Am I wrong in taking house keeping from my daughter ??

Question

My daughters 18 and works bringing home roughly £600 per month & i told her its £40 per month to pay towards housekeep, I told her once she started working then she has to pay her way & now I feel guilty taking Money off her, she goes out drinking ev sat into Leeds and is always well dressed, & she smokes. thing is though, i dont need the money off her, but my way of taking it is to push her into reality and realise that its no easy ride out there once you get your own house and you have the full responsibility of running her own place, Maybe im just a soft dad :(

Answer 1

When I lived at home my parents charged me a quarter of my wages each month for house keeping - even when I was at school and only had a weekend job. At the time I didn't really appreciate it, but my Dad felt it taught me the value of money. I'm still not really sure either way, but I guess it has made me realise that you do have to pay your own way in life and teaches you to start managing your money. If your daughter has enough to pay for cigarettes then she definitely needs to be paying you housekeeping. She is getting off lightly and even if you don't need the money, you could always secretly save it in an account for her and give it as a wedding gift / 21st Birthday present later in life.....

Don't feel bad, I don't resent my parents for charging me, it is life and we all have to learn that we have to pay our way.

Answer 2

Not unreasonable at all. As she is working she should be contributing to the housekeeping. £40 per month from a £600 salary is a pittance anyway and nothing like the real cost of her upkeep. If she had to rent a room she'd be looking at more like £300 per month, bills included (maybe). Don't feel guilty, in the long run by not making her contributed something, however little, you will be setting her up for a fall. She'll have got used to having all her money for her own pleasure and not realised there are other bills to pay and consequently that will be a huge shock when she has to live in the real world.
Now, I'd like to make a suggestion, which may help. Work out exactly how much it costs you to keep her......food, fuel, council tax, telephone etc......and then tell her what that is. I did that with my younger son and his girlfriend when they still lived here and his jaw dropped because although he thought I was charged them a lot in bed and board (and it was more realistic than £40 a month but less than the true cost) it made him realise a few harsh facts, not least that as a single person I could not afford to keep three adults on one salary.
You say you don't need the money, that's not really the point........you could always save what she pays toward her marriage, or her 21st birthday.just a thought.

Answer 3

when my daughter started working she complained when she had to 'pay her way', so we changed things for a month - she bought all her own food, toiletries (including loo paper, soap and toothpaste etc), paid for all her telephone calls and gave us 50p a day for gas and the same for electricity (we reckoned it would cost this if she had to use a meter in a bedsit). Guess what at the beginning of the third week she begged us to go back to the original arrangement - she had forgotten that things like milk, sugar, coffee etc had to be paid for!!!

Now that she is married with her own commitments she says she wishes we had charged her more because when she got married she found it difficult to pay bills and budget sensibly (although I would hasten to add she was not in any debt whatsover, just permantently skint!!) and the gas, electricity, water and poll tax left her gasping, whereas her husband who had to stand on his own two feet from being 17 managed their money far easier.

You have t be cruel to be kind, if you really love your daughter you will show her some household bills and up her contribution - if she was short of money she wouldnt be able to afford prices in Leeds clubs/pubs and certainly not cigarettes.

If you still feel guilty you could ask he - just in passing - how much someone might expect to spend on an average evening out, then do a quick calculation of how many new clothes she buys and you can estimate the cost, don't forget the cost of cigarettes ie approx £5 per 20, - once you have done that I think you will realise she is not exactly a pauper!!!

You could do as others have suggested amd put the money away to help towards a deposit for a house, or how about a super-duper 21st birthday present? There again it could go towards your old age - that way she won't be left worrying how much allowance to give you!

Good luck

Answer 4

Your doing the best thing for her. My son is 19 he started part-time work at 17 and had to pay me £40 a month earning about the same.He's now had a full time job for a year and pays me £40 a week. You have to be cruel to be kind your not being a soft dad your helping her into the real world where they have to be able to fend for themselves keep it up. If you don't need the money why not save it for her without telling her and give it to her in the future when she does eventually move out towards a deposit for a flat, house or a car maybe .

Answer 5

Absolutely not wrong. She's obviously not short of money if she can afford to smoke (at £5 a packet - I know, I smoke!).

What a lot of my friends have done in your situation is take the money but put it into a savings account. You can either give her access to it at some point, or use it yourself to help her out in the future (like towards a deposit for a house).

If you choose the second option, you won't feel guilty then as it still sort of "her" money.

Hope that helps. You are obviously a good dad trying to do your best!

Answer 6

You are right to take her keep of her and £40 is not enough she should be helping with all the bills of the house after all she lives there and uses everything doesnt she. What we do is divide the Elec, Gas, House Ins etc between how many adults are in the house and working and everybody contributes. Once the phone bill comes in (itemised) each person pays for their own calls and the vat is split between those people. So tell her she is very lucky thats all she is paying. Good luck

Answer 7

i don't think you are wrong in asking for a contribution towards costs of living at all! i think it's only fair to ask. you may feel guilty but hey your her parent! morally speaking though i think your in the right. she will probably thank you one day when she has to pay £600 for a mortgage alone and then £40 just for gas!
try and cure your guilt by telling yourself you are teaching her nothing is for free! my girls are only 4 and 3 years old but I'll defiantly be asking for some money when they start working! Hey you could reduce it to £20 a month in return for 1 car wash per week and a couple of shopping runs for the rest of the family I'm sure she'll buckle and happily pay the extra £20 ha ha.

Answer 8

Forty pound a month would probably cover her phone bill if she lived alone. You are being very generous in your response to her expanding her horizons.
I would be tempted to ask for a Little more, but put the additional income into a savings account. Then when she decides to fly the nest you will at least give her a comfort zone. But only on the understanding that when she runs out, she fixes you up with the best looking woman she knows!! (lol)

Answer 9

Aw, soft or not, you sound lovely!

Yes of course you are quite right to take some housekeeping from her. When I first started work in 1988 (!) I gave my Mum & Dad about £100 a month, or so....so you aren't exactly asking your daughter for a lot of money, in the scheme of things!

Now she's a wage-earning adult, she really must contribute to the cost of running a home...after all, she uses water, gas, electricity, the phone, etc etc. Not only does it help you with the bills but, more importantly in a way, it helps her to realise the value of money, because it helps her to realise that it costs every times she has a shower or cooks a pizza or whatever.

You sound like a lovely, loving Dad.....don't change!


xxxx

Answer 10

honey...you have raised this girl all of her life...now it's time for her to contribute...£40 is not really enough, she is using the facilities in your home, if she had her own place she would be spending alot more than £40 a month, believe me, yes it is OK to ask her to hand over some cash, it will come in handy for you or a rainy day, don't feel guilty, she needs to learn how to be responsible for herself for when she gets a flat....so yes, take housekeeping, it's not gonna hurt her bank balance...but it will help yours....if you feel bad about taking it, then put it away till she moves, it my come in handy for a deposit for her own place....at least she will know that she has to pay something, but it's up to you, i charged my kids when they were living here, they earned good money and i was happy to take it from them because it helped me out

£40 is not much tho...try £60 a month