my daughter is 21 yrs old very smart. her boyfriend is a dumbass pretty boy. i really dont like him i knew his dad and grandfather bothof them were involved in mafia things. and this guy is no different. he bulls people to to try to make things right. when he was 14 he beat up a grown man by pulling his hair and bashing his head against the ally walls. all the women who dont know him say his looks like a sweet angel but hes not.hes spoild and i really dont like him. i told my daughter that if she stayed with him i wouldnt pay her apt rent and she said shes already precticly living at his place. im not used to her saying no to me shes always done what i tell her to do. what should i do theyve been together for 5 monthes now.
2006-12-29 11:16:09 · 32 answers · asked by me 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
She will have to learn for herself what kind of guy he is. You need to stop talking negative about him to her. It will only make her want to stay with him more. Instead, tell her that she is a grown woman and she makes her own choices, but if she ever needs to get out of the relationship she can and you will help her. Try to maintain a relationship with her.
2006-12-29 11:20:40 · answer #1 · answered by steffers4979 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
First off, remember there is a big difference between being smart and being wise! Where as you daughter is is smart she may not yet be wise enough to see beyond the euphoria of having a really cute guy give her so much attention. Wisdom is sometimes a gift that some are born with and some aquire it through experience. Some never reach the level of wisdom that keeps then from making long term relationship mistakes.
With that said, if you really think she has true common sense, only through your support during what will no doubt be a tough time on its own will you be able to "help" your daughter.
Right now you are making the problem worse by the threats and bullying. You will in essence make her more dependant on him by taking her apartment away.
Tell her your concerns and let her know that the relationship that you and her share is more important than anyone. It will also show her that you are mature and her respect for you will grow in time. It is also equally important to have a talk with the boyfriend voicing your concerns.
This will take lots of patience on your part....and maybe some growing up on your part too.
Your daughter will make her mistakes......we all do!
2006-12-29 11:35:05 · answer #2 · answered by CSnumber1 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I really don't think that there is anything that you can do. You do not want to drive a wedge in between you and her over a silly guy. You need to support her no matter what. If you stay "on her side" over this then maybe she will come to see the light about him. You are lucky that it took so long for her to say no to you. Many girls leave home and rebel a lot younger than 21. Love your daughter, because when this is over, she will need you. Good luck.
2006-12-29 11:26:53 · answer #3 · answered by looloo1122 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
As you said your daughter is 21, you have to let her make her mistakes . why dont you sit down with her and talk to her about it without threatening to stop helping her out.. See what she sees in him and then let her know your side of it calmly and maybe yall can meet at a happy median..
As a parent you will always want to protect your children from things that may or may not hurt them., but in the long wrong you have to stop trying to have the last say and let them make the decision for themselves. You can always give her your opinion, but if you threaten to stop doing things and constantly take the angry way all you are going to do is push her closer and closer to this boy.. So you got to be smart.
Now if she is doing something that is totally out of her character like if he is getting her to do bad things , then you need to start pointing those things out especially if it is affecting her and let her know that you care and love her .
You have to have faith that you have raised your child with good morals and smarts ..
2006-12-29 11:22:18 · answer #4 · answered by Amazing_clarity 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Dear Mom,
Heartbreaking as it is, your daughter is an adult and legally responsible for herself.
From your description of the boyfriend, it could be dangerous for you to attempt to end the relationship. I would suggest the following:
Express your sincere disappointment in your daughter's choice of a boyfriend. Let her know that you have decided to stop all monetary support because of your concerns, but keep the door open for your daughter should she come to her senses. Anotherwards, don't yell, remain calm; let her know that she and she alone is free to visit at anytime, but that you cannot support her decision to remain with this man. I must emphasize that you should CALMLY let her know that this is HER decision but that her decision will have consequences.
As difficult as it may be to accept, your daughter is going to make mistakes that you cannot save her from. Good luck and God bless!
2006-12-29 11:36:46 · answer #5 · answered by holymolyma 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I can relate to that, when I was young..my dad hated the boy I date.Though their family is not into that mafia thing, its just that i'm an only child and gave me the best and he doesnt want me to end up with a dumb ***. But at that time, I never thought of what would become of me coz I love that guy and all I think of is that my Dad just dont want him to be with me because he doesnt live up to his standards and wants me to have a perfect guy. i never listened until I got hurt. Just let your daughter know that you like the guy not because "you just don't like him" but because you love her and you don't want her to end up being hurt. That she's still young and the world awaits for her. But also, do understand that it would take time. Your daughter is so much into that guy and it won't be easy. You dont have power over her feelings but as a Dad, just assure her that you are just concerned and that you hope the best for her...
2006-12-29 11:24:25 · answer #6 · answered by maldita_mary 1 · 1⤊ 0⤋
your daughter is 21, legally an adult for 3 years now, you shouldn't be paying her rent. Talk about spoiled. Next you say that you are not used to her saying no to you and she always does as you say. Wow! how long do you expect her to do that? Keep pushing the issue and you will push her right away from you.
2006-12-29 11:24:44 · answer #7 · answered by Pandora 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Talk to her about him. Dating the son of a mob man is dangerous, but in the end all you can do is give her your opinion. At 21 she's an adult, and as much as you may hate it that's all you can do--talk and hope she listens.
Just explain that you're worried for her safety. Don't give her any threats or warnings, just be honest with her. Most importantly is to listen to her. She has a solid head on her shoulders, and you have to remember that.
2006-12-29 11:19:08 · answer #8 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Unfortunately she is an adult and can do what she wants, even though it is wrong. Try to reason with her. It sounds like this guy is a loser and does not offer her a good future. Is there anyone in the family that she will listen too. This sounds like a long shot, but write a letter to Dr Phil. Maybe he'll invite you and her on his show and talk some sense into her. Good luck.
2006-12-29 11:23:54 · answer #9 · answered by Joe Prosnick 5 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Your daughter is 21. You can not do anything but stay out of it. Ever thought that part of this guy appeal is that you hate him so much? Let them be. If she is smart and he is no good this will end up by itself, If not, we all have the right to make our own mistakes.
2006-12-29 11:20:26 · answer #10 · answered by artist-oranit.com. 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋