My mother just recently had brain surgery, so all of her hormones, emotions, everything are all out of wwhack. My family cannot handle her anymore i have tried my hardest to help my mom out when she needs help, and help my dad when hes sad at the fact that my mother isnt the same anymore, my mom just seems to think we are not a family anymore so she wants a divorce. i hate to leave her on her own because she is not well, and i hate to leave my dad because i know he needs someone there for him too, i love them both, and im so confused where i just wana live by myself and be alone ... is it wrong to feel that???
2006-12-29 19:14:27 · 10 answers · asked by justin3067 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
No of course not! You have every right to feel that way. but you also have to consider your parents. If your mom really wants a divorce then you can't really stop her. All you can do is make the divorce easier on both of them and youself. If you can, try to share equal time between both parents. It doesn't mean you have to live with them or anything.. just visit once in awhile. =]
sorry about your parents.. but I hope everything goes well in the end!
2006-12-29 19:18:27 · answer #1 · answered by xiaoxlili 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Ok, I am so sorry you are having to deal with all of this. I guess the first thing I would say is give it time. Sometimes parents are stupid and say things that they think they mean in order to try to prepare you and then realize it isn't really as bad all the time as it was at that moment and they decide to stick it out. And a lot of the time there is stuff going on, hurt feelings, resentments, that you can't know about or even understand unless you are in the relationship. Your mom may feel like she is always the caregiver, and why isn't your dad taking care of her now when she needs him. This is a big deal for women. We don't want to feel alone in our own family, and no matter what you do as much as your mom apprecitates it, you aren't here husband, her partner, so she feels abandonded.
Your Dad may feel like where is my wife who handles everything? Who is this needy angry woman who is constantly at me about something? I am doing the best I can.
They are both right and they are both wrong. And they might come around. Things may change on both sides as your mom continues to heal. But if they don't you need to choose the situation that is best for you. The place that will give you the greatest stability. Of course you love them both, they know that. So look at other things. Who would stay in the house where you live now? You have your friends and school there. Your stuff is there how you like it. That is a big deal. What is your parents work schedule like? If your Dad works late and can't be there then you might work something out where you live with your mom or go home to her and spend that time with her until he does get home. If your mother needs medical care and cannot cook and care for you, you don't need to be there. You don't need to worry there will be a medical issue you have to deal with or take on more responsiblity in the caring for a home. Look at the things will affect your daily life. Make a decision based on that. Then if your parents try to sway you with emotion you can sit down and talk to them about your reasons.
I hope it all works out. Good Luck
2006-12-30 04:33:32 · answer #2 · answered by micheletmoore 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My heart goes out to you. You are in a real sad situation. Sometimes life throws situations at us in which we have no control over. We cant control the actions of others. When it comes to parents, their actions will have an affect of us. My first advise is to ask God to save your family from divorce and to heal your mother. Secondly, dont feel like it is your responsibility to save the relationship. That is thier job. Divorced or married, they will always be your parents. Dont take sides. Let them both know that you are there for them and that you love them both, no matter what they decide. Parents are imperfect just like the rest of us and they will make wrong decisions here and there. This may be a temporary situation, you dont know. Please dont withdraw and be a loner. Find a pastor, or some close friends and talk about this. Keep your heart clean of any bitterness or resentment towards your parents. Children of divorce often feel like the divorce is their fault. Dont feel like that. Also, there are support groups that are sponsered by communities and churches that have weekly meetings and they are for people that are going thru the same things that you are going thru. Finally, talk to your parents and let them know how you are feeling about what is going on and let them know that you are available to help in any way possible. Hope this helps. :)
2006-12-30 03:34:30 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Family is family. My sisters and I, all help our elderly parents. One sister who's about 60, visits and calls daily, brings food in and other items. Myself and my other sis, both need to travel every few months for a visit, and of course, call on the phone. Your situation- can your mother take care of herself? How old are you? Can you move close-by and check on mom with daily visits and phone calls or does she need more help. If she just had brain surgery, she may need a period of adjustment. This situation is a big strain on YOU- but she is your mother. The objective is the let her live as best, doing the most she can for herself, but if she needs help- you supply the help as best you can.
2006-12-30 03:24:59 · answer #4 · answered by regwoman123 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You should take the initiative and talk to her doctor to get an idea of what the side effects of her operation are.Also get get advise on
what the side effects of any medication might be and you have to be prepared to do this independently of her.It is not wrong to feel the way you do.If you are brave enough to front this problem now you quite capable of putting questions to a doctor.Don't just ask on here
ask if you can see a doctor now I don't suggest her doctor but you consult someone else and get that information.
I HOPE THAT HAS HELPED AND GOD BLESS YOU.
2006-12-30 03:35:10 · answer #5 · answered by melbournewooferblue 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I'm very sorry about your parents. That is a very difficult situation but you are NOT responsible for making them better. They should seek professional counseling, that it way too much to be putting on their son and it's not right. They are your parents not your peers and you don't need to be in the middle of their marriage/divorce. Absolutely live on your own, it's not selfish or unreasonable. Good luck to you
2006-12-30 03:40:23 · answer #6 · answered by Bella 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Divorce is not pretty at all. I have experienced it twice, and also my parents after 26 years of marriage. You will feel all types of emotions at this time and a good place to seek help is to carefully find a source of outlet for debriefing.
A counsellor or church representative/pastor (usally free) will be able to steer you in these difficult times. Please don't make discissions in an emotional state, take time to think things through.
Maybe you can get your parents involved in marriage counselling nearby to where you live. Look into your local phone directory for services available to you. Don't rush and take your time.
2006-12-30 03:24:19 · answer #7 · answered by like_to_know_more 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
IF you are under 18 you need to go with the one that will best support you. Your job is to get to adult hood and become the best person you can. it is their job to take care of you. If your life is ruined now then there will be 3 people (mom, dad, you) to take care of instead of 2 (mom,dad).
2006-12-30 03:18:30 · answer #8 · answered by hogie0101 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If its her illness that's making her talk about divorce then she should really see a doctor. My mum went a bit crazy before a major stroke that left her in a nursing home. So please if she has some form of mental illness that's causing all this get your dad to get her help before its too late.
2006-12-30 06:14:10 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
do not feel selfish for wanting to be alone, you cant keep running around trying to hold your family up life is all about enlightenment and situations happen to us because we need to learn from them! so sometimes you have to let the people you love fall so they can learn their lesson and be on their own journey just be happy in your own life and let them know that you are there if they need you!
2006-12-30 03:23:53 · answer #10 · answered by Sweet_Miss_Toni 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋