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Please I'm down and need a laugh............person who makes me laugh the hardest gets 10 points from me! c'mon keep 'em comin'!

2006-12-29 08:08:29 · 25 answers · asked by Taylah. 3 in Entertainment & Music Jokes & Riddles

25 answers

Okay a blonde is walking around on a small street near the highway. she sees a guy saying 99 over and over again. she walks up to him and says what are you doing?

he says nothing but do you want to help me?
she says yes he says go stand in the middle of that intersection and keep saying 99 over and over.

She says okay.

She goes and does it. Then gets hit by a car. The man who had asked her to help him was now saying 100, 100, 100 over and over again.

2006-12-29 08:22:43 · answer #1 · answered by tgrafbabyy. (: 1 · 7 3

A new missionary recruit went to Venezuela for the first time. He was struggling with the language and didn`t understand a whole lot of what was going on. Intending to visit one of the local churches, he got lost, but eventually got back on track and found the place. Having arrived late, the church was already packed. The only pew left was the one on the front row.
So as not to make a fool of himself, he decided to pick someone out of the crowd to imitate. He chose to follow the man sitting next to him on the front pew. As they sang, the man clapped his hands, so the missionary recruit clapped too. When the man stood up to pray, the missionary recruit stood up too. When the man sat down, he sat down.
When the man held the cup and bread for the Lord`s Supper, he held the cup and bread. During the preaching, the recruit didn`t understand a thing. He just sat there and tried to look just like that man in the front pew.
Then he perceived that the preacher was giving announcements. People clapped, so he looked to see if the man was clapping. He was, and so the recruit clapped too.
Then the preacher said some words that he didn`t understand and he saw the man next to him stand up. So he stood up too.
Suddenly a hush fell over the entire congregation. A few people gasped. He looked around and saw that nobody else was standing. So he sat down. After the service ended, the preacher stood at the door shaking the hands of those who were leaving.
When the missionary recruit stretched out his hand to greet the preacher, the preacher said, in English: "I take it you don`t speak Spanish."
The missionary recruit replied: "No, I don`t. Is it that obvious?"
"Well, yes," said the preacher, "I announced that the Acosta family had a new-born baby boy and would the proud father please stand up."

2006-12-29 09:48:58 · answer #2 · answered by tz 4 · 1 0

fun things to do at a drive thru


1. Drive through the drive-thru in reverse and let your passenger order.
2. Ask the price of almost everything on the menu and then order something that you didn't ask the price for.
3. Tell the employee that your window is broken. Order and then pay with your door open. When the food comes, roll down the window and snatch your order from their hands.
4. Go to McDonald's and demand a big breakfast at 11:30 at night. Put up a fight.
5. Pay for a large order in pennies and nickels.
6. Order in another language. Be careful what neighborhood you're in.
7. When asked if they can take your order, tell them you are just window-shopping and drive on.
8. Laugh when asked if you would like ketchup.
9. Ask the cashier how they fit into that little box.
10. If they make you wait, make them wait when they come back on.
11. Demand to speak to the manager. When they come on, complain that you did not like the way the employee said, "May I take your order?"
12. When asked if they can take your order say, "Why, can I take yours?"
13. If they ask you to wait, order anyway and keep doing it till they yell at you.
14. Pretend your car has broken down. Ask for assistance moving it. When they come out, drive away.
15. Tell them you have to use the bathroom.
16. Order a cup of water and two napkins. That's it.
17. Don't order when they come on. Just sit there. If a line forms behind you, get out of the car and cause a scene.
18. When they hand you your food, hand them a bag with all the trash from your car in it.
19. Just stare at them when you pay and get your food. Don't break your stare.
20. Honk your horn the whole way through the line.

2006-12-29 08:31:08 · answer #3 · answered by wii awesome 2 · 5 0

awwwww well that should crack you up...

The doctor told a man that masturbating before sex often helped men last longer during the act. The man decided, "What the heck, I'll try it." He spent the rest of the day thinking about where to do it. He couldn't do it in his office. He thought about the restroom, but that was too open. He considered an alley, but figured that was too unsafe. Finally, he realized his solution.
On the way home from work, he pulled his truck over on the side of the highway. He got out and crawled underneath as if examining the truck. Satisfied with the privacy, he undid his pants and started to masturbate. He closed his eyes and thought of his lover.
As he grew closer to orgasm, he felt a quick tug at his pant leg. Not wanting to lose his mental fantasy or the orgasm, he kept his eyes shut and replied, "What?" He heard, "This is the police. What in the hell are you doing?" The man replied, "I'm checking out the rear axle, it's busted." The cop says, "Well, you better check your brakes too, because your truck rolled down the hill 5 minutes ago."

2006-12-29 08:26:52 · answer #4 · answered by Scuro Angelo 1 · 8 0

1.A guy walks into a bar and orders a drink. After a few more he needs to go to the can.He doesn't want anyone to steal his drink so he puts a sign on it saying, "I spat in this beer, do not drink!".
After a few minutes he returns and there is another sign next to his beer saying, "So did I!"
2.A physicist, biologist and a chemist were going to the ocean for the first time.The physicist saw the ocean and was fascinated by the waves. He said he wanted to do some research on the fluid dynamics of the waves and walked into the ocean. Obviously he was drowned and never returned.
The biologist said he wanted to do research on the flora and fauna inside the ocean and walked inside the ocean. He too, never returned.The chemist waited for a long time and after wards, wrote the observation, "The physicist and the biologist are soluble in ocean water".
3.Billy comes home from his first day at school. Mother asks, "What did you learn today?"The kid replies, "Not enough. I have to go again tomorrow.

2006-12-29 08:44:57 · answer #5 · answered by Adeline 3 · 6 0

One day a blonde, brunette, and a red head are driving down the road trying to escape the cops. Alll of a sudden they stop the car. They jump out and run to the trunk. They grab out a cat cage, a dog cage, and a potato sack. The brunette is in the dog cage the red head is in the cat cage and the blonde is in the potato sack. Both the cages are covered though and of course you can't see through the potato sack. KK so then the police find the car and see the cages and potato sack laying next to the car. When they tap on the dog cage the brunette says" rufff, ruff" Then the police do not suspect a thing. Then the police move to the cat cage and tap on it. The red head goes "meow, meow" Again the police suspect nothing. Then they move to the potato sack and tap on it. Then the blonde replies " POTTTTTTAAAAATTTTTOOOOO!" of course the blonde is caught and arrested while the red head and brunette escape.

2006-12-29 09:55:18 · answer #6 · answered by NOT aNOTher blonde! 3 · 1 1

How To Make A Turkey by N. Alcoholic

- Go buy a turkey
- Take a drink of whiskey (scotch) OR JD
- Put turkey in the oven
- Take another 2 drinks of whiskey
- Set the degree at 375 ovens
- Take 3 more whiskeys of drink
- Turn oven the on
- Take 4 whisks of drinky
- Turk the bastey
- Whiskey another bottle of get
- Stick a turkey in the thermometer
- Glass yourself a pour of whiskey
- Bake the whiskey for 4 hours
- Take the oven out of the turkey
- Floor the turkey up off of the pick
- Turk the carvey
- Get yourself another scottle of botch
- Tet the sable and pour yourself a glass of turkey
- Bless the saying, pass and eat out

2006-12-29 09:03:59 · answer #7 · answered by Ven 3 · 1 0

A woman wanted to reach her husband on his mobile phone but discovered that she was out of credit. She instructed her son to use his own phone to pass across an urgent message to his daddy who was on site. After Junior had called, he got back to mummy to inform her that there was a lady that picked up daddy's phone the three times he tried reaching dad on the mobile. Women!! She waited impatiently for her husband to return from work and upon seeing him in the driveway, she rushed out and gave him a tight slap, and she slapped him again, for good measure. People from the neighborhood rushed around to find out what the cause of the commotion was. The woman asked Junior to tell everybody what the lady said to him when he called. Junior said, "the subscriber you have dialed is not available."

2006-12-29 09:38:44 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1 0

A man and a woman meet at bar one day and are getting along really well. They decide to go back to the woman's house where they engage in passionate love making.

The woman suddenly cocks her ear and says, "quick my husband just got home, go hide in the bathroom!" So the man runs into the bathroom.

Her husband comes up into the bedroom and looks at her. "Why are you naked?" he asks.

Well, I heard you pull up outside, so I thought I would come up here and get ready to recieve you."

"Okay." the man replies "I'll go get ready."

He goes into the bathroom before his wife can stop him and sees a naked man standing there clapping his hands.

"Who the **** are you?" the man asks

"I am from the exterminator company, your wife called me in to get rid of the moths you are having problems with."

The husband exclaims, "But you are naked!"

The man then looks down and jumps back in surprise.

"Those little bastards!"

2006-12-29 12:40:25 · answer #9 · answered by Anonymous · 0 0

WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST?


The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and
she asked the question," When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body
goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." "Why do you
think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold
your hands together in front of you and God just takes you hands first."

"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said. Little Johnny raised his hand
and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs." The nun looked at him with the
strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be
your legs?" Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom
the other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying,
"Oh God, I'm coming!" If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

( The Sister fainted !! )

2006-12-29 13:15:09 · answer #10 · answered by Trese 5 · 0 0

No, yet while i became trapped interior the exterior lavatory cos the pup nicked my tub-towel, my lady specific did. To get it lower back value me: *Mow the lawns and do the hedge a week for 40 years, no courtroom situations allowed. *Paint the fence and *try this difficulty with the cowboy hat and leather-based chaps she likes. Ratz........ Neighbours or not.....If it wasn't this form of shrinkingly chilly day I woulda run for it. .

2016-10-19 04:32:55 · answer #11 · answered by valda 4 · 0 0

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