Should I be offended.....?

Question

My wealthy in-laws always get me "TJ Maxx" clothes in the wrong size and cheap housewares for Christmas. My sister-in-law, their daughter, always regifts me her employer's Holiday gift, as evidenced by the company name on the items (My brother works for the same company, and he has received the same items). I always buy them something nice; this year monogrammed fleece robes from LLBean wrapped in LLBean totebags with their names personalizing the bags. I know it should be the thought that counts, but I can't help thinking they are lacking in good thoughts about me.

Answer 1

as for the mother and father in-law, it sounds like maybe they just dont know what you like. i know from my own experience, if you don't really have some dead-set ideas on things that you know someone will like, its hard to spend a lot of money on a gamble, so maybe that's the case. clothing is never a good idea to give as a gift, people should know this by now!

the sister in-law regifting the company gifts branded with the name/logo, THAT is one of the tackiest things i've ever heard of. how old is she, 8??? she should know better! next year you should regift her the cheap clothes the mother got you this year.

yes it IS the thought that counts. that's why when someone just uses you as a "thrift shop" for all their unwanted things, it really hurts. i understand that you don't care about getting nice things from them, you just don't want to feel like a trivial part of the family. she might as well have just said, "Here, YOU throw it away. Merry Christmas!". it would have been much better not to have been given anything at all

how to resolve the situation isn't an easy thing to tell. just grin and bare the gifts next season. if you don't like them you can sell them on ebay or donate them. simplify your gift giving to them as well, it will be a passive way of showing that their projected feelings towards you have lessenned your motivation to please them with the material things you give. it may make them stop and think, who knows

Answer 2

If they are wealthy, and giving you cheap stuff, then yes, you should be. If they had any decency whatsoever, they would at least get the right size. Well, actually, it depends...did they get the wrong size, as in, waaaaaay too big and they could have obviously seen it? Or, just a little bit too big for your liking? It could be a mistake, or they could trying to make you feel fat....? But if they are wealthy and are regifting and buying cheap clothes in the wrong size, then something is definitely up. But hey, they ARE your in-laws, right? I suppose it's to be expected. Do they like you in general? If they respected you and liked you, they would buy something they thought that you might actually enjoy. So I don't know....think about how they act toward you. Do they do this every year? That might be a sign. I'm sorry you've been getting crap gifts...talk to your husband about it. Maybe you're just being sensitive. That's all I got. Good luck. =)

Answer 3

Could be they are actually broke due to their expensive house, cars, etc. and have to buy for a lot of people during the holidays.

I personally buy for my kids and immediate family only anymore. I got tired of going into debt trying to live up to everyone's expectations. They thought I was ballin' because I have a few nice things, but that's because I prioritized and saved for them.

If they get you anything, say thank you and move on. Life doesn't begin or end on a gift. If you think you are overdoing it, cut back. Once your kids grow up and need more expensive things, school dues, graduation supplies, fees, books, tuition, etc., you will see why there's a need to conserve when gifting to anyone other than immediate family.

Cut back on your purchases so you don't feel offended by the inequity, save the difference, and buy something you really want--don't depend on someone else to give it to you.

If they were lacking in good thoughts, they would probably not gift to you at all.

(and if they are truly wealthy, it's probably because they are cheap and know how to manage their money without giving it away)

i know this will sound mean spirited, but truly did not mean it any way other than to give you a different point of view.

Answer 4

I think you should regift them some of the things they have given you in the past. That is downright rude, not to mention ballsy. It would be one thing if you didn't do much for them either, but it sounds like you put a lot of thought into their gifts. I have a couple of tacky family members as well, and the rest of us decided (majority rule) that we would all do gift cards from then on. They had to follow suit because the rest of us agreed. It's been smooth sailing for the last three years, as a result, and I haven't had any crap to take home!

Answer 5

If they're not strapped for cash, then yes, it sounds as though they are thoughtless people.

Maybe next year you could try putting a price limit on the gifts, drawing names from a hat (with or without price limits), only buying for kids in the family, suggesting everyone buy each other gift cards, or asking everyone to make a list of the top five things that they want?

You could also try to avoid the gift problem altogether by asking for donations to a charity instead of giving gifts to each other.

It is the thought that counts, but when someone isn't putting in any thought at all, it's hard to accept, especially when it's family.

Answer 6

You should continue to accept their gifts with grace. You should also continue to buy them gifts (if thats what your family has traditionally done). Keep your gifts to a strict budget, however. You can buy some very nice little baubles or decorations, or better yet - something edible - a cheese box or candy basket.

In my experience, it's always best to accept relatives foibles with grace. Never back stab, never gossip, never accept anyone who does, and always, always be gracious. There is a verse in the bible that speaks of piling hot coals on the heads of your enemies (not that your inlaws are your enemies), but it rings true. Your kindness and generosity are your hot coals dear. They won't soon forget it and they won't be able to EVER say anything against you. And hopefuly, just maybe - they will get the picture one of these days.

Answer 7

Did you tell them about the wrong size and ask for a gift receipt to go get the correct size? Do they ask for an xmas list where you give them your size?

Perhaps they think you will like the employers holiday gifts?

Like others said, they didn't get rich by spending lavishly on others yaknow.

Get them something from TJMaxx next year, the correct size (show you are the better person).

Answer 8

Well this is only a suggestion. Nest Xmas season, just suggest that presents would not be exchanged. This way the money you save buying them a nice gift, you could treat yourself. I do want to say this, sometimes people are not good at picking out gifts. I am the worse. Or just because you say they are wealthy, well maybe they do not have a lot of liquid money, just assets. They could be eat up in debt.

Answer 9

That is so insensitive of them! My sister's in-laws treat them the same way. One of them didn't get anything from her in laws (parents or sisters). They came over and brought gifts for her husband and step daughter (who doesn't even live with them) but nothing for her. My other sister always gets clearance stuff and the wrong size if anything. I don't have parents-in laws, but my sister in laws and brother in laws always give us nice inexpensive gifts. You shouldn't go out of your way for your in laws - next time give them something cheap and something they don't need or will not use. Maybe they will see how it feels when the shoe is on the other foot. How does your husband feel about the situation? I don't think that you are being materialistic - I think that you feel bad because it is a special time and you go out of your way to get them nice well thought out gifts and get crap in return. Good Luck.

Answer 10

Yeah, you´re probably right. And I just can´t help thinking about the millions of children who will struggle just to get food into their tummies, let alone thoughtless gifts under their tree, while you throw brandnames around as if they mean anything in the real world. Barbie and Ken would probably be disgusted in the shallowness of this question, if they weren´t so busy buying Giordano shoes for Benji.
And if the thoughts are the things that really count, what are you calling your sister? An LLBean Bag with name tags?
Answering your question now, I think you should be offended at your own shallowness and grateful you even have a family. Stop looking at the glass half full and enjoy the excesses you have while you have them!
Merry X-Mas!