I'm my fathers illegitimate daughter (he has 6 boys with his wife), when I was 3 my Dad left G. He never paid childsupport and we had no contact. When I was 18 I startet to look for him and found him when I was 24. The next years, we saw each other once in a while (when I had enought money to buy a ticket to F.), but I wanted more. So I made up my mind, to move to B., where he lives. My father was shocked and tried to discourage me.Telling me it would be safer for me and my kids in Europe and that we would be on our own. Since 6 month we are here now, I have a job, friends & my kids are doing fine in school. Also it's tough, I don't regret it. My only problem is my father, he hasn't done anything to help us, but keeps telling me, that he expects me:
1. to behave like a lady
2. to date only first class guys (lawyers or doctors)
3. to save 10.000 $ in the next 2 years to buy a home (I earn 1400 $ a month!!!)
What's wrong with him? How can I tell him what I feel AND expect from him?
2006-12-29 08:13:51 · 16 answers · asked by bahamian.beauty 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
dont do anything if he dosent love you for who you are then it shouldnt matter
2006-12-29 08:16:41 · answer #1 · answered by CrippledFingerz 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
NO offense, but I feel sorry for your mom.
ALL the years that SHE has been there for you and you repay her by moving her grandkids to another country to connect with a guy you had to hunt down to have a relationship with. SOUNDS like your mother was a hell of alot smarter than you, she left him along time ago and did not look back. YOu should call her tonight and maybe you can learn a thing or two from her regarding parenting and LOYALTY!
GUESS THE APPLE DOESNT FALL FAR FROM THE TREE as you will soon see. SOunds like your kids dont have a dad either.
I hope that they do exactly to you what you have done to your mother.
As for the doctor/lawyer dream
I see you and your dad are still in fantasy land.
Why would either of them want a woman with kids ?
2006-12-29 08:23:06 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
tell your Dad the type you experience. Is your Mum alive? Why no longer bypass to stay along with her? you do no longer say how previous you're. once you are the right age, threaten which you will bypass away homestead - and make it sound as in case you particularly propose it. If no longer something adjustments - bypass away. yet in the past ANY of those issues. Are you being relatively common? Are you giving him grief considering the fact which you have had it too plenty your very own way for a protracted time? good success!
2016-11-24 23:30:44 · answer #3 · answered by blunkall 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
You have the right to voice how you feel and I encourage you to do so... or it will eat at you forever... talk to him and move on... this man didn't raise you so the attachment you have when you raise a child just isn't there for him... maybe in time his feelings will change but you can't make or expect someone to be the father you need... I wish you the best and do understand what a father means to a child... As far as his instruction... let him know when he putting more effort into your family he will then have the right to have input on your life decisions... hope this helps...
Good luck!!!!!!!
2006-12-29 08:30:13 · answer #4 · answered by Sandy 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
All you can do is be an adult and talk to him like one, not like a girl who is afraid of scaring him off.
If you tell him from the heart and show him that you love him and only want that from him for you and your kids, not expectations. Tell him that you want to be loved no matter if you do everything he wishes of you or not.
If truly loves you and wants to be in your life he will step up to the plate and see the wrong in his expectations and how he has treated you.
If not, at least there is no doubt in weather or not he knows how you feel, and then you can move on knowing you did all you could to salvage a relationship with him
It may hurt for a while but in time you will learn to live with it o-k.Especially knowing you stood up to him with what you believe a father should be.Just like you there is nothing you can do for sure that will make him do or be what you wish of him,anymore than he can do any of that to you.
2006-12-29 08:23:02 · answer #5 · answered by vmaxer85 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I am really sorry your dad is not everything you want and need him to be. Some men are just not cut out to be the dads we need. If he's not as committed to your father/daughter relationship, you may be better off to just let go. He never contacted you, or paid child support when you were growing up- and that action speaks louder then words. Perhaps he's afraid you'll distrupt the balence of his home life with the family he's created. But if he can't love you for the beautiful girl you've grown to be, he's not worth the pain he's causing you. Good luck to you.
2006-12-29 08:20:23 · answer #6 · answered by Tara 2 · 3⤊ 0⤋
You need to wake-up and smell the roses and face reality. Your dad could care less about you and he doesn't care if you stay where you are or leave town. If he had any real feelings for you in the first place, HE would have tried to find you...and he wouldn't have waited 21 years to do it! Sorry about this, but you need to face the facts...and if you have any expectations for him to suddenly start acting like a real father or helping you in any way, then you are going to be a very disappointed person
2006-12-29 08:25:26 · answer #7 · answered by mottthedog 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
So, you have moved closer to your father because you want a relationship that he has expressly told you he does not want, and are angry that he doesn't help you more? I think that by giving you the advice he has, he probably feels like he has helped you, and you need to try to give up the dream of a doting daddy. You have children with no daddy; turn that time and energy you're wasting on this man towards them and their future. If you like where you're living, stay there, but don't stay for him.
2006-12-29 08:21:57 · answer #8 · answered by Robin 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It kinda sounds like he does love you. He wants good things for you even if he can't help you get them. You should just openly tell him what is bothering you and that you want to have a better relationship with him and find a way together to overcome any obstacles. We don't know you or your father so it would be difficult to give you tailored advice for your situation and personalities involved. What works for me might not work for you and your father. If what you try doesn't work, then try to move on without him. Make a life for you and your kids.
2006-12-29 08:20:16 · answer #9 · answered by poppywest1223 3 · 0⤊ 1⤋
He seems not to want you in his life. For this, the loss will be his. You didn't do anything wrong, so you really shouldn't blame yourself.
He has NO RIGHT, whatsoever, to expect any of that stuff from you.
If he persists with that bad attitude, I strongly recommend you just ignore him. And hopefully, he'll just quietly go away.
2006-12-29 08:29:23 · answer #10 · answered by Mike M. 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
first, you moved to be by your father in another country. He didn't ask you to move there.
second, you are over 21 years old, he has no obligation to help you or your kids. Your life and your kids are your responsiblity.
What is the father of YOUR kids doing to help you! You moved your kids away from their own father...so now you are depriving them of their dad.
There is nothing wrong with his advice, it's just advice.
what example are you setting for your kids? you just need to grow up.
2006-12-29 12:40:45 · answer #11 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋