How can I cope with this?

Question

Throughout my whole life, I had few friends and have never had a sexual relationship with someone of the opposite sex even though I wanted those things. I felt like I just couldn't be a good friend to anyone. My parents noticed when I was very young that I was socially withdrawn. I knew this was a problem, but I became painfully aware of it when a coworker and friend tried to get me to come out of my shell. I was forced to see myself for what I was and I didn't like it at all. Recently, I stumbled across the term Asperger's syndrome and I think that I may have it. I have not been diagnosed, but I just can't deal with the idea that I may have a form of autism. I'm 32 years old now, and I feel that trying to form friendships and even a sexual relationship is out of reach because someone my age should have done these things a long time ago and nobody would accept somebody like me. I asked a similar question a few days ago in whether I should kill myself because I felt so bad.

Answer 1

Killing yourself is never the answer, and is very permanent. Make an appointment with your doctor and tell him/her what you think. They'll run tests on you to find out what's up, giving you peace of mind. It might be that there's something physical, and that the right medication can set everything right. I've just found out that the reasons for my erratic heartbeat aren't heart disease, but sleep apnea, which can be fixed with wearing a special mask to bed, helping me breathe better. You see, sometimes our imagination gets carried away with thinking we've got this very bad disease, then find out it was something very simple and fixable. Sometimes things aren't as bad as they seem. And what makes you think that someone your age should have done certain things a long time ago. Who makes these rules anyway? If we all listened to everything we've ever heard, and believed it, we'd all be a basket case. It's all a matter of degrees. What you're going through isn't as bad as someone who's having relationships, yet constantly having break-ups because of unfaithfulness. Yet, what's happening to you is worse than what's happening to me, because I've got my answers, and you're still trying to work through it. It really pains me to hear you speak of suicide, and that you feel no one would accept "somebody like me". What, do you have six legs and one eye in the middle of your forehead? Do you, like, spit on strangers as you walk down the street? Maybe you should be glad you haven't had sex with anyone yet. Sex is often overrated, and has ruined many a good relationship. At any rate, you don't sound like a moron, who likes to go around hurting people. It sounds like you're a very caring, sensitive person, who just may need to find out some answers from someone more qualified than the majority of people you'll find on this site. Just remember, God don't make junk. You're here for a reason, even if it's to being one of the caring, sensitive people that the world needs more of. <*)))><

Answer 2

Signs of Aspergers also would include intense interest on a subject where you talk about it a lot. It's more than being withdrawn. It's not understanding the social rules (e.g. conversational turn taking). It sounds like you have something else going on. IF you do really want to cope with it, you should go to a mental health specialist. A counselor, psychologist, or psychiatrist could help. It really doesn't matter that you haven't done these things yet. I mean, will you feel any better about it at 42? 52? The time is now. IF you want these things, go to a professional, and stop the "it's too late" thoughts. In 40 years, then it's too late. If you do want friends, go out with those coworkers and begin to meet some of their friends. You will be loved.

Answer 3

I deal with patients like this every once in a while. NO - you should not kill yourself. It won't solve anything and your family will be the ones who suffer the most. Think about them. Until a doctor diagnoses you with Asperger's Syndrome, don't let it affect you. You may be stressing over it and you may not even have it.

You may be 32 years old. But forming friendships is never too late. And having a sexual relationship with someone isn't something that you should have done a while ago. It just means that you haven't found the right person yet.

When your co-workers want to go out and they ask you, you will feel stressed or withdrawn. But go out anyways. Soon, they will be wanting to go out more and as that happens, you will start opening up more. Then work from there. Making friends in your case doesn't start out easy, but you can work it to that point.

Last but not least, if you are having suicidal thoughts, please get help. No one should have to get to that point. You can visit with a therapist or a family social worker without having to have a fear that they will put you away. And everything is confidential.

Answer 4

hi rwinger,
my son is 15 and has aspergers syndrome. he has no friends outside of a couple of kids he eats lunch with at school . i worry about him now, and about his future.since his diagnosis however....he has been under the care of not only a doctor , but has a specialized education program which includes speech therapy. heres the thing.......... his vocabulary is incredible, his IQ is superior, but COMMUNICATION dosent come natually to him. yes he can spout out facts about his strong interests...but its not a normal 2 ways conversation. so... we at home, and his speech therapist work specifically with him on communication skills. making eye contact. how to read facial expressions. the importance of making the other person feel important. listening. and he really has come a long way! and other people are noticing!
i know that you are older , but...i beleive that you can still learn these important skills. like suggested above....join some kind of support group....or make take a night class that you would enjoy...and a set a small goal for each time you are there.
my son is also on zoloft which helps his obsessional thoughts.he is much more able to think better now....and alot of his compulsions are under control.
regarding the idea of being on the autistic spectrum....here is how i have come to view this; we are ALL on the HUMAN spectrum. i am convinced that if you took a poll right now of every person on this site...everyone would have SOME symptoms of SOME "disorder". so....dont worry about the diagnosis part. who cares? what matters is you and your life, and your happiness!
please dont kill yourself...you are a lovable man , and there ARE people out there who are need you in thiers lives! as a friend...and one day a partner! you are in control of what happens next. . remember that you are worth this time and effort. take one day at a time. keep a journal of your thoughts, and of your victories! surround yourself with POSITIVE people.
maybe your goal for 2007 could be to find a good friend. a good friend is priceless! someone out there needs YOU as that friend!
take that first step....and god bless.

Answer 5

For one, age doesn't matter..you will always find someone that likes you for you. Basically what you have to do(I know it will be hard but try) is step out of your normal everyday box and try something new. For starters when you go through a drive-thru, when they ask "how are you" reply and than ask how are they. During lunch breaks try to spark up a conversation, what you watched last night and see if anyone else saw it. Movies, music, books, someone enjoys the same stuff that you do. If it's hard...just take a DEEP breathe and go with it. Try not to think, go with the flow. Sit next to someone and just say "hi, how are you" and BOOM conversation has started. Just relax, don't think too much about it and basically just wing it. It's amazing when you see the response you get.

Answer 6

i have a similiar problem i am 36 and never had an intimate relationship with any female i have been rejected many times in the past and because of it i have developed social phobia and get very anxiuos in social situations.i dont have any friends and was shy like you..i think if you are nervous while talking to females they pick up on this an this would make them uncomfortable your confidence is probably eroded so you will need to work on that cause females are attracted to confident guys..it would be interesting to know what your thinking when you actually approach a girl to communicate with them?if one approach doesnt work try a different approach with the next girl

Answer 7

Talk to your Personal Physician about sending you to a psychiatrist with whom you should seriously talk about your fears about having this form of autism. By the sound of it right now you suffer from depression about not having a partner in your life when all your friends and buddy's with whom you grown up are married and have a bunch of children. don't despair you may find your mate too, or God has other plans in your life, sit down in Prayer and ask God "what are your life plans for me?".Good Luck and Happy New Year".,

Answer 8

talk to your doctor and get counseling and maybe join support groups, their are way to overcome this, your not alone, and nothing to be ashamed of. killing yourself is a cowards way out so dismiss that thought right now. you are still young and who knows you may be able to help others in the future to overcome the same problem, wouldn't that be great. quit worrying about the sex things and what other people think, just concentrate on getting better, life is too short. people love you and you should love your own self too hang in there things will get better

Answer 9

First oF all don't kill yourself. I too don't have alot of friends, but the ones I have are great. If you have just one friend and they are a true friend then you are doing better than someone who claims to have 100's of friends (acquaintances). You need to be on an anti-depressant. Paxil is good for social anxiety. Please see a Dr. and get help. You don't want to kill yourself, you obviously have alot to live for, or you would not be sending this out. Good Luck. You will be fine.

Answer 10

I am actually in the same boat as you are. I have the same exact problem and have always thought about killing myself which I am trying to tell myself that is not worth it, because i do have a loving family. Hang in there!