I think my long-term boyfriend of 5 years is addicted to porn. We plan to get married and I'm not sure if I'd be able to handle this hurtle. He gets very defensive if I tell him hurts me, and I guess this is because he's ashamed of it. Anyone have suggestions on how to deal with this? There's still no resolution to this even though he has promised me he wouldn't look at it while I am in the house at all. I've brought it up so many times that I don't think he'd take me seriously if I did it anymore. Help!
2006-12-29 17:49:58 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
ok, so the watching it with him is really a great idea. at least i thought it was, until he shot that one right down on more than one occasion.
2006-12-29 18:03:51 · update #1
watch it wit him
2006-12-29 17:52:22 · answer #1 · answered by glossy, flossy, & fly 2 · 1⤊ 2⤋
Try to find out why he needs to look at it....some people (guys and girls) need some visual stimulation to either get themselves in a state of readiness or to satisfy some other need.
Don't let it bother you or don't show it (the fact that it bothers you)to him.....In europe and asia nudity is seen on TV quite a bit...they've been brought up seeing it so it's not as big a deal as it is here...european and asian countries have been around longer than the US has and they've matured (for lack of a better term). They can accept seeing or wanting sex as a natural thing, which it is. Maybe your bf was shielded from that kind of thing growing up....think of him as a dog that's been kept on a chain all of his life...when he's able to break loose, he'll run around and explore parts of the world that he has never seen before and he won't come home until he's seen enough.
2006-12-29 18:40:59 · answer #2 · answered by Bahddahbing 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
burn his collection of porn magazines or videos and tell him face to face that you are serious that he is hurting you from this porn addiction and If he doesnt just tell him that u dont think u can be with him anymore kuz he wont take u seriously or wont listen to you or try telling him u guys should go to counseling on the subject maybe that will help
2006-12-29 17:54:53 · answer #3 · answered by Sean S 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
4 choices. 1end it(with the b/f) 2stop caring about(pretend you could care less) 3give him too much attention where the porn is not some he can do(this only works short term) or 4 get him to let you watch and partake with it(this will either stop it or make it grow)
2006-12-29 17:57:13 · answer #4 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Looking at naked women is one of my favorite pastimes. Basically, they (women) are sex objects and toys. Once the porn addiction infects the psyche, there is absolutely nothing you can do about it. Our brains can replay every porn scene we've ever watched over and over and over again, any time we want; every detail is permanently locked in our brains. Once that happens, it's all we think about 24 hours a day. When he bangs you, porn scenes are flashing in his brain ... he is not thinking of you and marriage, he's thinking of three ways and four ways and gang bangs and barely legals with nice racks. Good luck, but it's too late, you're stuck with no hope for a bright future ... Remember, you're just a toy ...
2006-12-29 18:08:32 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Only immature losers sit and look at porn all day. He has a girl right there with him and you should remind him of that. He is insulting you by preferring to look at fake girls and not spending time with you and looking at you. Sorry, but your in a no win situation.
2006-12-29 17:56:19 · answer #6 · answered by Jim V 3 · 5⤊ 0⤋
If you really love him and want to work it out. Hear him out. I mean ask him why he likes to watch it so much. I mean people have fantasies, I'm sure you do to. whether it's role playing or watching porn. Have you ever watched porn, don't knock it till you try it. Why don't you watch it with him, that way you both get into it and it will be you who he is going to want at the end of it.
I don't see anything wrong with it.
If you can't beat them..... join them!!!
2006-12-29 18:00:50 · answer #7 · answered by Moni0718 2 · 0⤊ 2⤋
If you've told him how you feel about it and he's still doing it then he's not respecting you. Can you come to a compromise? Have you ever watched it with him? If you don't want it in your house at all then he may not be the man for you.
2006-12-29 17:53:14 · answer #8 · answered by karespromise 4 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You need to stop it now because it is only going to get worse. TRUST ME!!! You see all those women on talk shows who are going through divorces because of porn addictions. It is not going to get better if it keeps on.
2006-12-29 17:53:15 · answer #9 · answered by choco-vanilla 3 · 2⤊ 1⤋
Obviously, his whole heart is NOT set on your and his relationship. People do things that they desire in their heart. I think that you need to decide whether you will put up with this behaviour, or realize you deserve a relationship with a man who will treat you with more respect.
2006-12-29 17:59:35 · answer #10 · answered by Zacklee 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
thats really hard. butif you dont like it and hell get angry if you tell him i would just break up with him or say that your not into porn and that if he still wants you to be porny then you guys cant have a relationship
2006-12-29 17:53:00 · answer #11 · answered by Monica I 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋