Hi, I just wrote this, any opinions, ideas to improve it. Please, I hope you like it, oh It isn't finished yet.
I think I love you
But how should I know
All I know is that without you
My life doesn't go on
My guess comes from thinking
That life is just too short
but being around you
Just seems to make time float
By the way you hug me
makes me hear your heart
and last time I heard
We were both parts of one
It might sound Crazy
but I love you for who you are not
which is being fake, shallow, bad,
and not all the things you are
You had me at hello!
I had you at what's up!
Even though you knew
I wasn't ready for all that
..........
Not finished
Sorry...
2006-12-29 15:32:28 · 8 answers · asked by Latina Hottie! W.Chocolate 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Thanks to craig something... That totally works...
2006-12-29 15:50:40 · update #1
4th line - My life doesn't go on..... Try : My life doesn't flow
12th line- We were both parts of one..... Try:we were both beating as one
2006-12-29 15:42:10 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
The last stanza gave me a bad feeling in the pit of my stomach, but I think that's my favourite. The beginning sounds a bit like lovesick drabble, but it does set up for the ending, so it's not at all useless lovesick drabble. The second stanza just seems more dominant, like the climax that makes the first stanza come into place. You seem to be conveying that you/the speaker love him/her/it, but not the real him/her/it, just the him/her/it you/the speaker wish he/she/it was. The deception of it makes it interesting.
2006-12-29 23:45:19 · answer #2 · answered by lostinthought421 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
that was very nice and maybe the ending should u having her in your arms (a hug) and making it feel like much more than that so then it would make a a big impact on other peoples life which would be nice
2006-12-29 23:36:34 · answer #3 · answered by Sara R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
WOW thats really good, it sounds like its already coming from the heart, so instead of asking strangers ask yourself!
happy new years!!
2006-12-29 23:38:02 · answer #4 · answered by happy 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Very good so far
2006-12-29 23:36:12 · answer #5 · answered by frank m 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
very nice. just like your avatar pic.
2006-12-29 23:36:32 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
its pretty cute actually. finish it.....
2006-12-29 23:36:11 · answer #7 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Dont finish getting fear to read it, thanks
2006-12-29 23:36:02 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋