Sick toddler after visiting with relatives...?

Question

I'm in a sticky situation... I have a 19 month old and everytime we go to visit my relatives within a week he is sick (usually an ear infection). One of my relatives smokes (not inside the house when we are there) but I know that it is still in the air. They also have a lot of animals inside the house and I know that it is probably an issue as well.

My problem is I do not know how to address it because I know that it is going to offend them if I tell them that he gets sick everytime we visit. They only live an hour away so they expect us to visit a lot and I don't know what do to. I have cut back our visits to about once a month or every other month. I have been keeping track with our visits and when he gets sick and it seems like there is a connection.

Do I address it or just ride it out? If I address it all hell is going to break loose. But at the same time I am the one who has to stay up with him when he is sick and I am the one who has to take time off from work.

I appreciate all of the answers and most of them have run through my head at one time. My dilemma is this: one of the relatives is my grandmother who is old and doesn't travel well (they haven't been to my house in over a year now). I get world class guilt trips for not visiting more often but that is not the issue here.

I understand that taking care of sick little ones is part of being a mother and I do not have a problem with that. It is one thing for my child to pick something up from daycare or the grocery store or even from me. But it is a completely different thing if I am knowingly placing him in an environment that is making him sick.

My problem is that these are pretty much the only family that I have. My parents are both deceased. I guess that I am afraid that if I say something I am going to alienate them. However, my child's health is my main concern because my job is to take care of him.

Answer 1

I had a similar situation with a part of my family, who actually blew smoke in my children's faces! We have stopped going over there and instead we meet up at the mall or for dinner at a restaurant where smoking is not allowed. I would take your child to the doctor after one of these visits and if the doctor does say that this could be caused by the smoke, tell your family this is what the doctor mentioned and that you would really appreciate it if they could not smoke in front or around your child when you are visiting. It may offend them at first, but they will realize that you are only looking out for your child's best interest and health. Besides it is not good for a child to see any of their family smoking. Good luck!

Answer 2

I'm an RN and I worked at a community hospital. The general rule there was if you're under twelve, then you shouldn't really visit the hospital. I now work at a very large hospital in Orange County, CA. It's a teaching facility, which means we have every available resource. Everything is about arguing and debating a current rule. This whole thing about kids...well, ....Do you know there is no actually study that says a child > 2 years old will contract something more than a regular adult. My first reply was, "NO, a child can not visit". Our nursing educator asked, why not? After hearing this whole thing. I have now changed my stand on this. Family dynamics is important, maybe important enough than enforcing this rule. If you are an RN, and are going for higher education...don't be so quick to enforce these rules. Ask why. What will happen if "I" don't enforce this rule? Will a terrible consequence occur? I do agree that a newborn should not be in a hospital, but once they hit 1 year old, there immune system is essentially established.

Answer 3

Well, you could isolate you & your toddler from the rest of the world...then again, there is some evidence that your child builds immunities and will be less sick as an adult. The staying up with your sick kid-and staying home-part of being a Mom-kids get sick...My son had lots of ear infections, especially as a toddler-lots of runs to the Dr. but he rarely gets sick now he's grown...

Answer 4

Perhaps you could mention that your child has been sick frequently and that the doctor thinks it may be due to allergies that haven't been identified yet. (It actually might be.) Say that the doctor has instructed you to avoid cigarette smoke and pet dander, among others, so you need to avoid taking him places where those exist.

As long as there is no smoke in your house, and no pets at home that could be bothering him this might work, at least for a while. Maybe they would like to visit you instead.

Answer 5

This is your child's health and not something to play around with. Why don't you have the relatives visit you? I would rather deal with all hell breaking loose then my baby getting sick every time we visit relatives.

Answer 6

Tell them...My daughter having some issues with dogs for awhile and i straight out told my mom(who lives in another state) not to bring her dog because i don't want her getting sick again...And the same to my family members that i'm not taking her over because of the dogs..It was much easier for me than it will probably be with you since i'm not close to my family but still tell that...And you might be suprised by there response..

Answer 7

ARE YOU SERIOUS, look first and formost you duty is to the child, and don't be worried about offending people, hell would you like to keep the child ill, and make all these others happy?

Answer 8

Can they visit you instead? Then at least he would remain in your environment, and may get ill less frequently.

Answer 9

tell them its the long rides that you think is making him sick and that you think that they should come to you to see him. to see if that is the problem good luck .

Answer 10

You need to address.It is your child's health & he needs you to care for him unconditionally.