What would you do? Need some relationship advice...?

Question

So my new boyfriend invited me out last night but then canceled on me because he was under the impression that I had my daughter. Rather then tell me the truth that he was not ready to meet her, he lied and made up some excuse. Now please keep in mind I have never mentioned them meeting because I do not feel it is the time to bring my daughter around someone that I have just started seeing and that it took me one hell of time to get a babysitter last night just for him to lie to me and then stop by later on to tell me that he didn't plan on meeting her for at least a year. Now I am only 23 years old and he is 20 so I don't think he's ever dated anyone that has had kids but I still feel really hurt that he would lie to me about something like this and be that apprehensive about meeting my daughter. She's the most important thing in my life and because of his actions I feel that he doesn't see that and accept or respect it. I mean if he wants me in his life he has to understand that she

is also part of my life. I mean I am pretty much ready to give up on him based on his lie and just everything that transpired. Do you think that I am overreacting and what would advice could you offer me. Thank you :)

Answer 1

hi.

1st. talk to him, and let him know that you were not in anyway looking for him to be a daddy to your little girl. let him know that she has a father and she is taken care of, and that its NOT his place to decide when he will or wont meet her.

during this talk, also let him know that you would never 'spring' your child onto him. that when the time is right for both of you to meet her, then it will be discussed and you will set up something that everyone can be comfortable with.

find out how he feels about dating someone with a child, remind him that your child is a big part of your life and if he isnt able to deal with that, then he should be honest and a man and let you know that now so that you are not waisting each others time.

let him know how much it hurt you that he would lie to you about getting out of a date just because he felt he wasnt ready to meet your daughter, then, let him know that that type of behaviour is not acceptable and will not be tolerated.

tell him that he is dating you not your daughter and that if the two of you have plans, that cancleing last minute for anything less of a REAL emergency is not fair to you, especially since you have to take the time to find someone to sit for you.

NOW... 2.

After this talk only you can decided whats best for you and your daughter. no advice in the world can change what you feel in your heart after talking with him.

personally, i feel that what he did was immature and childish and that you shouldnt have to deal with anyone who is afraid to acept you for who you are. and who you are is: a beautiful and careing person who had so much love that you gave birth to a beautiful little girl.

at the end of the day, its really about your daughter, not some guy who chickens out at the thought of even spending TIME with a little girl.

GOOD LUCK!

Answer 2

Your instincts are right on this. I have 3 kids and girl, I know how hard it is to get a babysitter, let alone for just one child! He's not officially legal yet, so mentally he's still a teen. (Like coming over after the lie was going to help him soften things over w/ you. Whatever!) Tell this loser to call you when he grows up.

Answer 3

he is 20 and probably scared to death about meeting her,,all eyes judging him,,talking to her or being expected to talk to her even though he doesnt 'do ' kids,,,his lying is his age and maturity but that in itself doesnt make him a bad person it just means he cant lie well. better he did this now that meet your daughter and make a complete hash of it......you both need to talk about what you think is likely to happen if you continue dating but bear in mind you have had to mature,you are a mother and it brings responsibility,,some of his ideas may seem childish but what do you expect,,he is only a young inexperienced bloke and some of his ideas wont match yours,tell him lying to you really pees you off and he doesnt have to,,you are not stupid,you are not moving him in and for the minute are quite happy having a boyfriend and having fun,,what happens after will happen after and if he has something to say he can talk to you.

Answer 4

Well your boyfriend is young and since he doesn't know exactly how to handle the situation he lied.

Best thing to do would be to talk to him about it, don't feel or think that he doesn't accept or respect it. You need to know what he thinks about this.

The fact that he is going out with you even if you have a daughter means that he is trying to accept it or already has. You just need to know exactly where he is on that subject and help him with it.

Answer 5

Dump him