORKS:o)
Raising kids is the toughest job in the world! I can't imagine doing "double duty" with 2 the same age! (Mine are 2 years apart.)
Good luck, and remember, if sticking out his tongue is the worst he is doing, you are doing SOMETHING right!
2006-12-30 04:42:12 · answer #2 · answered by Kandi T 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
The most effective method really depends on the psychological make-up of your child. I am the mother of 2 and you would never believe they are related. What works for one doesn't work at all for the other. For example, with my daughter all I had to do was softly speak to her and say something like, "Your behavior is very dissapointing to me". She would stop the behavior and never repeat it! My son, on the other hand, requires a lot more. I either have to punish him severly, or find a reward system. I prefer finding a reward system. To do this, I pay vey careful attention to things that he really enjoys - things that mean a lot to HIM. Then, to correct a behavior, I either reward him with these things, or take these things away. For example, he has a Nintendo in his room, and really enjoys playing it there (he's 12 now). If I need to correct a bad behavior, I remove the Nintendo from his rom for a number of days. That gets his attention and usually corrects the behavior.
For a 5 year old, perhaps there is a favorite childrens show or movie that you could use as leverage. One thing to keep in mind with younger kids like that is the consequence needs to be immediate - i.e., if you wait to administer the punishment or reward, the child won't 'get it'. They won't associate it with their behavior and it won't work.
So, find something that really motivates your 5 year old and either use it as a punishment or reward, and do it immediately each time he sticks out his tongue...
2006-12-30 04:18:51 · answer #3 · answered by jeanniemalinda 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Reinforcement always is more effective than punishment.
Explain to your child that the behavior is unacceptable, and set up what is known as a "contingency". Explain that when he gets upset, if he does not stick out his tongue, he will get reinforcement. You actually don't have to explain it, but this sets up a "rule governed behavior" which will be helpful in the long run.
The situation should follow what is called an "A-B-C pattern", or Antecedent- Behavior- Consequence.
So: Child is upset (antecedent)- Child does not stick out tongue(Behavior)- Child receives praise and a hug (Consequence)
Child is upset (antecedent) Child sticks out tongue( Behavior)- Child receives no hug or praise (consequence)
Give it a try.
2006-12-30 04:24:24 · answer #4 · answered by joecool123_us 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
He's doing it because you have shown him that he can get a reaction from you by doing it. The fact that he hides behind something but still intentionally shows you that he's doing it suggest that he understands the parent child relationship that your the one in charge and is trying to rebel against it. You could be more like a friend to him, when he does it you do it back in a very silly mannor after a while it will be more of an inside joke and he'll stop using it as a retaliation method.
2006-12-30 04:15:37 · answer #5 · answered by constantstateofboredom 1 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Hi Monica
I read your question and i must say that a child will soon change his behaviour if you slap his face when he does it. He has been told its unacceptable, so now you should discipline him accordingly.....
Dont take that statement the wrong way- there is a very big difference between punnishment and child abuse. I slapped my younger brother upside the head when he was 15 for being a wise a ss and it took him completely by supprise- not because i slapped him in the back of the head, but because i dont think mom ever spanked him like she did to the rest of us when we were younger. Mom managed to raise 4 children by herself and not one of us turned out to be a criminal or a low life. Discipline may not be popular as a method of child control in this day and age of "childrens rights" and the "love and accept everyone" climate of political correctness we live in, but it is necessary.
I say slap his face and i bet he will know never to do it again.
2006-12-30 06:23:25 · answer #6 · answered by naughtiest_nurse_of_em_all 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Take a toy away for punishment. Tell him he may have it back when he stops. Everytime he sticks his tongue out, take one more toy. Doesn`t matter if he soon has none to play with. He will get the message you mean for him to stop sticking his tongue out.
2006-12-30 04:13:30 · answer #7 · answered by Sparkles 7 · 1⤊ 2⤋
with my own i chuckled and ignored it. it is just another stage and it will pass. but seriously act as if you dont see it and it should stop cuz he is only doing it for attention.
2006-12-30 04:20:20 · answer #8 · answered by blondie 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
hot sauce, put just a bit believe me after the first of second time he'll learne
2006-12-30 04:11:54 · answer #9 · answered by cvegas229 5 · 2⤊ 2⤋
Hit his tongue with something very spicy or very bitter.
2006-12-30 04:11:26 · answer #10 · answered by Mickey Mouse Spears 7 · 3⤊ 2⤋