How do you deal with this many deaths at once?

Question

!st came the death of my mother on 9/26/06,then this past weekend on 12/2206,my husbands mother dies,so we had a funeral to go to right before x-mas. Then the day after on 12/26/06 my aunt dies! What is up with all this? How is the average person suppost to handle all this at once,with out self destructing? Is there a lesson to be learned here?Its just crazy! Any ideas or advice on how to deal with this without blowing up?
thanks for listening!

Answer 1

PLEASE ... go to your local pastor/elder/church professional or talk to your doctor and get a referral to a Grief Support Group.

I can tell you this -- when you are very close to family, and their deaths occur quite close together (and my siblings & I were on Active Duty as very young adults when we were notified of our parents' death) ... one does need to find the support group and people who have gone through the same situation ...

Because they can definitely support you at this time of your life -- and have some important insights on how they have coped with the losses of their loved ones too. Just listen to the different ways that they learned how to share the feelings that they have (in appropriate ways), and the ways that they learned how to channel their grief into little celebratory remembrances of the lives of the loved ones in the process.

Answer 2

I lost my brother, my uncle, and 2 close friends within 3 months of each other last year and at the time you feel really overwhelmed or at least I did, and just breathing seems like the hardest thing to do. A year has past and the pain and hurt is still vivid but time is the only cure for a broken heart. The only lesson to be learned here is to value everyone you have around and never leave an arguement unsettled between someone you love! Be there for your family and they will be there for you to help each other through this hard time in your family's life. Family is all you need! My sympathy goes to you and your family.

Answer 3

Hey friend.

I have had some real close friends die this year. I lost count after 9.

Back in 1990, my son died in my arms, whew! that was heavy.

Whats going on? seems like a tormenting thought. I felt overwhelmed.
In fact one of my special ed students last week got hit by car and died. His parents had no back up for spiritual support and were just a total mess.
It seemed they got hit by a unannounced mack truck emotionally.
I ended up doing the funeral, it was hard.

My friend, death takes roll call each day, it's not partial on how or not well your marriage or relationship is going, where you are at economically, career, kids no kids . . .

Each day we don't know if we are going to see our dreams unfold or stare right into the face of tragedy.

Know this, these things really cause us to ponder, to search.
We can get easily bittered and blameshift people and even God.

We mourn as we mourn but don't get stuck there.

Tragedies cause us to appreciate life and people. We become tender and for some of us who have been through some very hard times, we can even want to trust people again.

Tragedies also reveal where our coping skills lie. Know that God is the best comforter, He has a way of going right past our intellectualism and our unanswered questions and go right for our heart.

Stay tender, stay weak before Him and ask him to heal your fragile heart.

There are great groups of people that have lost a loved one that meet regularly that can walk you through.

Blessings!
If you wish to talk more, cross over to www.myspace.com/mandorodarte

Answer 4

I can totally relate...when i was 15 my mom died from breast cancer, then within a couple months my grandma died, then 1 month later my grandpa died, then a little bit later my aunt died from a very rare disease, then my other aunt died soon after from a heart attack...this all happened between the ages of 15 and 16, it was really very hard, and of course not fair...
Im 22 now and Im kind of a lonely person because of all of the loss. but at the same time it made me very strong in many situations in my life.
I dont think the average person is supposed to be able to handle things like that well...it seems impossible to me and ive been thru it.
Just be strong and try to remember that all who died are no longer in the pain they were in while here with us...
dont self destruct!!! talk to people and dont keep ur feelings inside because i did that for a long time and it didnt get me anywhere but frustrated and sad
good luck, i know its very hard...god bless u and ur family

Answer 5

My friend once asked me How I was still being able to function with all that was going on? I told her that I go one day at a time and I don't make any plans right now. My paternal grandfather died on 07/28/00, paternal grandmother died 08/24/00, and paternal great uncle died on 10/15/00. My 3 favorite people. My husband and I had just started through a bankruptcy. Our house was in foreclosure and eventually repossessed. Our business also went under. I filed for divorce in November (No all this didn't cause the divorce, but it made a very ugly man inside even uglier) He was very emotionally abusive for 10.5 years so all this just made it worse. I look back at the very insecure person that I used to be and realize I like the person I am today. I'm a very strong person today because of what I went through. I was told once that every ordeal you go through in your life makes you who you are today, and I chose to rise above instead of whithering and whimpering about the woes in my life. I now have found the man of my life. I love him with all my heart and he treats me right.

Answer 6

My prayers are with you. I had a friend who experienced the same thing in '05. I was just there for him as a friend. You can't really say anything. Then at the end of '05 - '06 was my turn. I just sort of went numb. I tried to keep myself busy. It's been about six months since the last death in my family and I'm beginning to grieve. I listen to a lot of country music. That helps me and hugging those wonderful family members I have now.

Answer 7

I know how you feel first my grandpa died then my cousin got really sick from a cloged artery and is dying then my uncle died, then my other uncle then my closest adult friend died when i needed her most<< she died from cancer, the my uncle almost died, then my other cousin died, then my friends grandma died then my uncle went in the hospital dying, and 2 days ago my pregnet cousin went in the hospital almost lost the baby and still could and she almost died! this all happend in the last year except the 1st 1 and i am only 12 so it is very hard for me i cry almost everyday and it always helps so my advice is to talk about it and just cry!

Answer 8

just don't try to ponder on it to much one of my turtles died i cried and cried and the more i thought about it the more i feel sad so lesson learnt don't worry about the past to much only about the future and maybe you and your husband should go on a holiday to get your mind off things and don't keep to many things that your mother and your aunt owned it'll just bring back bad memories and make you start felling sad just keep something your mother wore all the time or what she wore on here wedding day or maybe something your father gave to her just keep stuff that as soon as you look at it you feel sad. on the other hand yo could go see a phyciotrist

Answer 9

the exact same thing happened to me....three deaths close to one another. There is no proper way to greive... I know i was very inward for a while...and then slowly came out of my shell (this happend february/ march '06)
find people you can talk to, and make sure that you don't stress yourself out on top of all of this...

Answer 10

whoa.
first of all, my sympathies.
really. you sure are one strong woman to be taking this in all at once.

i would suggest time out first, with your husband maybe? to cool down and relax. give yourself a few weeks or a month. and then, life has to move on.
take up something interesting to you. something exciting to get your mind off stuff and put you back on track.
some suggestions i would give are like wakeboarding? rock-climbing?
or for less extreme things would be like dancing.

good luck! (: