how do i get over past mistakes and be happy with myself again?

Question

its been a very tough year, where on more then one occasion i just wanted to not exist anymore. These feelings went right into my heart and it really hurt and still does. ive made a few mistakes this year, which i only realised when i almost lost something/someone i loved very much. i though i didnt love that person anymore but then these feelings came rushing back to me. my feelings were just hidden because of the bad times we had faced. but i really cant stand myself, the way i look or my body. and i feel like im a terrible stupid person who didnt try hard enough. i really do hate myself, and today i thought that if i wasnt here anymore then i would not have to know what comes next or feel this way anymore. i have never been kind to myself, im a very gentle person who struggles sometimes so now i have made alot of mistakes this year, it is really hurting. how do imake these feelings go away and move on? i really need some help at the moment so please no unkind messages.xx

Answer 1

You may be gentle but you are not being gentle with yourself! Be kinder to you, accept that you made mistakes, learn from them and move on. Forgive yourself.
Be confident, if you dont like your body, why? Is it something you could change, is is something that you can work towards (losing weight, new hairstyle etc). You can take action to change things you do not have to sit back and let things happen, be proactive.
I have made some really bad mistakes in my life, I havnt forgotten them but I have moved on, older and wiser now.
It sounds corney but if you can make moves to be kinder to yourself it will help, good luck;

Answer 2

i myself am twenty years old. I have had a really tough couple of years and still am. I have been on a number of different anti-depressants, and sleeping pills etc, but still now i am no better. There are somethings in your life that you hate so much, and because of these you feel down, chances are you will cry yourself to sleep at night and wake up in the morning crying and hating life. Trust me i have been there and done it, the only difference is that i do not actually sleep anymore. I am not a doctor, a psychiatrist or a psychologist, all i am is a young adult who is having a hard time myself. Sweetie you may think that you will never get over past mistakes but trust me you will, no matter what has happened to you, it has happened for a reason, no one can tell you what this reason is, only you yourself can answer this question. Just try not to contemplate over it too much. Take each day as it comes, and when a hurdle comes up, look at it and tell yourself that you can get over this as you are a strong person, and you are not going to let this get you down more then it already has. I hope that this has made sense to you, and if you do ever need someone to chat to you can e-mail me on [e-mail] as i know myself that at times you need someone to talk to who understands what a hard time you are going through, i will never judge you, but through my own personal expirience i hope that i have helped you, and may be able to help you in the future. Just remember to keep on smiling and take each and everyday as it comes, you are a strong person who is going to keep on fighting, to gain all the happiness you deserve.
hope this has helped you.

Answer 3

HI. I think we all get to that point where we beat up on ourselves so much that we dont want to exist anymore. That life, the things in it and we hurt so much. I have been there more than not believe me.We all make mistakes because we are human, and when someone tells me that, I say " Yeah but... You don't understand". What is true, is that none can understand exactly how you are feeling or what you have been through or what you have done. Whatever mistakes you have made in the past you cant change them, but what you can do is move forward and try to make better choices today.We find that when we step back that we are alot harder on ourselves than sometimes need be. Please give yourself a break and do something nice for yourself today. You deserve it. Take care and Happy New Year. Scooter

Answer 4

If you really feel that you can't help yourself get over it alone then seek some outside help like a therapist...but if it were me just look at this up coming year as a great year and tell yourself you're going to try and make it the best year you've ever had..think about and realize that you almost lost someone...but you didn't..and be greatful you didn't...think about you not wanting to exist and realize that even though you didnt want to exist you are still here today..so there must be some special reason or purpose that you're still here...and maybe that special reason or purpose will appear in the following year...just don't regret anything because at one time or another that's what you wanted and that's what made you happy...we all make mistakes and we learn from them...what you've gone through and the mistakes you've made this past year are done with and they've infact made you stronger in the end...you live and you learn..that's just how it is...you've realized your mistakes and you probably won't make them again..so realize that...don't have regrets..look at it as a lesson in life...and you should feel better about yourself...only you can change yourself...if you don't like the way you look...go about a healthy way of changing that...just think about what i said...i think that whatever you've gone through and the mistakes you've made may be life changing but you'll get through it on you're own...happy new year..

Answer 5

the most powerful & freeing step you can take is to recognise that what you describe as "feelings" are mostly not feelings but
beliefs about yourself. Real feelings sadness, pain, joy, etc
are true - the best thing you can do with them is accept them as they are happening, as the only alternative is to pretend that they are not really happening to you. Beliefs however are different.
They are often subconscious but have a very strong influence on how we see our lives and how we judge ourselves and compare ourselves with others. BUT they are very often untrue! In your question you speak of "can't stand myself, the way I look , or my body and i feel like I'm a terrible stupid person". These are ALL
beliefs not feelings and they can and should be challenged. Pick
one out (any one) let's say the belief "I am stupid". Is that really true of you? Even if ther have been occasions when you have acted in ways that you might call stupid, are you a fundamentally stupid person or simply someont that behaves "stupidly"
sometimes? If the latter, join the club , join the human race, we are all at it. Simply telling the truth about yourself in this way is
likely to be very freeing for you.
I speak as someone who presents regular Self Esteem Workshops which are focussed on exactly what you have described.
If you want to know more, there is an ad for our courses in the current edition of "Kindred Spirit" magazine or you can contact me by email via this site

Answer 6

I suffer from beating myself up too. You will have to learn to be as nice to yourself as you are to even the most awful person in the world. A hard thing to learn--trust--I am still not there. In the mean while do some activites so that you can take your mind off of your flaws. I reccommend you try out for a play, start walking in parks and try out Yoga. Why? So when you do well in the play you will have several good membories to overtake the bad ones you have made this year. So when you need to remeber how small you are in the world the park will remind you of the real beauty that is in you and surrounds you. So you can come to terms with yourself. Good luck falling in love with yourself again. Be blessed.

Answer 7

I am 26 and feel exactly the same way as you, with the difference that me - I cant stop making mistakes. It is not much that as making bad decisions which will affect my life, and it's also very hard for me (the hardest, I'd say) to let go. Some things I still carry with me, havent been able to let go for years.
Admitting and try to act is the first step to solving the problem. My new year resolution (or resolution anyway) is radically change my life, because I am so unhappy.
So dont despair and good luck, wanting to change it is the first step :)

Answer 8

Unfortunately there are no quick fixes or remedies to solve your problems. But what you do need to do is build up some self confidence in yourself, accept that you did make a mistake (we all do, we are only human) promise yourself not to beat yourself up and get on with the rest of your life. What makes great people great is not what they did, but how they handles the situation afterwards. We are all bombarded with images of the perfect body all the time, none of us fit into that bracket, not one single person. That what makes us all incredible, we are all extremely unique. Be free to give your love, it is worth the gamble. Your heart will be broken many times, but once you fell you are loved, you will realise how wonderful it is!

Answer 9

Youve made the first step by admitting to yourself that you have issues and that you would like to overcome them.

Ask yourself these questions: Who are You? and What do you want from Life? What makes you Happy?

You are only Human after all...and our body doesnt live for very long...so make the most of it.

You have NOTHING to worry or feel guilty about.

Happy New Year :)

Answer 10

i wish i knew? i find things from 8+ years ago still dragging at my heels.

you are a gentle person and these things hit gentle people harder than most of the crowds of unfeeling people.

new year is a difficult time to deal with, i always think of it as the 'if only' time of year, a time to look back and say Hmmmmm if only i had done this.....

please don't harm yourself or do anything that will upset other people.

the future is open to a myriad of possiblities, you could have the greatest thing you have ever wanted to happen occur on this coming monday....