How do I help my daughter-in-law?

Question

My son has told his wife he wants out of their marriage and wants to just be friends. They have been married 5 years and have 2 sons a 4 yr old and 2 yr old. These boys love their daddy alot. And She is devastated at the turn of events. I love my son dearly but do not condone his actions at all. Hes being a real jerk about the whole thing. She has done so much for him and now he is treating her like nothing. If I say anything to him hes gonna be mad at me , but I can't turn her and the kids away. She is gonna need help with the boys , do I help her out, or do I stay out of it?

He has a job and she doesn't so she will have to get work and get a place to live. She won't be able to afford a sitter. I am grandma and love them all dearly, I just need some suggestions on what to do.

This is serious and I only want serious answers . If you can't be serious then don't answer.

Answer 1

Your heart is true. Help your daughter in law. If your son still "wants to be friends" then that shouldn't be an issue. She's going to need all the help she can get and it's wonderful that you want to help her and your grandchildren. Unfortunately, what this all usually means is that your son has another little missy on the side. He will be wanting to bring her over to meet you soon and this could be awkward.

I'll pray that things work out. Hopefully your son will tire of his little chiquita soon and come back to his family. Maybe his wife will forgive him and they'll be able to work out their issues and try once again to make their family work. You are an angel.

Answer 2

Dear curious59s,
Well I would just call her every once in a while and maintain your relationship with her. If she ever needs help, having a strong relationship with you will make her feel better about asking for help from you. I would also invite her and the kids to family events. If she ever seems stressed on the phone you can ask if she would like you to come over, or just take her sons out of the house once a month on an activity. My aunt lets my cousins stay at her house one weekend a month and then their mom can relax or catch up on some work. Just remain a part of their lives and don't be embarrassed to tell her when she needs a break! Divorces are stressful always be there to lend an ear or a house.
Good Luck and Happy New Years!,
Help:)

Answer 3

Talk to her about this. She is the one who will be making the decision on what type of help she will need. Let her know exactly how you feel but, even when you are helping her you need to make sure your not giving too much help. There are a lot of single parents out there who work and raise there kids just fine, it's never easy but, we manage. So, make sure your help is wanted and that you dont become overbearing. You have the right intentions but, don't let it cross the line too where you end up taking away all of her responsibilities either. That will just push her away. I think its very nice that you are willing and as far as the part of you not condoning your sons choices well, he is an adult and therefore has to make his own decisions, let him do what he feels he has to do, you can voice your opinion but, dont try to force him into anything and dont hold it against him. You never know the whole story behind something.

Answer 4

well maybe your son will realize what a jerk, he is!! when he realizes hes lost a woman who loves him and kids that need him. Im not married, nor do i have kids, but i grew up w/out a mom it was probably the hardest thing to do, to have to turn to my dad for womanly problems, to this day i am not affectionate,at all, b/c i never had it! but my best advice would be despite the breakup (which does happen) i would urge him to be part of his sons lives as much as possible, he will regret it someday and his sons will end up hating him for not being there. So if a divorce get finalized, i wouldnt defiantely right away persue some type of court order for visitation

Answer 5

Since it is your grandchildren we are talking about, of course you should help her all you can. Dont stay out of it. Let her know you are ready to help. This will keep your relatioship with your grandchildren intact also. It would be nice if you could help with baby sitting. Try to let her know you love her and want to help. Try to keep the family communication lines open. Talk to yoru son too. This is going to be a rough time but it will probably work out in the long run, especially if you keep talking with the daughter in-law and tell her you want to help. She will probably get child support from your son and maybe alimony so maybe will only have to work part time. this will be good so she can take care of the children. She need a good lawyer. and a good mother inlaw. sounds like she has one of those already. Good luck.

Answer 6

Be there for her (i.e. offering assistance with the kids, inviting them over for dinner, etc.), but do not give them the illusion that you will be there sole support. Encourage your daughter-in-law to get a job and make sure you let her know that you will help until she's on her feet again. It's a tough thing to wobble between being too supportive and not supportive enough, especially when it is your son that wanted the divorce. You probably won't be able to please everyone at once, but just be confidant that you are doing the best you can.

Answer 7

You're son's relationship with his wife is ending. That doesn't mean you can't continue a relationship with her and your grandchildren. After all, you'll be the granmother no matter the state of things between the parents. Do what you think will most benefit the two boys. If you son complains, explain that your goal is to give your grandsons the best you can offer and that you aren't involved in the situation between him and his wife.

Answer 8

Honestly I am not really a grandma going through that but i have been in a divorce and it is horrible if it was me i would get into it and tell my son to look at how she has treated him and make sure he knows what he is doing so that he isn't making the biggest mistake of his life. I would help out your daughter-in-law by supporting her and if your son interferes with that than tell him to get out of it because he was the one who started the whole thing. I know if it were me I would help out regardless of what he said. Also if you can help her get a job and just make sure she is not in big money trouble.

I am very sorry about these events your family is going through.

Answer 9

you need to have two plans-

plan A- stay out of it and let them work it out.

plan B- chances are this will be another divorce statistic but wait until one of them leaves and files papers with the court. after that, you can help as much or as little as you want. Don't enable her to sit around and feel sorry for herself- she needs to get a job and figure out how to make ends meet. hopefully she will have a good lawyer and get some alimony and child support.

my best advice is to always speak in positive terms around the children. Get rid of the tone he's being a jerk- the kids dont need to hear that about their mother or father. Instead say, we have an opportunity to adjust his attitude- it says the same thing but the kids will see it as trying to improve the situation instead of a negative comment about the dad they love.

Answer 10

HELP HER!!!! Just because your son's an @ss, doesn't mean you have to be. The last thing she needs is more people turning their backs on her. She's scared and will need support. Let your son get mad! Tell him to grow the hell up! What kind of mother are you to worry about your son getting mad at you? I would beat the sh*t out of any of my boys if they even thought of copping an attitude with me for being helpful!