I'm almost 18 and want to get married soon, what are your suggestions?

Question

I'll be graduating and going to college on a full scholarship soon. My boyfriend is 20 and has a good job that could support us as a family. We want to get married and live together where I'm going to colllege

Living together and not being married isn't an option because of our mutual beliefs.
My parents want us to wait atleast 3 more years but I know that there is NO WAY we can wait that long.

Mutual friends and mentors (including a marriage coach who is a family friend and knows us well) and HIS family support the idea. Our pastor believes we are too young, however.

Should we gat married the summer before I start collge, after my first semester, after my first year?? (I will be skipping my freshmen year of college and entering as a sophmore with credits I earned in high school).
We wanted to wait until marriage to have sex but continue to slip.

He is my best friend and I want this so we can share evrything a partners and he can support and encourage me in school and vice versa.

As opposed to getting married because I'm preganant or for a financial advantage, we genuinely want to start the rest of our lives together and share everything as respectful partners and I think that is the best reason to get married.

Even if our personalities or likes/dislikes change, I know that he willl still be the one. People change all throughout their lives and we want to grow and experience new things together

We don't ant to wait (though we could) because we really want to be able to be one. WE already love grocery shopping together and helping each other with bills and big decisions. Getting married would allow us to be fully joined forever.

We both know that no matter what happens( getting married today or in 10 years) we are each tohers one and only for life. ( I know evryone says that and I'm usually a skeptical and cautious person, but we've gone through things that have proven this to me).

he would never let himself come in the way of my carer aspirations, rather we help each other achieve those goals. (there is no way he'd let me drop out of college )

Answer 1

I'm 18 and im getting married next summer.So go for it and congrads

Answer 2

Since none of us really know you, we can't really give you an honest answer, so this is all based on our own life experiences.

I have seen too many friends who were head over heels in love get divorced, so realize that that it's always a possibility no matter how you feel now. Given that, you shouldn't give up on the idea of marriage... just realize there's more to it than just being in love. It may be the most rewarding as well, but being married is going to be the hardest job in your life.

Marriage may a personal and/or religious commitment, but in the modern world it is more a legal contract than anything. Talk to some people who've been through a divorce and find out some of the heartbreaking pain they've been through just in legal hassles, paperwork, and lawyer's fees not to mention all of the emotional anguish from a break up. Ending an engagement may have the latter, but no lawyers need to be involved... and trust me... you really don't want to have to deal with lawyers any more than you need to (no offense to any lawyers out there!)

Since you have already had sex and continue to do so, you can't exactly rely on the idea of your mutual beliefs keeping you from living together first. I'm sure neither of your parents would approve, but remember whose life it is... they'll learn that soon enough if they haven't already.

You can get just about all of the benefits of marriage by being engaged with very little downside. Weather a few storms and deal with a few crises while under stress and learn how each of you deal with pressure - you'll both be stronger for it and make for a better married couple. It makes far more sense to get engaged now and married after you're both finished with college.

Answer 3

Well obviously you are going to get married no matter what anyone says, so just do what you gotta do. Your parents probably don't support the idea to get married now is because they want to see you graduate college first. Once that is out of the way it would make it easier to focus on your new marriage. It's always a parents fear that their child would drop out and never get the opportunities that they would get if they would have stayed in school. If you want their blessing chances are they won't give it to you now, be prepared that they may cut all ties of financial support to you if you go through with this, that includes all school expenses in the future. As far as when to get married, if you were willing to wait after the first year then that would be best. College is hard to adjust to for some people and you want to start it with a good standing. If you get married before it may be all too overwhelming. Just take it easy in the next year, your life with flow in the direction it was meant for.

Answer 4

If you really think this is going to work, it's going to work if you get married tomorrow or in three years. Waiting isn't going to do anything but help you because you'll be finished with school, have more money to spend on a wedding, and have the chance to finish being a young person. Once you're married, you really do get thrown into being an adult.

I missed out on the chance for some of the best memories because I was forced into being an adult too early. I didn't get to go away to college and experience the whole "life on campus." I went to a primarily commuter college and lived in an apartment across town. Even though I'm equal now on paper to my friends who went away to school (we both have great jobs and a Bachelor's degree), I still regret the fact that they went to a school and lived out the last few years of being young.

Anyway, the point of all this is...three years isn't too long of a time to wait! Enjoy what you have for the moment and look forward to your future. You'll make your parents and your preacher happy at the same time!

Answer 5

My experience is that people do a lot of growing up and changing in their first year of college. It's your first taste of independence. If you go to school with a husband you'll wind up living in family housing which can be isolating. I would suggest you take your first year to live in the dorms and experience being immersed in the lives of the people around you. You'll make some great friends and experience independence with these people. If you really don't want to try the long distance thing maybe your boyfriend can get an apartment off campus. But don't let him monopolize your free time.

After a year of independence see how you both feel. There is no reason to rush and I think you'll miss out on some rewarding social experiences if you let yourself be isolated right away.

Answer 6

I went through the exact same thing you are going through as a freshman in college. We stayed together 5yrs throughout college and after......and we were only waiting to get out of college to get married. I am now 33 yrs old and unmarried......however I am engaged to the greatest lady in the world (and no it isn't the same person). My college girl was one of the first few people I dated and since I have dated over 100 people. Now I know what I trully want and am very comfortable with my decision. Back then, I was young and naiive. I didn't realize how much college and then the real world after changes people. I am nothing like who I was when I was 18 and my ex is nothing like she was when she was 18. If I saw her today for the first time, I would not even ask her out. I have to support your parents on waiting AT LEAST 3 yrs, but I would more say that a good decision would be to wait until you are both stable in your careers and know what you want out of life. Trust me that your significant other is going to have the greener grass thoughts if they get married so young......and you will too! Ok well it sounds like since you are trying to solve objections by adding remarks to combat what we are saying you already have made your decision...........you'll be in divorce court within the next 3 yrs.

Answer 7

I was your age when I married for the first time because my best friend at the time (my ex wife) was pregnant. Well this mariage lasted for exactly 2 years. Today we realize that we were far to young, but at the time would not listen to anyone as we knew best. So I suppose what I am saying is that I have to agree with both your parents and pastor and say that you should wait to marry. College life is far different from high school and you will grow up quite a bit while you are there. If you can wait until after you graduate to make this lifetime decision it would be wise. But if not then I would suggest that you wait at least until your at least half way through your post secondary education.

Answer 8

First off I suggest that you go straight into college and not wait like I undertood you will be. If you go in straight out of HS it will be a lot easier because your head is in study mode or so to say...if you wait and enter your sophomore year then you have all that time to changer ur mind about school.
I dont think you are too young. If you feel ready then do it. Understand that marriage is not a game, its something you both will have to work at. You both need to talk and if getting married is what you want then do it. Why are you holding off only cause the pastor thinks you're too young? What does he know? Only you two know what you feel for one another.
Make a decision or come to an agreement. But if I were you go to school, see how that works out for you atleast the first semester, if you feel like you can handle both school and your duties as a wife, then I dont see a problem...

Answer 9

It depends on you two. I was married at 19 and all was well I thought. So we planned on getting pregnant,and then he lost his job and it ended up my parents paid off his new Jeep so we could keep it. Then we ended up in a small trailer where a wealthy lady came along and he went with her leaving me home abusing me in many ways. I finally had to leave because my baby could have been hurt. I was devastated I lost 10 pounds in my eight month and my doctor came unglued. Which my baby was born sick at 5lbs9oz and a heart murmur, jaundice so bad see had to stay for a week after I went home. He left and before she was born and I've only seen him in court and he was asking for DNA. This is someone I had dated since I was the age of 13. I waited until a year after I graduated high school a year. I never knew him like I thought I did. My daughter is now going on 25 and he want help pay for her wedding, he's never paid child support, and he has money, he is the most horrible man I ever loved I GUESS LOVE IS BLIND. I never saw this, I knew him from a boy to a man. I only saw kindness and love until he started seeing another woman. What is LOVE ............????? Single now for over ten years. I don't know really how long but I watch and listen to any one that I maybe interested in and I end up going the other way > Look at my source and you'll know why!

Answer 10

Being married is hard work. Don't let anyone tell you any different. I realize you like to do all these things together and he's supportive, etc. But being a good partner to someone takes a lot of commitment, compromise, and WORK. Your parents asking you to wait isn't because they think you won't still be in love with this man, but because at this time in your life, you need to concentrate on school, not being a new wife. Your whole life, your life with this man is ahead of you. The more experiences you have the more you bring to a relationship. And you owe it to yourself to give your full attention into each thing. Give your full attention to being a student, then give your full attention to being a wife. You'll be glad you did.

So, for real, slow down and enjoy college. Stop putting so much pressure on yourself. One thing at a time. Good luck!

Answer 11

O.k I have seen you have your head in somewhat the right direction but let me say no where in your plans are the fact that you traveled or saw at least one of the Caribbean island all you want to do is get married to jump in bed. Oh man go ahead ruin what I believe is your life get married. Please all I want is the same thing your parents want is to wait at least for three years you say he has a good job but most men are on ego trips and when he realizes that you make way more money than he does he will see that everything is not Rosie. You will see all I would like for you is to have someone who is equal to you and would be able to hold adult and intelligent conversation. After all that schooling what a waste to not use it or just stay in a loveless marriage . You always want better for your children and that's what I see in your parents just try to get away with out your parents or boyfriend just you and a good friend or older sister and think things out and think some more before you decide.