How do I heal this relationship?

Question

We weren't together for very long. Everything was perfect in my eyes, and I told myself over and over I wouldn't let this one get away from me. I thought I might finally have those perfect feelings...We had practically done everyhting there is to do in this relationship except say the "L" word. A week in she says we can't be together for a number of reasons. 1) I was leaving for college again. 2) She just found out she has cancer. 3) My last relationship was bad, and someone had to tell her about it...So, heres how I broke it down. This girl is what takes for me to find a local college. I want to be there with her while she's sick. I absolutely can't leave her during that. My last relationship is just a part of who I am. She says she still really cares about me, but the relarionship wont work until some of these things are cleared. Should I work harder for the relationship? Or accept that its over.? Oh and she wants me to call her later. Is that even a good idea?

Answer 1

Ok...there are a number of things here that need to be addressed.

Everyone has a different idea of what love is, but it is very hard to be certain that you love someone within one week. It's easy to get love confused with that "Beginning of a relationship high" which lasts a few months. My personal definition of what love is, is "Wanting the health and happiness of someone despite the fact that that their health/happiness would cause your own unhappiness" This means that if you honestly believe that the person you love would be happier without you in their life, than you would accept this and suffer not being with them as long as they were happy. If this is what you feel (honestly feel not think you feel) towards this person, than that's your first clue that the love you have is real.

2 Cancer is serious, she could die. If she dies will you be able to handle it? Will you be able to deal with the hospital visits, the medication that can make the situation seem worse rather than better at times? Can you deal with never being able to go out and do normal couple things? How about seeing a person you care about in constant pain? Sometimes being the supportive person in this case is even harder than being the one that's sick. It's stressful and it takes a LOT out of you.

3 You say you'll find a local college so that you can be with her. How fast can you do that? How long will it take you to transfer? Will the value of your education decrease by going to another college or can you find a college that's up to par with the level of education that you want/need? This is a huge life decision that will effect your entire future. You need to take that into consideration. If you can't tranfer right away you also have to think of what could happen in the amount of time it takes you to transfer. How things could change.

4. You're absolutely right, your past relationship has nothing to do with the relationship you want now. The only thing you can do about this, is to talk to the girl and explain to her your point of view and why things are different now. She's going to need to learn how to trust you, and being upfront with her is a good way to build that trust. It's going to be hard work, but if you want her enough than you will overcome these obstacles.

I'm not trying to discourage you but this is the reality of your situation. I suggest that you think about this long and hard before you make your decision

Good Luck

Answer 2

Were you only together for a week?? You say, "a week in she says we can't be together...." It sounds like you must be young, since you're in college. Also, you think you've done everything in the relationship except the "L" word...that also points to the fact that you are probably young. You don't really know what this girl's intentions are, I would absolutely not consider changing colleges just to be closer to her! If the relationship is that great, that shouldn't be a consideration, even if she is sick. If she is asking for space & time for some of these issues to be resolved, you would do best by honoring that request. If you don't, you will probably scare her away. You already seem to be acting a little desparate, which is NOT a good thing. Take things day by day, I don't think there is really any reason that you should feel that you have to "work harder for the relationship". There are two people in a relationship, if you are the only one who wants it, that's kind of like banging your head against the wall. Also, if she feels like the relationship won't work, I don't think it's fair that she strings you along & asks you to call her later. Not even a good idea! Sounds like someone doesn't really want a relationship with you, but she certainly wants to keep you hanging!! Hope this helps, good luck, but the bottom line is it sounds like you are just starting out in your adult life & you need to make decisions that are right for you.

Answer 3

Follow your heart. Really, in truth, life is going to hurt you no matter what you do, so you might as well soak up the hurts and learn by them, in my book.

And if you don't follow your heart, you'll just end up paying for it in various ways - such as stress. If she doesn't want you around, that's different, but she does. You still have a foot in the door - and this isn't a very pleasant time for either of you to be walking away, it sounds like.

Talk. It's the only way to heal any relationship, no matter how it may evolve and alter. Lovers or friends - communication is all you'll ever have. Even sex is talking, the words are just in a different language.

Answer 4

Oh please! You don't recognize the brush off when you are hearing it? When you love someone, you WANT them there for you during your illness and they want to be there for you. The reasons she is giving you are nothing more than excuses so that she can ease out of the relationship without hurting your feelings too badly.

Give the girl a break - give yourself a break. Call it done.

Answer 5

OK,

It sounds to me, Like she is playing you like a Yo Yo !

Think about it ?????????

This girl is a master of emotions.

If you are happy she makes you sad and vice-versa.

What? You can't find a local college on your own ?

I doubt that she is as sick as she says she is (if at all).

The last bad relationship she is talking about is you!

And she wants you to call her later ( WHAT A SURPRISE)!

YES, you should call her later. ONLY IF YOU WANT TO SUPPORT THE ATTENTION HO who will do nothing for you except make YOUR LIFE A LIVING HELL until you finally get enough balls to DUMP HER !


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Answer 6

So tell her what you've written here. You cannot change the past. You don't say what went wrong in your last relationship so I cannot comment on what might be giving her cause for concern on that one.

Yes, call her if she means that much to you and tell her just as you've written it here.

Good luck.

Answer 7

you have to want things to work, be friends first

Answer 8

if u really think u love her...dont let her go...