How young is too young for belt spanking?

Question

I am not above spanking, but latley nothing is getting through to my four year old. I have recently scared her by saying I'm going to hit her with a belt but never have. Is she too young for that?

Answer 1

There is a classic story about the mother who believed in spanking as a necessary part of discipline until one day she observed her three- year-old daughter hitting her one-year-old son. When confronted, her daughter said, "I'm just playing mommy." This mother never spanked another child.Children love to imitate, especially people whom they love and respect. They perceive that it's okay for them to do whatever you do. Parents, remember, you are bringing up someone else's mother or father, and wife or husband. The same discipline techniques you employ with your children are the ones they are most likely to carry on in their own parenting. The family is a training camp for teaching children how to handle conflicts. Studies show that children from spanking families are more likely to use aggression to handle conflicts when they become adults.
Spanking demonstrates that it's all right for people to hit people, and especially for big people to hit little people, and stronger people to hit weaker people. Children learn that when you have a problem you solve it with a good swat. A child whose behavior is controlled by spanking is likely to carry on this mode of interaction into other relationships with siblings and peers, and eventually a spouse and offspring.
But, you say, "I don't spank my child that often or that hard. Most of the time I show him lots of love and gentleness. An occasional swat on the bottom won't bother him." This rationalization holds true for some children, but other children remember spanking messages more than nurturing ones. You may have a hug-hit ratio of 100:1 in your home, but you run the risk of your child remembering and being influenced more by the one hit than the 100 hugs, especially if that hit was delivered in anger or unjustly, which happens all too often.
Physical punishment shows that it's all right to vent your anger or right a wrong by hitting other people. This is why the parent's attitude during the spanking leaves as great an impression as the swat itself. How to control one's angry impulses (swat control) is one of the things you are trying to teach your children. Spanking sabotages this teaching. Spanking guidelines usually give the warning to never spank in anger. If this guideline were to be faithfully observed 99 percent of spanking wouldn't occur, because once the parent has calmed down he or she can come up with a more appropriate method of correction.
VERBAL AND EMOTIONAL "HITTING"
Physical hitting is not the only way to cross the line into abuse. Everything we say about physical punishment pertains to emotional/verbal punishment as well. Tongue-lashing and name-calling tirades can actually harm a child more psychologically. Emotional abuse can be very subtle and even self-righteous. Threats to coerce a child to cooperate can touch on his worst fear—abandonment. ("I'm leaving if you don't behave.") Often threats of abandonment are implied giving the child the message that you can't stand being with her or a smack of emotional abandonment (by letting her know you are withdrawing your love, refusing to speak to her or saying you don't like her if she continues to displease you). Scars on the mind may last longer than scars on the body.

Answer 2

Yes, she is too young for belt spanking. Four years is a difficult age it seems to be when they strike out evenmore. I am assuming you have already tried spanking her with just your hand and it was probably pointless, if she is anything like my now eight year old.
The one thing I have found to be effective with my daughter has been making her lay on her bed under the covers for one hour. This is because while she will not admit it when she acts up she is usually tired and frustrated but does not know how to communicate it yet (nor do most adults). She has an incredible stamina so we do one hour because if she is tired she will be asleep by then and can continue taking a much needed nap. If your daughter gets is unwilling to cooperate than try holding her for ten minutes in her room and when you leave tell her you love her but if that she gets up she will have consequences for it, state the consequences and close the door.
Let her cry, but, damage, pounding or kicking of the walls door are not acceptable. Time does not begin until she is in her bed behaving. If she falls asleep, when she wakes up make sure to make time to talk to her about her behavior, my daughter still ends up in my lap for this because as I said usually just tired and frustrated and needs compassion and love.
All kids are different and some do have issues that are beyond the scope of "normal" behavioral issues. Do not expect it to be perfect over night but if you are consistant things will improve. Don't forget to take a deep breath and tell her you need some space when she starts acting up. Good luck.

Answer 3

Dear, you need to get a parenting book. I like Super Nanny- great advice!
Belt hitting is 100% WRONG! What message are you sending when you hit her? If you had a bad day and where crabby and snapped back at your husband, does that give him the right to belt slap you?????
Do the time-out chair (not in her room- and away from the tv or a busy area) We use the laundry room. It's boring.....
If she's acting sassy, talk sassy back.... she's think "That's weird". But then say, "If you want me to listen, speak nicely". Raising kids take time, a lot of time.
Please don't resort to hitting because YOU are at the end of your rope. It's just plain wrong!
And remember, it's ok for YOU to take a time out!!! Leave for a few minutes and just relax or start counting. Maybe she'll join in with you and she'll forget why she was acting up.
You might also want to look into what's happening in the home. The holiday's have ended and there was a lot of excitement the last few weeks. Remember she's just 4- it doesn't give her an excuse to be a brat, but she's learning it from somewhere (old sibling, cousin, tv, daycare,etc...)
I too have a 4.5 year old, as well as a 2 yr old and 11 yr old and there's times where I think "what is going on?" As parents and adults we have to set the positive example and making sure the home is safe. (and they feel safe)

Answer 4

While I do not think that there is anything wrong with spanking as a form of punishment when the situation calls for it I do believe that, Anything other than an open hand such as a belt,hair brush or wooden spoon becomes a weapon,and that is child abuse.If spanking is not getting threw to her perhaps you should look into other forms of punishment. I can spank my six year old until my arm falls off but it has no effect,how ever if I tell him that certain privileges will be taken away he will stop what he is doing almost instantly.My other son how ever is far different and dose need a spank every once in a while to get that I mean business.

Answer 5

A 4 years old,is not too young to spank. A four year old can comprehend what you are saying. If you do spank,never spank out of anger. Tell him why you gong to spank them,spank him and tell him you love him after he has calmed down. Let him know bad behavior won't be tolerated.
I have different methods for my 2 1/2 year old. I sometimes send her to her room, take away toys, stand in the corner or last resort a couple of swats to the but. She hated going to her room sitting on her bed and standing in the corner. I too let her know at the beginning of the week what I expect of her and she will get rewarded for good behavior. Movie,park, a sticker ect, she knows the consequences if has more bad behavior than good. no rewards.

Answer 6

I have a six year old, I don't spank her with objects - the belt spanking thing is the old fashioned way of disciplining. I think that today parents are learning more effective ways of handling these issues. When I first learned that I was pregnant I bought the book, what to expect while you're expecting and then the one for the toddler years. These books were a god send because I didn't feel so lost and confused. I knew what was happening at every level. There are many books and magazines like this on the market, I read them all. You can find out what will work best with your child. For my daughter, I take away television for a few hours and then we talk about what happened. I think if parents communicated more with their kids and treated them like the smart little individuals that they are it would benefit everyone.

Answer 7

I should make this clear - I do not advocate hitting children. 'Spanking' is hitting with a sugary connotation. It is truly an easy way out. Imagine someone hitting you when you are in a bad mood as an adult - can you see how frustrating and detrimental it would be to a little girl? Check out this website, http://www.aafp.org/afp/20021015/1463ph.html
Obviously, you have spanked and your child is still not behaving. It's time to try a new tactic.

Once you treat your daughter with compassion and patience you will teach her ways to cope with frustration and anger. There are some great tips for parenting WITHOUT physical punishment here:
http://www.aafp.org/afp/20021015/1463ph.html
Please read this. It will help both you and your daughter deal with your emotions positively.

Spanking with an implement is abuse. You daughter's respect for you should not be based on fear. I think you'll feel much more loved (and tolerant) when you begin teaching your daughter the values of positive discipline.

All the best to you. I truly hope you find something helpful in this answer.

Answer 8

These people up here that say dont spank your kids are crazy. I grew up with spankings and I am fine. I never listened unless my mom counted to 3 and spanked me. I learned not to let her get to 3 and the tone in her voice change. 4 is to young to be spanked with a belt but pull down her pants and pop her twice on her bare bottom. Pull her pants up and make her sit in the corner. But tell her to listen to mommy when she tells you to do something. And let her sit in the corner til she stops crying. She will cry for a few minutes but when you let her out the corner ask her if she knows why you spanked her and tell her again to listen to you.

Answer 9

I'm not necessarily in agreement with spanking, but I'm not going to argue that right now. However, it is not ok to hitt your child with a belt, especially a four year old . Your daughter isn't even old enough to understand the full meaning of right and wrong at this age. The reason people spank their children is so that the children learn from their mistakes. It is not so that they are in pain several days later. There is a difference in attepting to teach a child something and intentionally injuring them. Talk to your daughter's doctor about the problems you're having with her behavior and ask if he has suggestions (counseling, more effective discipline techniques, etc.)

Answer 10

Spanking does not teach violence unless you overdo it. I was spanked, and every person I have met who was spanked has grown up to be very well mannered, and respectable person. One thing people don't consider about spanking is that once a kid has had a successful spanking, you don't really have to do it all the time. Once the kid knows you are capable of it, they usually get the point accross just by a parent looking at them crossly.
I was only spanked a few times as a kid and the rest of the time my mom just gave me" the look" and I knew not to push her buttons anymore. That's what spanking teaches a child, not violence.
Sitting in a corner was what my babysitter did to bad kids,and she was always having to punish kids all the time because that really isn't much of a punishment. I never pushed her buttons though, because I knew if I did... and she told my mom... I would be in big time trouble.
When you spank you are not doing anything wrong, unless making sure your kids grow up to be respectable people and know right from wrong is wrong?
About the belt though, I think that might be too much for a four year old. My mom had a hairbrush that she just gave me two quick swats with, and it hurt enough to get her point across, but she never went overboard and didn't need to. I only was bad enough to get spanked about once every three years until I was 11, and then I was old enough to understand how to be a good kid all the time. It definitely didn't make me violent though.

Answer 11

I believe that she is. My mother never used any method of spanking with me and I believe that the way she handled my behavior was good. She would put me in a time-out or talk to me quietly. (face to face) You should ask for an apology and if that fails, you should consider grounding your child. I do not think that a method of violence is the best thing to do. If you want your child to remember that her mother would spank her with a belt, then I say go for it.