My mother has been very irritable lately and has even been hurtful at times, is this a result of menopause?

Question

I know she has started menopause and I understand that it is very uncomfortable. Having been pregnant recently I am sympathetic to her having mood swings, hot-flashes, physical discomfort, but it is as if she is a totally different person. We have always been close and she has always been a very sweet, loving, caring, and giving mother. We live in different states but we e-mail each other all the time and call fequently. Lately she has been criticizing me constantly and has even been criticizing my 11 yr old daughter. I have backed-off quite a bit from calling her because I don't want to further irritate her but then she calls me and is ANGRY because I haven't called! I love my mother very much and would never intentionally hurt her but she doesn't seem to stop insulting me lately. Could this be menopause? I know it can last for years, will I ever get my real mother back?
Has anyone else gone through this with their mother? And how did she/the family cope?

I am willing to accept if he problem is ME, that is why I have stopped calling as much, but then she persues me and starts in on me right away.
If I have done soething to offend her she hasn't said.
If I ask her directly she becomes defensive and accuses me of making her a villain.
???!!!

Answer 1

First good news! I too am going through menopause and the hot flashes are uncomfortable, although, praise God I am not having the mood swings (or I don't think so) that your mother is having. I am not trying to minimalize it because it is very real. There is HRT (Hormone Replacement Therapy) that your mother can go on to help with this symptoms, but if she is like me, and many others, she cannot go on HRT. This is where the good news comes in; there are other medications that she can temporarily take to get her through menopause. It sounds silly, but my doctor put me on anti-depressent to help with the hot flashes. There is something in it that really, really helps. The upside...helps with the mood swings too! It's a win-win. Six month course then off you go. So, she may have heard bad stuff about alot of the anti-depressents. True..but there are reputable ones out there as well. I suggest an appoinment to her ob/gyn to get more information.
And oh...yes..you will get your mother back...just have patience and pray!

Answer 2

I had a hysterectomy a few years ago and I was shoved into menopause at the age of 39. It was horrible!! I have never had anything affect me that way. I am so irritable and moody some times I can't even stand myself. And I feel so bad about some of the things I say to people during these times. It has also made me feel kind of scatter brained. I can't remember things and I lose things all the time. I have never been that way. It is so frustrating. But I would suggest you talk to your mom and let her know what she is doing. I really didn't realize how bad I was until my husband and kids told me.

Answer 3

More than likely the problem is not you or your daughter. I think you need to talk to her in person or over the phone and ask her why she has been acting so strange. She probably doesn't realize how she is acting. There are all kinds of reasons for mood changes. Diabetes is one and thyroid disease is another. Tell her that you are concerned about her and ask her if she is feeling OK. Encourage her to see her doctor. She may have other symptoms that she is experiencing. Even if it;s menopause, she needs to talk to a doctor. Does she live with your Dad or someone else? If so maybe you could talk to them and ask them if they have noticed the change in her. Or if she is living with someone, maybe they are not getting along and that is the problem. Good luck.

Answer 4

I am almost in the same position as you. First of all let me tell you I feel for you lol. Second, When I couldn't take my mothers mood swings I finally yelled back at her. First time since I was 15. She finally that broke her down so we could talk about how she was acting and now everything is much better. Your mother probably doesn't even realize how she is treating you and your daughter.

Answer 5

menopause---it is a very difficult time for some women--I went throught it and yes I was a different person.I couldn't sleep-put on weight-anxious-night sweats-VERY emotional...she may go through this for years-- or not--never know--know that in time she will adjust to these changes and learn to cope for her own survival. Be kind---pick your battles carefully----maybe she would like to talk about it even---try and ignore all the little comments she may make because she probably feels horrible after she says them.You say she has always been a great mother---she still is--just going through a rough time with the changes taking place in her mind and body...shower he with Love like always....your day will come.......

Answer 6

i remember my gran when i was younger,,she was an absolute swine,,would pick fights,call others,be difficult and have something to say about everything,,,then she would end up in the bathroom crying because she could see what she was doing,,not helpful when at the time you feel you cant stop it,,,,,dont take her guff but do talk regularly to her and the odd reminder wont hurt,,'are you on one again mum?" try to ignore it as letting it get to you will cause that rift you worry over and she may not see it yet but if that rift does widen so far as to be huge,,there may be no way to get back what you have,,,,if she gets on your nerves make your excuses and leave,,,tell her someones at the door and put down the phone so she too can replay the conversations in her head,,,this is a tough time but it isnt forever,,,dont forget,,not too long ago she put up with your teenage strops and still managed,,,,its a hard judge who can choose who is worse.lol

Answer 7

Yes it is menopause. I am dealing with the same thing with someone i know. There is medication out there that will help or even herbs that will help. Eventually she will but if she doesnt taqke medication it is going to take some time to get her back. Hang in there.

Answer 8

Tell her how you feel. That she used to be a loving caring Mom but now she has turned into Mommy Dearest. Explain that you think it is menopause related and that you don't blame her but that she needs to see her OB/Gyne doc and get some meds. Good Luck!

Answer 9

call hee as you usually do. women going through menopause reacts like your mother does right now, but then it goes away after some time

Answer 10

Could be menopause, my mom did the same thing. What made her quit doing it was I told her what she was doing and how she made me feel. She may also be depressed and reacting that way. Talk to her!!!!