Am I being selfish?

Question

Me and my husband are so in love, we have a daughter and Im pregnant with our 2nd child. However, we have a huge problem, that we constantly fight over. His family and my family. He doesnt really like my parents much and when I go over there most times with our daughter he gets jelous and angry, and he doesnt like going over there. I never had a problem with his parents until he started getting like this about my parents and its making me not want to be aroung his parents, like Im resenting them and I cant help being angry now when he wants us to go round there. Is this normal or am I just being selfish?

Answer 1

The funny thing about marriage is now you have a family. Who cares what they think...you can love them or hate them but when the day is done show love to you family...your husband and children. The world will be great

Answer 2

I don't think ur being selfish at all. You need to sit down with your husband and talk. when things start to get heated up in the discussion you need to be the adult and say time out. this problem with ur parents and his needs to come to a compromise and find some equal understanding. My husband and I have the same problem he can't stand my parents and I loath it when his comes over to see the kids, we fought so much it nearly broke us up. Because we love each other so much we came to a compromise. We tolerate each other parents for each other. This has taken alot of stress off me. We still have the occassional fight but very rare. Hope u and ur hubby can do the same . good luck

Answer 3

Perhaps you should sit down with your husband and try to find out what it is about your parents that has him in such a state. Then you could talk to both your parents and husband as to how the situation is effecting you and also your daughter, as she must pick up on the situation as well. I would also tell your husband that it is unfair that he expects you to be happy to be around his parents when he has such an issue with yours. His jealousy over your parents needs to be address as they have a right to see you and your daughter and he needs to recognise this. Unless there is a clear reasonable reason that he is like this with your parents, you need to stand your ground and state that you need the contact with your parents now more than ever when you have one child and another on the way.

Answer 4

He should not be getting angry adn jealous when you go to see your parents!
You need to set it straight with him that you are entitled to see your parents whenever you want whether he likes them or not.
He sounds very controlling. My guess is that he will get a lot worse as time goes on, teling you where you can and can't go and who you can and can't see. Nip it in the bud and let him know that he cannot dictate whether or not you can see your family. This is what abusive control freaks do and the more he can get away with this unacceptible behaivior the worse it will get. Also get a copy on Amazon of the book The Verbally Abusive Relationship so you will know when your relationship is REALLY in trouble.

Answer 5

I wouldn't say selfish but if you want your marriage to work you have to get to the root of the problem. What is it that he doesn't like about your family? Is it things they say or how they treat him? It might be a hard road but you need to sort it out before your relationship starts to really show cracks. Perhaps a big family meeting to talk. Set strict rules and have a mediator. Someone outside the family that you trust or get a professional in. Communication will get you out of this but keep a level head, no raised voices and no mud slinging.

Answer 6

Sounds more like your hurt by his attitude. He doesn't have to like your parents but he needs to show you more respect. If you like his parents; don't take his actions out on them unless they uphold his attitude. Forsaking all others is a two way street. You need to talk this over, not argue, talk. Try to make him understand how you feel. Your parents raised you & you say he loves you. If so, then he should stop this nonsense. Do your parents like him? Could this be a problem? Talking will clear the issue. In any event; he would not keep me from my parents!

Answer 7

I've been there, done that! ~ Gee, I thought I was the only one who had this problem :) Unfortunately, things haven't changed much for the time I have been married (7 years) ~ Some men are just jeolous (like mine) and there isn't much that can be done about it. I think the only thing that probably made things a little better is by giving him the same treatment ~ This way he has some compasion after he knows how it feels to be treated this way.

Good luck!

Answer 8

Let me see if I can get this straight.... your husband doesn't like your parents, refuses to see them, and gets jealous when you take your kids to see them? You in turn are starting to not want to see his parents?

I think your husband is the selfish one, and what's with the controlling/jealous behavior of his? That is NOT a good thing. If you resent seeing his parents because he won't see yours I get where you're coming from, but try to realize that by not seeing them you're punishing your child's grandparents and your child by not letting them get together. You're not punishing your husband by not wanting to see his parents. I think maybe you should go to family counselling if you can't figure out why your husband doesn't like your parents. You need to talk it out because it'll just get worse. Good luck.

Answer 9

You are not being selfish at all. I understand, My husband was like that too. And you do begin to resent the others. But, somehow you work throug hit and move on. My husband had to learn to get over it , and that no matter if he liked it or not they were still family, just like i had too. Let him know that what hes doing is not fair to you at all. I hope it all workss out for you.

Answer 10

I am so thankful that we do not have that in my family, honestly I think it is so destructive to a relationship. I would tell my husband that I love him with no boundaries but my family is a very important part of my life also. I missed my little sister so much when I got married years ago, we had just lost our only brother and her and I comforted each other, my parents sort of just about died when he died so I think if I had not included her in about everything we did she would have had a lot of problems. I visited them so much and my husband has always been very supportive of that, thank God!!!!! I think your husband needs to support you in loving your family, you are very lucky to have them and to have a loving family, a lot of people would do anything to have that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I always told our kids when they married, if you go visit his family he will come visit with you and all three of our kids did that and their mates come with them, we told them when they married now we have 6 children instead of 3! I sure hope you work it all out, it is a sad thing for you and I feel for you!