This is a guy that I have been dating for 6 months. About mid-way through our relationship, we stopped having sex. It bothered me at first, but finally concluded he was getting something better elsewhere. Despite this change, we still spent a lot of time together. I told myself that our bond was beyond sex, which was fine for me. Anyway about a month ago, I was snooping around his medicine cabinet. I found medications for a common virus, not deadly, but serious enough to have me concerned. Though there were no visible changes to my body, I went to the doctor immediately afterwards and my blood work came back okay. I was a little upset at first that he didn't tell me, but I got over that. I have been going on all this time as if nothing happend. I feel bad for snooping through his stuff. He is really big on invading privacy and has a very bad temper. I don't know how he will react. How do I tell him what I found because I was snooping? Should I just keep this information to myself?
2006-12-29 17:57:02 · 28 answers · asked by angie20k 4 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Wow. This is quite a rabbit trail of issues you're addressing here. The biggest is the trust and abuse factor - you don't or can't communicate about major issues: (Sex, then no sex, possible exposure to communicable disease, deception, fear his reaction to your discovery of the truth, etc)
Forget invasion of privacy for a moment: What about your personal safety? If he's possibly exposed you to something (I can only assume you mean something like herpes......the information is somewhat ambiguous here), and didn't even do you the courtesy of telling you about it, then is this really who you want to be with and trust your life to?
Girl - wake up and start being your own best friend. A. You deserve a relationship with someone you can trust, talk to, who protects you and cares about your welfare, and B. You need to realize you deserve someone that you don't have to be afraid of their temper, or of lying to you, or exposing you to some incurable and/or deadly disease.
If he is abusive, a liar, and has no more regard for you than that, then get this boy out of your life and move on to someone who will treat you as you should be treated! As ANY human being deserves to be treated....with respect, dignity, consideration, and where sex is involved - with abiding love and trust.
2006-12-29 18:06:51 · answer #1 · answered by CassandraM 6 · 2⤊ 2⤋
You have got to be open in your relationship or you potentially will have trouble on down the line. But, I understand your concern, to some extent. Depending on what kind of virus (because a cold is a virus) that medication was for is an important factor here. You see, you not only snooped...you had yourself tested for something. You could have easily told him that you were looking for Tylenol and you came upon this "are you OK?"...another possibility, maybe that medication is way out of date. If it isn't--I would have asked him if everything was OK...and why have you two stopped having sex? You need to establish that you both need to be open with each other. What if you had tested positive? I wouldn't have cared if he were pissed...I would have been pissed more. Don't tell him now (its a little late for that)...but then again, maybe it isn't...I would have a hard time keeping my mouth shut-- you have to establish some things, for sure.
2006-12-29 18:09:01 · answer #2 · answered by What, what, what?? 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
You're in a tough spot. You could confront him and he could tell you that what you found belongs to his roommate, or his sister.....or he could rage at you for snooping. There has been breech of trust now. You don't trust him for not telling you. He'd be upset that you were snooping. Ask yourself how you really feel about him now that you felt at risk being with him? How do you feel with the thought that he could have other partners?
Did you ever discuss why you stopped having sex? That seems like a big deal. Any good relationship moves towards more open discussion, not less.
I think you have quite a bit to discuss, regardless of what you found in the medicine cablinet.
2006-12-29 18:06:18 · answer #3 · answered by Crispy_Frog 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You don't feel that you can discuss something as important as this with him because "he has a VERY BAD TEMPER"? That sounds like a healthy relationship.
Okay...shame on you for snooping, but is this really someone you want to be with?
No wonder he's "big on invading privacy." I'd wonder what else he has to hide...like..hmm...perhaps where he got the virus.
2006-12-29 18:06:52 · answer #4 · answered by Patienttraffic 2 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I take it this virus must be "contagious" or more likely, is a sexually transmitted disease like Herpes or something.
Well...your best bet is to say nothing. You haven't been dating him that long, and apparently he hasn't put you at risk of getting infected...so really it's none of your business since he hasn't told you about it yet.
Perhaps you could tell him how much you would like it if you and he became closer, and were able to confide in eachother...
Tell him that there's nothing short of a criminal record or serious mental illness that could turn you off from him! lol...make light of it a bit and maybe he will open up..
If however, you've been dating about a year or so and he never confides in you...it may be time to end things...this would be a sign that the relationship isn't moving forward.
2006-12-29 18:02:19 · answer #5 · answered by brittany 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If you are not willing to risk upsetting him, I would keep it unsaid. If there are trust issues, then maybe you need to get it out in the open. You can say that you were looking for a band aid or something and came across it. Really, if you two have been intimate already, then surely you can talk about this issue with him. Sometimes we are scared of the unknown. The only way to tackle this is to be upfront and get it out. Good luck~
2006-12-29 18:01:07 · answer #6 · answered by swtz69drmz 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If I were you, I wouldn't say anything. Hell he didn't even tell you about his problem in the beginning and you ended up finding out yourself. If he can't tell you that, then he is likely to hide something else. When you are in an relationship, couples tend to know each other like a book. If you guys are having sex on a regular bases and all of a sudden everything changes, you ARE going to get suspicious and want to know if anything is going on.
2006-12-29 18:11:38 · answer #7 · answered by Mesha 3 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
If he is hiding a STD or something like that, then he is not being true to you, especially if you have been engaged in sex. You need to confront him, and if he talks about invasion of privacy then you need to tell him it is over because he could not muster the courage and tell you up front about something that could affect your health as well. I found out my ex-wife had been cheating on me for four years, and over that time she had several infections, and I got them from her. Your health is more important if he can't be honest and straightforward with you.
2006-12-29 18:05:16 · answer #8 · answered by Todd B 5 · 3⤊ 0⤋
If you seen that commercial by Southwest Airlines ..where the girl snoops in this guy's medicine cabinet..and the whole cabinet comes crashing down..then the voice over comes in "Do you wanna get away?"...classic..
Your question reminded me of that commercial..lol
2006-12-29 18:00:21 · answer #9 · answered by Dfirefox 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
Yes, keep the information to yourself. He'll never read this. Anywho. Maybe you should casually talk around the subject. Like, Hey, our relationship is great but I noticed a severe shift. "Sex is not everything, but we went from rabbits to married folk", what's going on?
Hey, let me know how it goes. I'm curious.
2006-12-29 18:02:04 · answer #10 · answered by Wise ol' owl 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋