How do I overcome being shy?

Question

I'm physically fit, well-read, and well-educated. Yet, I cannot seem to get women interested in me. I'm shy and awkward around women, have been since I was in my teens(I'm 30 now). I was always the nerdy one in class, or in any social setting. I'm always thinking that whatever girl I'm interested in won't be interested in me, or she'll laugh right in my face.
Basically, as you can see, I'm a mess. Does anyone have any advice on how to overcome my shyness?

Answer 1

Dude...all I can say is to realise what the problem is and do the right thing to solve it.... The right thing in this case is to overcome your inhibitions... It is sometimes so obvious that we do not want to hear it repeated back to us. you have already realised what the problem is ... "that you are shy around women". I would recommend getting over your inhibitions about rejection... go get deliberately rejected and then you will realise that it was not the end of the world after all... It is like falling down while trying to walk while you were a baby...did you care about falling down at all... all you cared about was walking and then running.... now that you have grown up you are afraid of falling down.. don't you want to "run"..then accept that you will have to fall down sometimes.. it is all for good. if it helps.. take "baby' steps like "talking to girls that you know for sure will not turn down talking to you"... "or try to show interest in girls that you really do not have any interest in" that way you when you get rejected you will not care anyways and you would have learnt that rejection is not painful.(on the upside you might start liking these girls). It is pain only if you think so.try to be friends with them and don't try to "go for the kill all the time" regardless of how much that macho behavior is celebrated in pop culture. Be prepared to walk away if they say no... No means no.. Live and Learn from your failures but don't care too much about failures... no one died did they? instead constantly tweak & practice your conversational skills. hope this helps since I was like you sometime back....blowing up my chance with this amazing girl by trying to "go for the kill".. I have gotten over her because she was not interested in having an open dialogue about what happened and I don't see how I can spend my life with such an immature person.
Bottomline:Do whatever it takes to do the right thing... the girl likes you dressed up without glasses .. hey then lose the glasses and do just that. Give her what she wants in order to get what you want. Set aside what you want for a moment and start listening to what she is saying about what she wants. How do you know what she wants.. hey talk to her and ask her.. Be a problem-solver instead of wringing your hands. You know what the problem is ... so go solve it.

Answer 2

My friend, the answer is simple, yet complicated. You have to shed your fear of rejection. I was much like you once, had a hard time even talking to a woman. You have to understand the worst that will happen, if you're decent, is they say no. If that happens, move on, don't worry about it. Confidence is good start with women. Most women want someone who can take charge when necessary and get things done. If you have an issue with some feature about yourself, look at some others that are great. Most women will overlook a little flaw if you make up for it in another way. If there is a flaw in your personality, don't just stare at it and think about how much you hate, find a way to strengthen yourself. If all goes well and you can change your ways, don't sway the other way and become overbearing. Good luck and best of wishes.

Answer 3

Two things that may help.
1. Do not become too keen to become close friends with new people - they will expect that next time you meet, you will want to become more intimate. Just be cool!
2. Being a good conversationalist helps put others at ease and practice makes perfect. (I know - when your shy this is hard)
Try talking to children, they love to talk / they are not judgemental / and you learn how to listen.
Learning to listen is one of the great skills in the art of conversation. The rest will follow.
You do not need to feel an attraction to someone, to engage in a meaningful discussion and this is all experience, for the time when there will be an attraction...

Answer 4

Practice, Practice, Practice.

Start slow. Just hang out with friends. Don't have many, find some. Clubs, Libraries, the Gym, whatever. Get out there and mix it up. Ask the librarian about book recommendations. Talk to your waitress, ask her opinion on what foods best - I recently tried to give one of my friends away to our waitress at Chili's. She didn't really want him, but thanked me anyway.

A friend & I had a great time joining a fitness class with nothing but women in it. We weren't after dates - It was actually a good class - but, we had fun & were comfortable in it. Yes, the girls laughed at us sometimes - but, sometimes, that's ok.

The idea being, don't start off trying to make every situation a romantic one. Just be friendly, talk to people and work on your communication skills. And, for the most part, be yourself. Expect to be awkward at first. It's a learning experience. You don't go from zero to 007 right away. It takes time.

Answer 5

My son was very insecure and shy in his teen years. I made him take an acting class and he was very angry at me about it and even tried to drop out of it. But after a few weeks he began to have self confidence and as time went on he became very out going and had lots of friends Now he is married to a very beautiful girl and is about your age. He is in a career where he can hire and fire, and deals with lots of people. He has told me that he was glad that I pushed him into taking that acting class, because he belives he would have turned into a geek sitting in front of his computer for the rest of his life. So, I'm giving you the same advice. Take an acting class, it will build your confidence and who knows, you might meet some pretty girls at the class too.

Answer 6

G'day Rudy, Ask yourself what is it that makes you feel shy. Have a long look. When you can see what it is then work on strengthening it. Don't assume that girls don't want to go out with you. Firstly to assume makes an *** of u and me. Let them answer for themseves by not taking away the opportunity for them to answer. They then have the chance to say yes or no it's their choice not yours.

Good luck and good hunting.

Answer 7

Drive around in a Bimmer or Merc....then you dun have to talk..woman will come....
Jez kiddin..i was a shy guy myself...but after doing public speaking and became a trainer (at work) ...shyness some how disappeared....MORE confident now talkin to ppl...especially gals...

Answer 8

Stay confident at all times and just be yourself.Just remember that rejection will always be there.Everybody has been rejected in there lifetime.We are all human beings and each one of us has flaws.Don't be afraid you'll be fine.

Answer 9

Well I got over my shyness with flirting by realizing that if things don't go so well that I probably wont see that person ever again. Without risks life is no fun.

Answer 10

Luck always favour the bold. there is only one possible thing to overcome on your shyness that you stop thinking about results. if you try and she refuse mean you will not get her, same like you are not trying and you are not getting her. so why dont try?