All my life, somehow I just end up w lousy guys. I get to know them, put my trust in them, love them w all my heart, then watch 'em turn from nice guys into monsters, dey start treating me like trash, scold me, put me down, make me feel so low every time one leaves me i am broken and feel so worthless i ask ppl if i deserve better.
I read b4, u need to love urself to get gd guys... aft a 2yr depression (I rem i described it at tat time as a 'bottomless pit where there's no lifesavin rope to save me anymore - i gotta climb outta it myself'), i vowed nvr to get there or let any1 mess w me like tat again..aft tat, I actually found a man who really loved me, n still does.He's everythin i dreamt n all qlties the jerks dun hv.
But I still fell in love w someone else who showed me he was worth to put my trust in him, then suddenly treats me like trash again...
So do i never get anywhere? Is tat nice guy e 1 chance in my life to make it rite? Can i stil trust myself to find another gd guy?
2006-12-29 14:58:06 · 9 answers · asked by Anonymous in Health ➔ Mental Health
you are the one thing that has been in all these relationships. look to yourself for the answer.
2006-12-29 15:10:27 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello. The problem is with how you feel about you self. Believe in you, even when everyone around you fails. Take time to love yourself first, and demand that from others, you deserve it. You are drawn to the wrong men because of how you feel about yourself. Girl you have to pick yourself up and never give up. Sure there is a good man out there for you. For now you should focus on yourself and stop giving all your attention to worthless men, you are better than that. Make a journal, write down your feelings. Put in it something good about yourself everyday. And have some me time girl you are worth all the time in the world. Don't let any man or person define who you are. You are one of a kind, there isn't another you out there. You deserve the same happiness and respect anybody else get. You must find yourself, only then can you be a perfect woman for someone else. Forget every bad thing and start today that no one else will mistreat you again like that. You are worth far more than you give yourself credit. Haven't you ever notice a ugly person (that think their so cute) can get someone easy to be with? Girl it's attitude, do the same. I mean have an attitude that you are worth far more than this, and believe it. I'm a Christian and I have a movie for you to see. Watch this when you feel bad and remember, I am priceless. Take care
2006-12-29 23:13:44 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The problem isn't the men Hun, it is you. There is something in this you are drawn to...or perhaps equally the type of men who are attracted to the way you portray yourself. The thing here is......do you really want to change? Seems you said you had a good one, and for reasons unspecified tested the waters again. Must be something you like in the jerks. Go with it, or find out what you need to change in yourself. Might be hard to look at it as your problem, but if it is you have the power to change the equation yourself. If it isn't you....you are powerless to change and are doomed to be with the "jerks". Power to change or doomed...I know which of the two I would choose. Be well.
2006-12-29 23:11:00 · answer #3 · answered by Rod s 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to end the relationship and read up on "unhealthy relationships" and try to find out what category your guy fit into. If you read up on all this stuff it will scare you enough that you won't go back to him. If you need to talk to someone about what you have been through, then do so. It will help you figure out who and what you are. You deserve better, so take a self esteem course and find a great man. There are lots out there still. Good luck.
2006-12-29 23:04:08 · answer #4 · answered by elanabutcher 4 · 2⤊ 0⤋
While looking up and thinking about what is wrong with destructive guys may scare you, it likely does not cover the whole picture of what is going on.
Think about it, you say a lot about what you hate about these guys the question is what do you like about them? Remember what makes "love" is what you like about someone minus what you hate. If you look at a guy and think of all the superficial pluses: looking great in front of your friends, knowing just what to say to your parents, having a great job....and do not watch out for the minuses such as conceitedness and lack of healthy long-term hobbies, you can easily end up with a bad guy who makes you feel very good every now and then.
Also be aware that you might identify love from your views on family relationships.
For example if your mother or father was abusive to you or each other, you might have a habit of considering abuse as something necessary for love (for example, thinking when a guy threatens others who talk to you he's doing it because he cares when, in reality, the guy is just abusively possessive).
Some warning signs about bad guys: watch out for guys who
1) Are overly possessive tell you who to see, when you can and can not see family...and then say they are doing it "because they care about you". Same goes for guys who constantly bad mouth other people and call them "monsters", especially if they try and call your family and/or friends in your support system "monsters".
2) Brag a whole lot about how tough they are and/or they have beat down or damaged other people and how it makes them "heroes to women".
3) Want you to stay as a housewife and are very heavily against your getting a job or being able to support yourself. Or use their having money to say "I have the money, so you do as I say or get left on the streets"
4) Have a constant need to fantasize about who they are. Guys who feel a need to get drunk, talk about other women, go to bars without you often, have guy time where it is illegal for you to listen in....most likely guys who do this are covering up for bad self-esteem by trying to make themselves feel popular.
Try to find guys who do not do any of the things in #1,2,3, or 4 and make sure you are not attracted to a guy just because he reminds you of something familiar (IE how your family treated you when they were semi-abusive, if at all).
If you still find yourself picking bad guys after using this advice, I would strongly suggest you see a relationship therapist about this issue. I have highlighted the most common issues I have seen having had several groups of friends who have been and and out of abusive relationships, but, of course, there are several more answers and I would probably have to write a book to cover them all.
Best of luck and, don't worry, if someone you meet tries to "put you in your place", chances are they are just jealous of what great things you do have going for you. :-)
2006-12-29 23:38:29 · answer #5 · answered by M S 5 · 2⤊ 0⤋
I wouldn't trust myself if I were you until you find out just what characteristics draw you to these kind of men. We gravitate towards what is familiar behavior. There is something that draws you to them you just don't realize it.You do deserve better but without counseling you will make the same choice again. Good luck!
2006-12-29 23:05:52 · answer #6 · answered by Pamela V 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
you did not say how old you are but since you said ever time i take you have been hert a lot try not looking for love some times thats when you find true love ,he is not worth your tears,belive me i live it a marrage that he treated me like crap for 30 years and i tell you there is life after a bad man. and if you dont find him well at less you will not hurt any more
2006-12-29 23:12:19 · answer #7 · answered by mary m 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
The short answer is that you don't need another person to define yourself as a good person.
Yes, a psychologist will help you sort out your feelings. I would highgly recommend that you seek one out.
Find your own strength, and once you do, free yourself to share that strength with another person.
2006-12-29 23:09:35 · answer #8 · answered by rawson_wayne 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
No one can give you self esteem, thats something you earn yourself. I once read that girls get involved with guys who had the behaviors/traits of their fathers. Did your father treat women like this....???
2006-12-29 23:13:11 · answer #9 · answered by Luke 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋