Should i confront him or not?My trust in him is shattering.Please advise..i need help.?

Question

I've been in a good relationship for 4 years.but i recently found out that my boyfriend talks to women online..i.e. dirty talk..n even uses his webcam for this purpose.he doesnt know any of these women personally.And i suspect there's one woman he specially chats with(he even sent her christmas greetings n tells her he misses her!). everything else about our relationship is great(or so i thought,until now!).he loves n cares bout me.and i love him very very much.I always try to keep him happy in every way.I have no idea why this has happened.And it has shattered my trust in him.What should i do? Should i confront him with this issue...or just let things be the way they are,hoping he will get over it in some time...??Even if i do confront him,he might jus change his yahoo id or somethin..n i'll never find out what he's upto.! I love him and i want this to work. how should i talk to him in a manner that really makes a difference?PLEASE help.

Answer 1

dump this loser...you'll be glad you did..maybe even find someone that actually respects you.....

Answer 2

Hey girl. I really feel sorry for you meeting with this situation. The thing is sometimes we give too much to a guy, and sometimes we don't get back as much as we expected. I understand 4 years is a really long period, but I have to remind you the main element that makes relationships work - TRUST.

It's quite apparent that you don't trust your man anymore. No matter whether you have been with your guy for 4 months or 4 years, I think the relationship cannot work anymore, without the trust.

You said "Even if i do confront him,he might jus change his yahoo id or somethin". This shows how you know you will continue qustioning his attachment to you even after you two cleared the air. Besides, he shouldn't be going oline and dirty talking to other females in the first place. YOU DID NOTHING WRONG.

The answer is obvious girl. My advice to you is to move on and find someone who will love and appreciate you more. Good luck and hope everything works out fine for you. =)

Answer 3

This is a tough one. I would feel exactly the same way if I were in your situation. But let's be realistic, some of us get pretty bored and the internet is a good way to make the time pass! He is probably just having meaningless fun by chatting with different people...Perhaps you should start doing the same thing he does and see how he reacts?! Ask to "borrow" his web cam because you want to chat with some guy from Germany! He will probably react with jealousy...then you can sit down and have a conversation about this and let him know that if he's not comfortable with you chatting with guys then you are not OK with him contacting other girls who he doesn't even know! Another possibility is that perhaps the two of you are not getting enough one on one time with each other. Do you talk often? Do you see each other on a regular basis? Do you show him a lot of affection? If not, then maybe he is yearning for some attention! Maybe the two of you should start spending more quality time together and he will not have enough time to email those hoe's anymore!

(also I would suggest burning his commuter, smashing his web cam, and making sure he never has access to internet again, LOL, just kidding!)

Answer 4

hey there. i am just going to be honest. humans are basically never always satisfied. no matter how great the relationship is, one of you will always turn to other ways to have his "own fun." it is avoidable if both of you respect the relationship and each other. in this case, he preferred to take the risk. the idea of the unknown excites him.

anyway you are not supposed to be finding out about what he is doing- you basically are checking up on him. he trusts you explicitly with his email add, and probably his password too. you are the one who checked up on him, found ugly things, get upset and then turn paranoid. when you confront him, make sure this issue doesnt turn up or you will really look like the fool.

which also brings us to this question; the Internet is such a huge virtual area that he may actually have other email adds or ids too- you just dont know. so, how long has he been at this? we too, have no idea.

it seems to me that your boyfriend wants to have his cake and eat it too. he does still want you; or else he would have treated you like crap. (does he?) on the other hand, he also wants to have all these unknown girls and satisfy himself. he basically wants more. are you going to be the girl who allows the guy to do this? what sort of relationship is this going to be anyway? by the way, online talk can always turn offline. it is just a matter of when.

my point, confront him and be honest about the whole thing. but when i mean confront, its not like a scream and cry confrontation. keep it decent and humane as much as possible. once you send him into defense mode, you lose.

Answer 5

You need to confront him about this. It won't go away, it'll only get worse. Maybe he's settled in the relationship and is doing this because he's bored and craves some excitement that is "safe". That is, it's safe if he is only chatting online (ie he won't get any new STDs and pass them onto you), but of course this isn't good emotionally. You need to tell him what you found and try not to get into a screaming match about it... try to approach it rationally so you might get some answers out of him. This isn't right... I'd say dump him but you've invested 4 years into this relationship so maybe you can fix this if he's willing. This girl I worked with had the same problem and she lived with her bf, she cut off the internet for a few months, and i guess they're ok now because now they're engaged.

A relationship takes 2 people so if he's willing to confront this issue and fix it then it could work, but if he makes excuses you need to stand firm. What he is doing is hurtful and basically is "emotional cheating". Whatever it is, it is wrong. Maybe you're not satisfying him sexually, maybe he thinks of this as ****, who knows.

Honestly I think you may need a therapist to help you two work it out or even to help you by yourself get over this whether you stay with him or not.

Just don't listen to his excuses and remember this is wrong and you deserve better than this, from him or any other man.

Answer 6

I accidentily found out that my last boyfriend of 2 years was talking dirty to an 18 year old girl for about two months. That was a year ago. I confronted him, and looking back, it was the best thing I ever did, considering I was actually thinking I could someday marry him. Confront him. See how he reacts. Then decided if you still trust him or not.
Honestly, I would dump him. I made the mistake of taking back my boyfriend after I found out and he ened up trying to get a bartender's number when we were out on a date together. Yes I date losers, but you don't have to. I know it sucks. I know it hurts like hell. But obviously this behavior of his bothers you. I don't know you. I won't pretend to know you. But you deserve better. Why should you put up with someone who talks dirty to other women online. You can do better. Watching **** is one thing, but talking to real women about what he wants to do to them is totally a different story. You can do better. You deserve better. If he can't see anything wrong with what he is doing, yet you do, maybe it is time to reevaluate the relationship.
Good luck.

Answer 7

His Yahoo ID?? Are you in an on-line relationship or what? This guy is definitely not the faithful type but at least he is doing it on-line. When is the wedding? I certainly would not want to share my man with women on the net-it takes too much time away from you. I say confront him and see what he says. If he really loves he will stop.
Good luck!

Answer 8

Chatting and talking to other woman is men's normal tendency.
But if he is crossing his limits he needs a breaker.
He cannot ignore you or hurt you for his desires.
If he loves you he should know what hurt is or else he is just flirting and not interested in you except for sex and fun time.
And if you are saying "you are keeping him happy in ever way" then let him be happy this way, he chooses this as one of the way to be happy.
If your ship hits the rock you need a serious counselling and especially your b/f.
Contact with more details for counselling to counsellor at [e-mail].
God Bless you and may your get married to him very soon.

Answer 9

As per you, your bf chats all nonsense........ This is his lust for something more which you can not provide. Am astonished that since last 4 yrs u are with this fellow without marriage. He is having a ball of you. You too seem to be sexually more active. Your bf may be taking your care but he's actually enjouing you babe.
Net chat is a disease which had already broken thousands of married life, u are still unmarried. Dump that idiot and search for good and caring husband, whom you can say your own.
If you are employed, you are a golden hen for this fool. Does both of yours family know that you all stay togather and your realtions.
Be cool and tell this chap to shift dont talk to him for few days lets see how does he counter you.

Answer 10

This must be a feetish of his, even if you are a great woman and you please your man like no other, it seems like it is something he needs. You really need to tell him how you feel. This may seem innocent from your point of view, put this could lead into something seriouse. He tells her that he misses her? Are you kidding me? The only women a man should miss is his wife and his mother (in that order) You need to put the man on his leash. 4 years is plenty of time to get a man trained properly. If you havent changed him by now, you never will.

Answer 11

Confront isn't the word but you do need to talk to him. Whether or not they are real isn't the question, but cheating is cheating. Hoping that he will get over it is unrealistic because eventually he will meet one of those women, and just continue their conversation and acts in person. You sound like a kind and caring person for seeking to spare his feelings, but sometimes you must consider yourself above all. Good luck.