help i can't get my bf's exwife out of our lives,should i just learn to live with it or bail?

Question

been going with my bf for 5 yrs and just got engaged.the problem is his exwife jo.she still loves him and will not leave us or his family alone.they have a 8 yr old son tom and jo uses him like bait to get into family functions and to contact my bf daily.she calls him for EVERYTHING, from tom stubbing his to toe to his last bowel movement(not kidding)which then leads into a 15-20 min conversation about other things.this would not bother me much if she was not such a ***** to me.she always trys to undermind me to my inlaws,and has made it very clear she wants me to have nothing to do with her son.my bf will not say anything to her period as he said he wants to take the high road with her for tom's sake and has told me if i don't like it get out.they have joint custody so she can't deny him visatation rights.he said i don't have a child so i won't understand his reasoning.i just feel she is controlling him thru tom and to involved in our lives.i have to live with it or get out am i wrong

one last thing he did not leave her for me i met him after he left her

Answer 1

Hon.....this will drive you nuts! She is NO longer his wife. He needs to NOT take phone calls from her. Get a number where she can only leave a messege about the kid and that is it.
She needs to butt out of your life and your BF needs to stand up to her. She is NO longer his wife. The only thing that connects them is the child. He is not taking the high road....he is taking the whimpy road. He can be a good father and not be whipped by her. She will control you guys until hellllll freezes over.

5 years is a very long time for you to put up with this crap.

Get some couples counseling before you bail out on the relationship.

You can't live like this. Things need to change. Or this whole family will be under the control of this obnoxious woman.
Do it for the child. Can you imagine how the behaviour of this woman will affect him. Geesh.

Stand up for yourself or take on the role of door mat

Answer 2

First and foremost - they have a history - they were married at one time and they do share a child

they will be in each others lives, until, at least until this child of theirs is 18

second make everyone around you both see what a good thing it is that you are in this guy's life now and how its improved since they divorced

third you have to find a way to make some sort of positive relationship build with you and your fiance's child

and then remember what our mamma's always told us
if you can't say anything nice don't say anything at all
-- in other words - don't let anyone in his family or hers hear you say something negative about her - show her that you are above all the high school BS and never ever make a man choose a female over his own flesh and blood -- the child will always come first and that is the way it should be

Answer 3

When there are kids involved, she will ALWAYS be calling your b/f up at all hours of the day/night. No matter if it's something important or not. I have learned this first handed!!! My husband was married to his ex for a year before they divorced. They too shared joint custody. They had 2 kids prior to getting married. While my husband and I were dating she would purposely call up demanding that he talk to her ....using the kids as topic of the converstation (which would always lead to other stuff). When we got married we kept it a secret so she wouldnt ruin our day. She would show up at our house all hours of the day and night when my husband was home "to see the kids" (on our days to have the kids). She was constantly calling, showing up, wanting to be involved in our lives. My advice to you is that if you dont like it now, things definately wont change in the end. She will still find ways to ruin you and your b/f's (fiances) lives, especially if she still "loves him"! If you can't handle that kind of drama I say run! BUT, if it is more of an annoyance, and he doesnt fall for her crap all the time and you really LOVE him and want to be with him forever....then you'll just have to deal with it until the kid is 18 and out of school. Until then, I hope you the best! Ex's can be really pycho and contolling!!!!!

step mom of Logan 8, hunter 6, and mom of Alex, and baby on way

Answer 4

It depends on how long you two have been together? If youve only dated a few months, bow down, and let him go. If you live together, then sit him down and ask where he sees himself next year, and are you in the picture and how much? It sounds to me like he gets off having her and you. Not to say that they shouldn't both be involved in their son's life, but it doens't sound from what you have described, as a finished relationship. Otherwise, he wouldn't allow her to be so controlling.

Answer 5

This is going to be a life long fight, and if you were not involved before in the break-up, he should be standing up for you...Like I said it will be a battle for life...go on and find a real man, and start your own life with someone else, believe me you will be happier..