Please tell me some really really good jokes!?

Question

i dont want any smart elec comments please!

I love blonde jokes, but give me some that i can remember and tell my friends! pleez!
and blonde ones arent the only ones that i like............ CLEAN PLEASE!

Answer 1

A man enters a confessional and says to the Irish Priest, "Father, it has been one month since my last confession.
I've had s*x with Fannie Green every week for the last month."
The priest tells the sinner, "You are forgiven. Go out and say three Hail Mary's'."
Soon, another man enters the confessional. "Father, it has been two months since my last confession.
I have had s*x with Fannie Green twice a week for the last two months."
This time the priest asks, "Who is this Fannie Green?"
A new woman in the neighbourhood," the sinner replies.
"Very well," says the priest. "Go and say ten 'Hail Mary's'."
The next morning in church, the priest is preparing to deliver his sermon when a gorgeous, tall woman enters the church. All the men's eyes fall upon her as she slowly sashays up the aisle and sits down in front of the Altar.Her dress is green and very short, with matching shiny emerald green shoes.
The priest and altar boy gasp as the woman sits down with her legs slightly spread apart, Sharon Stone-style.
The priest turns to the altar boy and whisperingly asks, "Is that Fannie Green?"
The altar boy replies, "No Father, I think its just the reflection off her shoes".

Answer 2

A Cardinal of the Church dies and goes to Heaven. An angel is giving him the the grand tour and a soul goes by draped in gold trimmed pure white robe with cheribim throwing rose pedals in his path as he ascends the gold inlaid white marble steps to his massive white marble mansion. The Cardinal asks the angel who that is and the angel says, "Oh, he's a lawyer.". The Cardinal thinks, "Wow, if that is what a lawyer gets, I can imagine what I, a Cardinal of the Church, will get". They continue on the tour and enter a huge building with a 200 foot high arched enterance way and the hall equally as impressive stretches forever. After walking for miles down the hall they take a left into another hall with 100 ft. high ceilings and walk again, coming to another turn into a hall with 50 ft. ceilings. this goes on an on with each turn the hall becomes smaller and narrower until finally they are going down a hall so narrow they have to walk single file and duck into doorways to let others pass. They come to a rough hewn wooden door, the angel opens it and inside there is a small straw cot, a basin and pitcher and a small window that looks out over nothing special. The angel says, "This is where you will reside for eternity in Heaven.". The Cardinal is totally taken aback by this and blusters out, "I'm a Cardinal of the Church and THIS is all I get, why did the lawyer get so much?" The angel says, " Cardinals are a dime a dozen, he's the only lawyer we've got here.".

Answer 3

Nebraska Crazy Law
It is illegal for a mother to give her daughter a perm without a state license.


It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.

Looking for more dumb laws? Check out DumbLaws.com!
It is Illegal to go whale fishing.


If a child burps during church, his parent may be arrested.


Lehigh
Doughnut holes may not be sold


Omaha
A man is not allowed to run around with a shaved chest.


Sneezing or burping is illegal during a church service.


Waterloo
Barbers are forbidden from eating onions between 7 A.M. and 7 P.M

Answer 4

My favorite blonde joke is;

What do you call a dead blonde in a closet?

The winner to last year's hide and seek game.

also, my all time favorite clean joke is; What do you call a cow with no legs?

Ground beef.

Answer 5

I only wanna tell one right now. . .

There's a blonde, and she has a boyfriend. The blonde knows he's been cheating on her with her best friend. So one day she walks in on her friend and her boyfriend watching TV - with a gun to her head. So her boyfriend jumps up and screams, "NO DON'T!!!" The blonde turns to him with a crazed look in her eye and says, "Shut up. You're next."

Answer 6

WHAT PART OF YOUR BODY GOES TO HEAVEN FIRST?


The nun teaching Sunday School was speaking to her class one morning and
she asked the question," When you die and go to Heaven...which part of your body
goes first?"

Suzy raised her hand and said, "I think it's your hands." "Why do you
think it's your hands, Suzy?" Suzy replied, "Because when you pray, you hold
your hands together in front of you and God just takes you hands first."

"What a wonderful answer!" the nun said. Little Johnny raised his hand
and said, "Sister, I think it's your legs." The nun looked at him with the
strangest look on her face. "Now, Little Johnny, why do you think it would be
your legs?" Little Johnny said, "Well, I walked into Mommy and Daddy's bedroom
the other night. Mommy had her legs straight up in the air and she was saying,
"Oh God, I'm coming!" If Dad hadn't pinned her down, we'd have lost her."

( The Sister fainted !! )

Answer 7

Try the link I provided. They are funny Psychiatrist jokes.


Always try to enjoy life!

Answer 8

so a pirate walks into a bar
he has a stearing wheel on his crotch right?
so the bartender says to him "why do you have a stearing wheel on your crotch"

the pirate looks down at himself, looks back up at the bartender and says
"yar...i dont know but it'd be driving mer nuts!"



yo mama so stupid she bought a solar powered flashlights

yo mama so stupid, she asked me what kindof jeans i was wearing and i said Guess and she said Levi.


what do you call a black guy who flies a plane?

- a pilot, you racist.


a child molestor and a little boy walk into a forrest late at night.
the kid looks up at the child molestor and tells him "gee mr. ya know..im really scard"
the child molestor looks at him and says "YOU'RE scared? IM the one that has to walk home alone"

Answer 9

person 1: knock knock
person 2: who's there?
person 1: nobody
person 2: nobody who?
person 1: (silence)

Answer 10

i asked my fren to tell me really really good joke/s, she replied why dont u type the work jokes in google?