This May I will be moving into an apartment with my boyfriend of 4 years out of wedlock. We are old enough, financially capable, and using protection. His mother hates me because “I am taking her baby away” –even though I was the best thing since canned beer before we got serious. Anyways she is totally against it, she says for religious reasons and that she does not believe we are a good match. Although we love each other and will be getting married after we are done with college. What can I do to change her mind?
2006-12-29 11:29:06 · 15 answers · asked by Vivid Image 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
Good luck with that! I wish I had a better answer for you, but I don't! But I can totally sympathize with you. My, now mother in law, loved me until there was the slightest sign of seriousness! Before we would go shopping together, go to movies, dinner, anything and there was never a problem. But the second a ring appeared, she hated me! She didn't even see my ring for 4 months after we became engaged, which we did BEFORE moving in together! But that didn't matter either! Stay strong and don't let her break you two up, because this is a test she is doing! Whether she realizes it, or is doing it subconciously, she is trying to see if you will stick it out or run at the first sign of trouble! So don't give in and don't let her win! When you see or talk to her, no matter how hard it is, and trust me it will be hard, just smile and nod and show her the utmost of respect. Because your boyfriend will be angered if you treat his "mommy" wrong! Don't go against her, if she is telling you something that you don't agree with, don't argue, simply tell her, I understand your point of view, but I'm sorry you feel that way because I don't, and LEAVE IT AT THAT!. Make sure this doesn't become a "Pissing contest" (for lack of better words) between the two of you, with both of you trying to get the last word in! After 2 years fo this type of behavior from my MIL, she has finally accepted that I'm here to stay and has since began treating me with the respect that I gave her all along! Good luck!
2006-12-29 11:44:40 · answer #1 · answered by jen 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
girllllllll, u can't I am 26, live with someone, been away at school alone, etc etc. I am up for a new job in which means I will move to a new state, I tell her Florida is an option first thing she says is Hurricanes. I say "of course u think negative" she says I am your mother I will always worry. My brother moved away also and is much older than me, she is constantly worrying about what will happen to him. Long story short, never will they. When my boo and I moved, she told me she was worried and said nothing (just recently she told me). Now on the flip side his mother: Always has something negative to say, doesn't care for me much yada yada. The way I handle it. For one I don't try to change her mind. You can't make a person like you. If they don't see the good in you then their lost. Just respect her is all. Handle things like a lady, act like it doesn't even bother you. Take the high road.
2006-12-29 11:34:01 · answer #2 · answered by uthinkso 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Honestly there is probably nothing you can do to change her mind. But the best thing you can do is not argue with her. She will do everthing possible to drive a stake between you and your boyfriend and try and keep her son on her side. Just be as nice as possible and don't fall for it. You will eventually win her over if things stay calm and go great. Patience is your virtue!
2006-12-29 11:33:48 · answer #3 · answered by cakelady 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Nothing, as she probably just doesn't like you for some reason that may not be rational. If your boyfriend proposes to you and your status becomes "fiancee," then she may treat you differently and accept your move. Also, make sure you both move into a completely different apartment, versus his or your old apartment, as it cuts down on conflict.
2006-12-29 11:35:24 · answer #4 · answered by Stephan P 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't try to change her mind-nothing you can do to make her see things your way. She may have given him life but, he is the one who has to live it. Don't worry about her feelings for you, you seem to have a good head on your shoulders and I am sure that you and your boyfriend will be very happy together.
2006-12-29 12:15:25 · answer #5 · answered by Urchin 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You can't change her mind. Over time she will get used to it (maybe). It's common for a mother to be upset when their kid moves out.
2006-12-29 14:07:23 · answer #6 · answered by andy 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Girl just continue being you and complete your education. Once you guys have your careers and are ready to get married she'll come around. Once she sees how much both of you have accomplished she will learn to accept you into her life.
Best of luck :)
2006-12-29 11:44:16 · answer #7 · answered by olmedaevelyn 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Don't try to change her mind. Live your life the way you want just like she does hers.
2006-12-29 12:08:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
dont try. she will believe what she wants to. just show her by your actions with him. after she sees her son is happy she may let up on some of her objections. good luck
2006-12-29 11:32:38 · answer #9 · answered by katlady 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sorry, no mother can easily let their baby go. Only time, and grandchildren will make her see different.
2006-12-29 11:32:52 · answer #10 · answered by Ian 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋