step mom doesnt know what to do help please?

Question

so i got married about 4 weeks ago to a man i absolutly adore. he has 2 15 year olds. 1 his blood and 1 was his sisters that he took custody of. they are both great kids if it wasnt for his adoptive daughter who has the i dont give a **** attitude. she is into drugs drinking, smoking pot, and smoking cigerets. on top of it she sneaks out all the time. i think the 2 worst parts about it is she has skipped so much school she has been court ordered to go. and is having sex. to top it all off we checked her myspace account to loan be hold our house #,cell #'s and home address also the school she goes to. i have tried to give him ideas on what to do with her. from grounding to rehab you name it i have thought of it. i even installed a monitoring system on the computer to watch her every move. but he never fully follows throu with punishment with her. it has gotten so bad its driving us a part needless to say hes 34 and im 21 so only 6 yrs older than the kids. so i have no athority

Answer 1

First off, get rid of your computer. She doesn't need a MySpace page. Do it yourself if you have to. Rip the thing out of the wall! If she has a cellphone, take that away too. Why should she have luxury items if she's skipping school to the point of being ordered by the court to attend? Your husband could very well go to jail for her not going to school. If she's really doing all these things and she's truly out of control, tell you husband point blank that he needs to take a real hold of the situation and either send the kid to rehab or some boot camp. If he doesn't do something soon, the state will be more than happy to step in and send them both to jail. Also point out that you're newlyweds and this isn't helping matters. He really needs to take some decesive action and stop worrying if he's going to upset her or if she'll hate him. If he can't stand up and face this head on, you need to think about leaving. Things are only going to get worse if he continues to do nothing.

Answer 2

CleverGirl has a point.
get rid of the computer.

i think u should get some advice from ppl, like parents who've gone through similar stuff.

plus, u hav an advatage : you're only 6 years older than her, so try to sit down sometime and have a good girl to girl chat; find out her problems, and ensure her that you're here to help.
true, it ain't gonna b easy, and u'll need a LOT of patience, and have to be very very careful. oh, & who says u don't have authority? u do - just c that u use it properly.

and btw, don't listen to what the others say about getting a divorce - if he's the right guy for u, stick with him, and find a solution to your problems. think of it as a challenge!
and hey - i'll pray for u! good luck....

Answer 3

YOU made the choice to marry into this. NOW you want to complain about it? See the funny thing is that when you get involved with a man who has a past his past is part of the package. Obviously he never disciplined the kids when they were younger, trying to do so now it a waste of time and effort. If there was any form of discipline when they were younger there would be no need to try and figure out forms of "punishment" which at this stage of the game are useless anyway. So I suggest you Get through as best you can until this girl is 18 and can legally leave the residence or you end your marriage now, because this is what you married into.

Answer 4

Wow. What a jam. I think it'll be hard for you for a long time, until you can somehow explain to him that you're not judging and you're not pointing fingers, you're concerned. Maybe would be a good idea to remind him that you were in hight school alot more recently than he was, and that things are different. I'm only 29 and I'll tell you what, it's alot different than it was for me too! I think maybe a heart to heart with your step daughter might be nice too, if she'll talk to you and let you in. You should print these two peoms and mail them to her annonmously. They're terrific and will get her thinking. And, best yet, she won't know they're from you. My favorite one can be found at www.desiderata.com and the other is called "If" by Rudyard Kipling. They both helped me out during those awful high school years. Good luck.

Answer 5

As long as youre contributing to paying the bills that are keeping a roof over her head, you do have authority. And i would give him and ultimatum, i understand you adore him, but unless you want to put up with this for the next three years, if she doesnt stay there longer, cuz you know he wont follow thru with making her move out either, you need to tell him to start disciplining her, or you go. i know its harsh, but you shouldnt have to watch her all the time, he took the responsibility of caring for her, he needs to man up and act like the father instead of making you look like the bad a**. Good luck.

Answer 6

You need to confront your husband fully on this and tell him how much it's effecting you. Seek counseling on this.
Send that little bi*ch to bootcamp, it works for some out of control teens.
Good luck!
If this doesn't work then leave, even if it's for alittle while to show him how fed up you are.

Answer 7

Clever Girl is right on target . If something isn't done soon things will only get worse. Remind your husband that he (or both) of you can and will be held legally responsible for this child and her actions. Good luck!

Answer 8

i could recommend which you bypass to a buddies homestead and phone the government. tell them each and every thing that he's doing and refuse to bypass lower back with him. Is your father interior the image? if so call him and tell him whats happening. If not perhaps you have yet another kinfolk member which you would be able to tell and that they are going to shop you from him. despite you do do not enable him shop doing it. tell somebody. maximum abusers inform you they are going to do worse to scare you from telling somebody. think of roughly it. in case you tell somebody then they are going to be watching him and he won't be waiting to do something worse. bypass away now and get help. sturdy luck

Answer 9

I wish you knew what you were getting into.Your husband has to do whatever needs to be done.Not much you can .Just protect yourself and wait for your husband to wake up.

Answer 10

` 0HHH N0 HE NEEDS T0 KiCC THAT PSYCH0 PATHEiC ` H0E T0 THA CURB. SHE NEEDS T0 BE KiCKED 0UT THA H0USE i MEAN iF SHES GR0WN EN0UGH T0 DRiNK, HAVE SEX, SM0KE AND EVERYTHiNG ElSE, THEN SHE MUST BE 0lD EN0UGH T0 BE KiCKED 0UT!