my fault all my fault?

Question

me and my partner of 8 years was arguing tonight not relly bad untill i asked him if he had been behind my back with this girl called beth, he then threw the remote at me which hit me in the face then he said it was my fault cause i wound him up was it my fault? he has punched me before but that was along time ago which left me with a broken nose and 2 black eyes. we have 2 kids

my questions are
1- was it my fault cause i wound him up
2-what should i do (i cannot stay with relatives and do not want to go to a shelter

any advice would be great thanks in advance

Answer 1

You do not control his actions, therefore throwing or punching or saying bad things is HIS fault when it's him doing it.

If you do not want to go to a shelter or your family, then you have successfully put yourself into a situation where you are stuck with the bed you have made for yourself. So you either swallow your pride and get out before he kills you, or just start planning your funeral. Your choice.

Answer 2

It was your fault - you meant to make him angry. If you really wanted to ask him about beth and wanted a serious answer you would have asked him in a normal conversation - not when he was angry and probably already at boiling point.

If he punched you a long time ago, he probably vowed never to do it again and you accepted this. I suspect the broken nose caused the two black eyes and not an extra punch.

What is it you want to leave him for? - throwing the remote? - sleeping with beth? or punching you a long time ago? - Think about it.

If you can't forgive him for the remote - no matter who's fault it was, then leave him. You will have to go to a shelter if you can't stay with relatives, but remember, those shelters have limited space and can be used for someone who really has no where to stay so make sure that you only use the shelter if you really have no where else to go. Go to your local social services who will find you and your child accommodation.

Answer 3

So, he's trying to convince you that assaulting you was your fault. And, you think you should believe him? The only way he can continue to do this is if you believe him when he blames you. We are all responsible for our own actions. You did not hypnotize him and demand he wing a remote at your face. His violence will continue as long as you know him and your children will see you as a coward rather than a protector. Start saving money secretly. As much as you can, stash it where he would never find it. When you are comfortable enough with the amount, find a place to rent for you and your kids and move. Fight over belongings, house, etc. once you are out. This probably will take several months so stick to the plan for your kids sake. Otherwise they will grow up to hit and be angry. They'll hate you and throw it in your face forever that you stayed with an abuser. Plus, how can you explain to them about getting out of bad relationship one day if you don't show them it can be done. No matter how much better things ever get with him, save that money. One day it will be enough and you will have had enough. When those two days collide you'll be ready and not need to rely on anyone else but yourself. Good luck and stay strong. Get out of this for your and your children. He's violent and the fact that he inflicts pain on you means you are nothing in his eyes.

Answer 4

my questions are
1- was it my fault cause i wound him up

HELL NO!! He is grown man who should be able to talk about things without throwing a tantrum and harming someone else. You are in an abusive relationship and you need help. If not for you, for your children. They are watching this and may end up becoming his targets someday. Even if they don't they will think this is normal, or it is their fault. If you have boys, they may end up abusing their mates. If you have girls, they may end up victims. This is not a way to live, it isn't safe. Hundreds of women die or are seriously injured by abusive spouses each year.

2-what should i do (i cannot stay with relatives and do not want to go to a shelter

I'm sorry you don't want to go to a shelter, but you need to get the hell out of there and NOW. You need to it while you are brave enough to escape. If you attend a church, talk to your pastor, priest or your rabbi. They may have people who can help you. There are also many 'underground railroads' for abused spouses that operate through churches and shelters.

Also, start documented each and every incident, for when you are in a custody battle. Pictures, a diary, tell someone, go to the cops. Anything. You are in serious danger and need to protect yourself.

You have a Creator given animal right to protect yourself and your off-spring.

This male is not a man, not a husband and not a father.

Answer 5

No, it was not your fault that he could not control his anger. You say you can't leave from what I read but I worry about you and the children. The next time you both start to argue try taking a time out from each other until you are both calm enough to discuss the situation. Make these arrangements ahead of time, try getting some counseling it does help and there is no shame in it everyone needs help in relationships. If there was drinking involved try not to drink on either of your parts. Same goes for any addictive substance. There were probably other things behind the anger on both sides and you need to get to that problem. It was not your fault. You do not have to tolerate any violence, remember that above all else.

Answer 6

In essence, he's right. How else would you explain it? Bush's approval rating has been hovering around historic lows (comparable to Nixon's Watergate numbers). Other presidents, such as Carter and Bush 41, probably had better approval ratings, but were one termers. Bush has a mess in Iraq, turned surpluses into deficits, etc.. Carter lost to Reagan, who offered a much different direction and personal charisma than Carter. Clinton did the same thing to Bush 41. If Bush won, then logic dictates one of two things: (a) People wanted to vote for Bush, or (b) People did not want to vote for Gore/Kerry. In Gore's case, I don't think it was all of his fault. I think people were "Clintoned" out by then, and he was just looked upon as more of the same. In Kerry's case, I'm not sure how he couldn't win an election, but he obviously couldn't convince enough people that he was the better choice. I think the only thing you can say to your neighbor is, "Hope you like the war and those record deficits, because you can have 'em for two more years. If this keeps up, I'd hate to be a Republican in 2008."

Answer 7

No it is NEVER your fault for a man acting that way. If any man puts his hand on a woman, then he isn't a real man, and in that case you need to leave. You are never too good not to need help. There has to be someone that will help you. If not, go to a hotel and explain to them your situation and see if they'll let you and your kids stay the night until you can figure out what to do. Just get out because you don't want your kids to be in this kind of environment. There is a possibility if you stay that your children may end up like him when they get older. Protect yourself, and just pray for some guidance...you'll be okay.

Answer 8

You need to go to a battered women's shelter or somewhere, where you can get some help and a safe place for you and your children. You may not care what he does to you; but being a mother, you should want to keep him and his rage away from them. When he punched you and broke your nose, that was the time for you to call the police and have him put in jail. But since you stayed, the only thing you showed him is, he can do anything he wants to you; and you, not only will let him, but you will stay and subject your children to it as well. You should think; what type of message are you sending your children when it comes to relationships.

Answer 9

Oh girl, you do not deserve to be hit, no one does. It is not like you did a horrible thing, you asked him a question. What is the big deal in asking your partner a question, unless he is guilty of the answer. Sounds like he got upset not that you wound him up, I think more like, he could not take the truth... Be careful sounds like you have a manipulative, abusive situation there.. An angry, abusive man is not a pretty man to live with. Get out and go to your family, for your sake and your children. No child should see their mother being abused.. who will be next - the children..
God Bless you and your kids, and keep you safe.

Answer 10

He has anger issues.... no woman deserves to be hit and punched. Perhaps he was feeling guilty and didn't want to accept the responsibility for his own actions.... so he blamed you instead by throwing the remote. Now, your guy may be 6' tall and 210 pounds with lots of muscles...but, the fact of the matter is you are living with a very, very small man. And I do mean very small. I wouldn't even call him a man. Honey, give leaving another thought. God bless and keep you in his care.

Answer 11

No it is never your fault when someone loses control and he has a big problem a temper he cannot control and beleive me it only gets worse as we have to teach people how to treat us and if you let him get by with this well girlfriend your life will be hell and he may end up killing YOU> Get a Life without him,,,, Do you have family or a close friend if not get help through the shelter as to how and where and to go about starting a new Life ALONE>