Spanking as a last resort?

Question

We have 3 boys 13, 8 and 4. Our oldest hasn't been spanked in a long time, but lately he has been out of control. Last month it was so bad that we threatened him with a spanking and believe it or not his behavior was much improved for about 3 weeks.

However, here we are again it is going down hill. We've tried grounding and taking away his toys but nothing seems to be working. We tried reasoning with him and he usually back talks. The only thing that phased him was the threat of a spanking. He is still just a little kid.

Should we follow through with our threats?

I ended up spanking him yesterday. thanks for the advice. It wasn't any different then spanking my younger ones and by the time I was done he knows what will be in store if his behavior doesn't improve.

Answer 1

Yes, you should spank him. Not only will it deter him, but it will serve as a good example for the other two. If you got 3 weeks of good behavior just out of the threat, think of how long he will be good for after the actual spanking! I would also follow the spanking up with a period of grounding/removal of privileges.

Answer 2

Yes, don't tell him one thing and not do it. You should always follow through on what you tell your children, especially when talking about doing that. I would also suggest making him lose all his fun in whatever manner, make him earn them back by being kind and respectful or whatever he may be doing wrong. For instance, while he is at home, no tv, bed time at 8:00 (or whenever done with homework), when he is awake and not doing anything he needs to be helping clean, he needs to be helping you. If you are going somewhere he never leaves your side.

Those are all privileges that he has earned in the past years, now he has lost them with his behavior. If he doesn't listen to those, spank him. He can earn them back, but make it take time, make him never want to do something like this again. It's not mean, it's telling him that you are the one in control, not him. You are the parent, not him. Hope that helps!

Answer 3

At thirteen, a whack on my bottom would of just ticked me off more; or I would of found it very comical at which point, that would make my mom even more mad. The one thing that did get my attention, was an open hand right across my face. He is thirteen and trying to find his way. But he has to understand that there is a respectable way to go about doing things. Thirteen is a pretty messed up time for a guy. There are a lot of things happening all around him and he's trying to find his place. Again, the key word is respect. As the parent it is automatically up to you to bring the "conversation" down to a reasonable level. You are the mediator, not just the dictator and as such you have to play both sides of the field. Not only as a reasonable parent but sometimes having to put personal feelings aside because it's not what you would of done in that situation. But he has to feel he can tell you pretty much anything and know that in the end good or bad things will work out. I am watching a friend struggle with his oldest daughter of the same age. It has got me on edge since I have two of my own. But watching the people before me, I hope that knowledge is gained. Don't know if any of the babble helped, but good luck.

Answer 4

Yes, definitely. Making an empty threat (or promise) can eventually lead to him disregarding your rules completely beause he knows he can do it and get away with it. For a 13 year old a spanking should be used only as a last resort because of the age, but taking away priveleges, grounding and things of that nature should work. If all else fails seek professional help (not that I think you can't handle it) to find other ways of dealing with the difficult teen years.

Answer 5

If you feel you need to spank him and you say your going to you should. The problem is your not following through on your threats. I have three little girls. I always told them your going to get a spanking when we get out to the truck. They would behave so badly in a store it humiliates me! People stare they throw clothes on the floor, run around the racks, scream and chase one another take off on me and their father. My daughter pulled some ladies hair at a funeral of course she was only 2 but still, we were at a funeral for an 18 month old little girl and she pulled some womans hair! The pediatrician told us to follow through with your threats kids are smart. They know you have a heart and they know you feel guilty. Have you tried sending him to bed early? No friends? No, soda?

Answer 6

Just smack him.

That is what is wrong with the world. Spanking kids is suddenly wrong, and the kids are out of control. He is old enough. When I was 13 I tried that and got smacked and well, that was the end of that.
Same with my brother. My dad smacked him once, hadn't had to again.

There is nothing wrong with spanking. Just look at the places where it is illegal. 11 and 12 year old kids are murdering toddlers because they have never been TRULY punished. (I know when I was a kid, and for the kids I watch, time out is just a joke. 'So I have to sit in the corner for 5 minutes. Oh well. I'll do it again after and sit for another 5 minutes.') . If you told him you would, you need to. If he talks back pop him in the mouth.

Answer 7

I'd be a little concerned about using spanking at 13 because he's getting to the age where he may be able to overpower you if he decides to buck. I remember my mom put in to wash my mouth out at about the same age for talking back. The problem was, I nearly wound up washing her mouth out. My mom did win the physical confrontation, but she confessed to me years later that she knew she better not try to do it again because she couldn't afford to lose that batter.

If restriction and grounding aren't working, try physical labor. A friend of mine had her boys pull weeds, dig up rocks, etc. I think, outdoor physical labor may help boys in particular to get some of the aggressiveness out. Plus, it's a better dissuader than spanking. A teenage boy isn't going to be scared of spanking for long. The military certainly believes in it, and they're experts at getting hard-headed boys to toe the line.

Answer 8

A parent should always follow through with their threats. He probably knows by now that he isnt going to get a spanking so it doesnt phase him. Show him he is wrong and needs to take you seriously.

Answer 9

There is nothing wrong with spanking as a punishment, but if it's being violent with your kids that is the concern, don't worry. My guess is that at his age, he's not scared of being spanked because of the fear of pain. The reason that spanking is a more feared punishment than say grounding or taking away privileges is because the reasons for his actions are more about being in charge. Boys at that age start to resent athority believing that they are smarter or perhaps more informed than their parents. Trust me, I know about this, I saw my older brothers go through it, I went through it, and I have a younger brother that is still recovering from it. I assume that he often yells and back talks to you as the parents, probably slams doors, lock himself in his room, and sometimes breaks out crying after fighting over something trivial. The reason spanking works and other things don't is that when you take away privileges, he will just see you as being a jerk on top of all the other things I'm sure he's compiling that he doesn't like about you. When you spank him or threaten to do so, he gets the same feeling, but also sees that if he's going to act like a little child, he going to be treated like one. I wouldn't recomend you use this though, except as a last resort if he goes completely haywire. When I was that age, I remember that when ever we had a big fight over something I had a lot of thing that I just wanted to scream at my parents. Now I'm sure that he's screaming things at you but these were other things, things that caused me to get so upset over trivial things. Looking back, of course, these things that seemed big turned out to be trivial too, but the important thing is nothing would have made me feel better than to sit down with my parents and yell my head off about these thing while they couldn't say a thing, I just wanted to be heard. Now most of these things I never said cause I knew, or rather thought I knew, that before I could say them, my parents would cut me off, yell back, and punish me more even though I had a "perfectly good reason" to be so upset. My advice, when he gets out of control, as calm as you can (and I stress calm, any agrivation could be seen as an attack) ask him what bugging him, tell him he can say whatever he wants and you won't get mad or punish him. He'll probably launch into a whole rediculous spew about how he's not loved or made fun of or that you don't really care about him, let him get it out, don't say that he's being rediculous, that will just make him think you don't understand or don't care. Speak calmly and let him get it all out, then try and see it from his perspective. Don't think that your raising him wrong, it just a period all boys get somewhere in the 12-14 years old range. They have a fire inside that is fanned by every little anoiance. If a problem arises, be calm and let him blow some steem off. He's not going wrong, he's just got a lot of feelings inside that are overwhelming him and you, the parents, are the easiest target to let some pressure out. Just be calm, that the most important, let him get some out, and the phase will wear off in about a year. If you're as calm as you can and you try to understand, but he still refuses to co-operate, than he just being a baby and feeling sorry for himself for a bunch of nothing. That's when you can spank him, he'll hate it, but it will be a good wake up call showing him how much of a baby he's being. Remember, it's just a phase, he'll get over it, but don't be afraid to urge him along a bit.

Answer 10

The worst thing in the world is a threat without a followup. If you make empty threats it will backfire big time.

It sure sounds like he needs a spanking to me--and the sooner the better. Make sure it lives up to his expectations--at his age use something like a paddle.