A few months ago I started a relationship with a guy who I work with, at the time it started he said that it would just be a fling and I agreed. I fell in love with him but he didn't feel the same way he ended it saying that it was a bit of fun and the fun had ended. I was devasted. Since then I have been diagnosed with cancer and he has been very supportive, taking me to hospital etc. The sexual side of the relationship has started again, but no going out together, it is merely sexual. I still love him, and he has been very kind and supportive, but he does have other girl "friends" who he goes out with. He says he now classes me as a "mate", has bought me a christmas box, and is very attentive, more so than when we went out. What I can't understand is that if he didn't want me, why is he back. Seems to be jealous if there are other men in my life, Christmas part at work, when there was a guy interested, he took me out of the situation and back to his. I am so confused.
2006-12-29 03:57:59 · 18 answers · asked by Cazza 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
That's men for you. We want it all.
Its harsh.. especially given painful events in your life.. but try find a new love.... one who will treat you properly.
2006-12-29 03:59:49 · answer #1 · answered by Narky 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
OK, I hope I'm right otherwise I may just sound like a *****, and that's not what I want.
I think he was honest from the start, you lied to yourself (as I have in the past) thinking yeah I can do a casual just sex relationship with someone I really like. So when he realised you actually liked/loved him, he decided to end it. Fair enough, damage control and all that.
So when he found out you had cancer, he felt awful. Probably guilty in some way. Then he wanted you again, to prove his sincerity towards you, and that he wasn't messing you around in the first place. I mean to break a girls heart makes any decent guy feel guilty, but to break the heart of a girl with cancer, he must have felt terrible!
Sounds like he likes taking care of you, and the jealously comes from knowing that you are vulnerable, and not wanting anyone else to hurt you.
I'm sure he cares, and perhaps these events have changed the way he feels about you, but at the end of the day, I think he sees you as a friend that he also likes to sleep with. Men for some reason put this in a different category to girlfriend, whereas to me that is what a perfect boyfriend is. A really good mate that you are also sexually attracted to. Men ey!
If I were you I would really think about whether this arangment is enough for you, knowing that it will probably never become a serious relationship. If its not confront him and say, look the arrangment is ok at the moment apart from the jealousy. You have to allow me to move on.
2006-12-29 12:14:25 · answer #2 · answered by As You Like It 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
He knows he can get the sex from you because you love him, and he gives you gifts so you don't go off him and so he can still continue his sexual life.
He won't let you go off with other guys because he doesn't want you to become interested or even fall in love with someone else.
He needs you for the sex and if you end up going into a reltionship with another guy then that means he gets no sex and hes not prepared to let you do that yet until he finds someone else to sleep around and have fun with.
Move on and find a proper man, push him aside and make sure he doesn't get his way with you
2006-12-29 12:12:29 · answer #3 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
Cazza, I really think you have to make your mind up exactly what it is you want from this relationship, and think about whether this guy really is the guy who can give it to you or not. As far as I can see, I really don't think this guy is what you need and you have to stop finding reasons for why he keeps returning to you.
I think he probably feels a bit guilty for having treated you as "a fling", especially now given your health situation, but when push comes to shove, there is nothing there resembling commitment. Without commitment, Cazza, you don't have a relationship.
The main reason he keeps coming back is because he sees you as a sex object, not as a woman. He keeps coming back because you make it too easy for him to come back because you are in a vulnerable situation and need someone to feel safe with. He keeps coming back because he knows that you will give him the attention and/or sexual gratification he craves whenever his latest squeeze gives him the boot. But that is not doing you any good whatsoever: it's messing with your heart and mind. You have to be harder to get than that. If he wants to have his piece of the cake, he has to give you the commitment you need, otherwise you've got to tell him, "not tonight, mate!"
Cazza, the fact is that the writing is on the wall as far as you are concerned. You are going to need all your strength of character to fight your cancer: you really don't need someone who is going to be so unpredictable and unreliable treating you like a sexual doormat. This guy is both of these writ large with a capital U: he is a waste of space, so for your heart's sake ditch him from your life now and find someone less selfish.
I wish you good luck, my dear, in finding someone who is good for you and also for your battle against your illness. I sincerely hope you win on both counts.
2006-12-29 13:13:06 · answer #4 · answered by colliedug111060 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
It's the dog with a bone syndrome,
(he doesn't want you and he doesn't want anyone else to have you).
You're worth more than that!
He sounds like a good friend though...
Although he is kind and supportive, don't let that stop you moving on.
Good luck, with the cancer treatment. I hope the year 2007 will see you beat it.
2006-12-29 12:12:56 · answer #5 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He's too immature for you. Quite frankly, he's just not that into you. And that's the title title of an excellent book - "He's just not that into you" by Greg Behrendt, which will open your eyes to the way women delude themselves into thinking "One day he will realise how much I mean to him". It doesn't work that way. You're available, you're needy at the moment (so sorry to hear about your illness) and you're willing to be treated as second best. You're worth more than that. Truly.
I hope your treatment is successful and that you have the self confidence to find someone who values you as the wonderful person you are.
2006-12-29 12:09:29 · answer #6 · answered by True Blue Brit 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Hello??
Anyone at home?
He's using you for sex.
Think of it this way, what kind of man would mess a woman about who's just been diagnosed with cancer, wont let you see other men but he can see other woman?
Wake up lady, you deserve better.
You are allowing him to do this!
2006-12-29 12:57:07 · answer #7 · answered by simon m 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Because u r easy and he know it . o.k. he came back but only in your time of need do think if u was not diagnosed he would be there and you say that he carried u the beginning and now he's to question u maybe u should be questioning him y is he so into u now
2006-12-29 12:14:03 · answer #8 · answered by Crystal S 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
the guy obviously has feeling for you, but he wants to have his cake and eat it. perhaps he feels guilty about your illness and wants to make up for being so awful to you but he is still messing with your head. i think you need to give your relationship some definition. if you are a couple he needs to stop sleeping around. if you are just friends you have to stop sleeping with him you are going to end up very hurt if this carries on and i think you should be using all your own strength to fight your cancer not deal with this mess.
2006-12-29 12:02:26 · answer #9 · answered by queenjoef 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
well without this sounding too harsh...thi guy just wants his leg over and nothing more...he's back in your life for that reason only...he is good for helping you, but if he won't commit then i dont see there being a future between either of you, if he classes you as a mate, then tell him mates dont sleep together and to respect you as a mate and not just as a booty call....
2006-12-29 12:59:55 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
He seems to only be steady at one thing,,sex. By mainly coming to you for that, and doing things to stay cool with you for that, proves he's only out for 1...himself. You can do better. People only treat you the way you allow yourself to be treated.
2006-12-29 12:07:28 · answer #11 · answered by Polite1 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋