I'm 14 and my parents don't trust me at all. I asked to go to the park tomorrow, and they yelled at me and told me I just want to go sneak off and do something stupid. They leave absolutely no room whatsoever for compromise... I can't do anything! They treat me like a 5 year old, no matter what I do. I swore I wasn't going to do anything I shouldn't, but they still don't believe me. I never get to hang out with my friends. I have to be in the house, all day if I'm not at school. I don't get to have ANY fun. The park isn't even too far away... yet my parents still are leaning towards a no on letting me go. I told them I only want to hang out with my friends ONCE for the Christmas break... and that's all. The only time I broke their trust was over a year ago sneaking out of church. I went about A BLOCK away, and that was to get coffee. I wouldn't do anything like that again now that they've shown their obvious disapproval. How can I compromise with them so I can go out?
2006-12-29 11:53:59 · 12 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
You've broken their trust. The next time they trust you, don't break it.
2006-12-29 11:56:35 · answer #1 · answered by S K 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
What a problem you have! I have a suggestion that you may not think is win win, but it truly is. Sit your mom and dad down and in a mature manner (which I sense from what you sound like above) express to them how you feel. You may need to write it all down first and practice a few times so that you are not long winded, (like me) and can get to and stay on the point of the topic. 1) Acknowledge again to them that you know what you did OVER a year ago, apologize to them again. For heaven's sake why on earth did you go get coffee? Why are you drinking coffee at your age??? OOPS, see it's that track thing I was talking about. 2) Ask your parents what it is they are afraid of. Be patient and don't interrupt them. 3) Write out a contract with them stating that you promise to be where you say you will be and with whom you say you will be. 4) If this simply doesn't work, talk to your family about getting into family counseling, because you guys have some deep trust issues. There may be more to this story than you have told us...but given the information you have these suggestions should work. Act like a mature teenager and you should be treated as such! (That's my motto) I hope you get what you want and don't betray your parents trust. I wish a better teen year for you. Happy Trails. Nana
2006-12-29 20:07:17 · answer #2 · answered by nanawnuts 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Your parents are merely, concerned about you and from your own description of what you did - leaving church to get coffee, does not seem like a terrible offense. However, you should have told someone there where you were going so that your parents would not have been alarmed and upset about your whereabouts.
Now, as for their distrust and disapproval of your friends there are some questions you must answer for yourself in order to better understand their position on whom you are with. 1. Are your friends troublemakers who are always in trouble or involved in some risky behaviors or negative circumstances or do most of them present an image of responsible youth? 2. Are you easily led or do you always stick to your own personal values in a crowd? 3. What is the reputation of this park where you are asking to go and is it a safe place to be? Why don't you try inviting a few of your friend to your home to meet your parents so they will know who they are and give them a sense of the kind of relationships you are interested in forming with them. If you had children and put yourself in your parent's place, would YOU then, say yes or no to your children under the same set of circumstances? Work with your parents, not against them and they will, certainly, work with you. Best wishes.
2006-12-29 21:00:25 · answer #3 · answered by Jess4rsake 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Maybe your parents would be willing for you to have ONE FRIEND at your house when they are there. Then after awhile they might be willing to let you go to this friend's house while the parents were home - maybe the other person's mom could call your mom and say that there would be an adult in the house. Maybe they just want you to be supervised. If they'd let you do this and your friend behaved and was respectful, they might let you have more freedom. Also, are there activities you could do that would legitimately keep you with your friends, such as a sport or some type of club? Would you be allowed to attend church and church activities with a friend?
2006-12-29 20:06:17 · answer #4 · answered by Cris O 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your parents are over controlling. I think leaving church and going for coffee is one of the more mild things. I left church class and went to a park with my friend. My father did not know where I was, but he did not get angry at me at all.
Tell you parents that you need to strike up a compromise with them. Tell them that you want to see your friends. Here are somethings that help me. My parents used to not be too strict with me because my mom used to run wild because her mother was too controling.
One of my friends parents were strict and cared who their daughter was with. They made their home a very inviting place for young people to come. Ask you parents if you can have your friends over for lunch and a movie.
2006-12-29 20:07:18 · answer #5 · answered by adobeprincess 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
well ya know they were 14 once you must know this.and i gotta tell ya when i was 14 back in 1985.i was a terror.i would lie and tell my parents that i was going here and i was really going there ya kno what i mean?anyway i got into alot of crap ,because i was young.i know you hate to hear that but you are a young girl and you plenty of time to hang out.hanging out can turn into alot of things .anything can happen.believe me.i cannot believe i must sound like an old fart lol i have no kids but if i did i would tell them the same thing.your parents love you and if you listen to them you will be ok.i know this is not the answer you want but i had to answer it anyway.
2006-12-29 20:25:38 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Ask them if you can a friend that they trust or a family member your age.
2006-12-29 19:57:59 · answer #7 · answered by AliApplesauce 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
It takes time to earn their trust back. Give it time.
2006-12-29 21:08:14 · answer #8 · answered by Jodi C 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
imagine when ur 17 or 18
try joining a school activity
2006-12-29 20:00:52 · answer #9 · answered by Orlinda K 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
wowwww, that sucks just tell them how you feel or write them a note about how controled you feel i mean you are 14....
2006-12-29 19:57:37 · answer #10 · answered by corkkaylove 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋