My husband is in his best friend's second wedding. It is out of state. The groom's children are in the wedding as well as his nephews. We have a son the same exact age as the children - we are all very close - like one big family (three of the children are only 2 weeks apart!). His best friend just advised us that our son is not invited to the wedding because the plates cost $100 per person. I am very angry - my 5 yr old son doesn't eat much at all and I would even be willing to pay $100 for the meal. His future inlaws just spent $10,000 on them for Christmas so I don't believe money is tight for them. Am I wrong for being angry? I would have to find someone to leave my son with for a whole weekend. I want advice because I am so close to the situation. The best part is that my husband's best friend only has one brother and my husband is like his second brother. His best friend, his best friends brother and our family do everything together.
2006-12-29 15:17:45 · 14 answers · asked by Lynn S 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Weddings
Regardless, of how close the family is to you not everyone feels children should be at weddings. If they have told others children are not invited then they would have to tell you the same. If you go and other children are there then you have a definate beef. The exceptions are that his children are in the wedding party and his own children could not and should not be excluded anyway.
2006-12-29 15:23:19 · answer #1 · answered by uknowme 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The caterer counts people attending and plates served. They really do not distinguish how much anyone eats. If you can find a babysitter, then go. If you cannot then stay and let hubby go. This is not something to go to war over. It is their day in the spotlight and probably do not have total control on who is invited especially if the bride's folks are paying for the wedding as is custom. They may have been told to "limit" the number of guests to an agreed upon level. There may also be a limit mandated by the fire marshall for the size of the hall. Please don't take this personally. The focus should be on what is best for them. Not everyone will be satisfied no matter what ends up being done.
Now if you think money is the ONLY issue and you want to ask if he can come if other children will also be there to the bride's parents and you ask them with a $100 check up front for his attendence, I would not see a problem with trying. When I say ask, I mean ask and not insist. Be humble and explain the situation. Perhaps there are other couples in the same boat. Inquire at the same time and you can pool your babysitting costs or find a relative who is willing to help out in a way that benefits everyone. It could be a fun thing to do with other guest's children at a hotel nearby having a pool party or other organized activity. At the end of the day.. ask him how much fun he had vs yours at the wedding. Remember this as well... your husband is standing up in the wedding then he will only marginally have time to spend with you or share in parenting responsibilities to help you watch your son.Another possibility is to offer your sevices to do this for the others who are going and count that as part of your wedding gift. Bottom line ... make the best of the situation at hand. It is the only real power you have over anything.
No matter how close your husband is, an invitation is just that... not a mandate. I hope you choose the right thing and see the bigger picture. You can't bring that many people together and have everyone in 100% agreement on how it should go. Maybe ask another question in Yahoo. "How many people had a large wedding and everything happened without a hitch what-so-ever?" You might find the responses more comforting.
2006-12-29 23:39:15 · answer #2 · answered by Bob 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I own a country club in New Hampshire and handle all of the wedding planning. I run into the debate of whether children should be invited to weddings on a regular basis. First of all, you need to determine whether it is really the expense of the meal or the fact that they are just not inviting children to attend the reception at all. I have seen many weddings where children are not invited for various reasons. Rather than get angry, maybe you could work out an alternative solution to the problem.
Here are some possible solutons...
Ask if a children's meal (such as chicken fingers and fries or a hamburger) could be made available for less money. We offer this to children who are wedding guests here at our club. Children typically do not like the adult food that is served at weddings and will not eat it.
Feed your child ahead of time and ask if just a seat could be made available without food. At our club, we typically do not even charge for children who are very young (1-3 years old) because they really do not eat anything.
Ask if the facility with which they are planning their wedding has rooms available which could be used for babysitting. Then hire a babysitter to baby sit your child at the facility during the wedding. There may be several other wedding guests interested in this option who could pool their resources to make this alternative more affordable.
We have a room available at our club (for an additional charge) that wedding guests can rent for this purpose. The wedding guests would typically provide their own babysitter.
And it may be that the bride and groom do not want children to attend the wedding. This is really very common. I'm sure they are concerned (and rightly so) that children may disrupt the ceremony and or festivities at the reception. I can't tell you how many times we have had to deal with unruly children running wild around our facility and tearing through the reception at full speed while waitresses are trying to carry heavy trays loaded with food. It is an accident waiting to happen. It is unfortunately these situations people remember which influence their decisions about this matter.
You need to get a real answer from them as to why they do not want children in attendance. If they are truly just not inviting children at all you should try to respect their wishes. It is not worth causing a family rift over one day that will come and go before you know it!
2006-12-30 15:20:13 · answer #3 · answered by 14b32bbdog 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
This is a common situations - everytime a bride and groom decide not to invite someone's children, things get touchy. The truth is, weddings ARE expensive (and the fact that the future inlaws have money does not mean he has money) and there are also many other factors that are involved when setting a guest list like location size, etc. In the end, ettiquette is that SPOUSES of wedding party members should be invited, everyone else is optional. SO, if you want to offer to pay for the meal and they say yes, get - if they say no, well it is THEIR wedding and they get to make that call.
2006-12-30 15:21:14 · answer #4 · answered by Chrys 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I recommend that you get over it. Not everyone wants kids at their wedding regardless of how close they are to their parents. Also, you might not have a well behaved child, I'm not saying that this is the case. However, lots of parents think their kids are great when in fact they're brats who dont know how to behave in social situations. Again, I'm not saying that your child is brat, obviously I don't know, I've never met him. Perhaps someone else's kid IS a brat and they aren't inviting any kids except those in wedding for that reason. Since they have very clearly stated that kids aren't invited; you have two options, get a babysitter, or don't go to the wedding. Being POd about it doesn't get you anywhere. Also, what the inlaws spent has nothing to do with anything in this question. You definitely have no right to be angry because someone doesn't want children at their wedding. Young children shouldn't attend weddings for numerous reasons.
2006-12-30 00:16:05 · answer #5 · answered by maigen_obx 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Are they attempting to make the wedding a "kid-free" wedding once the wedding part is over? Are other kids invited to the reception? These are some of the questions that I would be asking before getting too upset. If there will be other kids at all the other festivities, then yes I would have a problem and speak to the groom and ask in a kind way why your son isn't invited. On the financial part, things are never what they appear to be is always my motto. Keep us posted and good luck.
2006-12-30 00:07:13 · answer #6 · answered by golden_diva7 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
read both your posts....
Children are all or nothing.
If no other children are invited then no, no children. (except for children in the wedding party - they do NOT count.)
A bride and groom can't pick and choose which child guests may come and which may not. If they allow your child to attend, then they must open it up to all children of all guests. And who knows what they might be like.
The only compromise is to explain the situation and hardship to them and propose that considering the closeness perhaps the child be a Jr. Groomsmen. Then he could be included with his Daddy without offending other guests with children since he would be part of the wedding party.
But be prepared for a No. It may be opening up a whole Pandora's box of "what about my child?" which just won't be worth it to the bride or groom. They may choose to not have your husband be a groomsman rather than deal with some kids yes/some kids no. Couples often just have to draw the line somewhere and hope people understand (meaning you).
It seems wedding guest lists always beings tensions. Try to look at it from their side. I understand your stress, but try to understand theirs.
2006-12-30 23:34:45 · answer #7 · answered by apbanpos 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
What 5 year old wants to go to a wedding? Are other children (besided the ones in the wedding) invited? If its an adult only reception, then you shouldn't be too mad. Take this as a nice weekend for you and your husband to spend some time together. Don't hold a grudge.
2006-12-29 23:52:00 · answer #8 · answered by bustylaroo99 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It sounds like something else is going on. Perhaps, they don't want other kids to come, so they are excluding all children from the reception. I can understand that if they had to pay for everyone's children as well, then it could double/triple the cost of food. Maybe you could bring your child along on the trip, bring him to the ceremony, but then maybe you and your son skip the reception, order pizza in your hotel room and rent a great kids movie (go swimming in the hotel pool), etc. If you really want to attend the reception, then you either need to find a sitter to watch him in the hotel room, or leave him behind. Offering to pay for his meal is an option, but you could risk offending your husband's best friend.
2006-12-29 23:35:27 · answer #9 · answered by Jenny 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Even if it's an adult only reception I believe exceptions should be made for close friends and family that you know would not be able to attend the wedding if they could not bring the kids with them. It totally sucks that they used money as an excuse, after all a child that age would usually eat from the parents' plates. However if they told close family members that they could not bring their kids it would seem unfair that they would invite yours. His kids would obviously be able to attend because they are part of the wedding party. I guess they could have handled the situation better, particularly if you are so close.
2006-12-29 23:32:25 · answer #10 · answered by marij 2 · 2⤊ 1⤋