How long should a friend stay with you? What should be done if she doesn't leave as agreed?

Question

I'm a single mom going through a difficult time: no job, hardly any money in my account, no support system. I'm living off of my dad's handouts.

I decided w/o thinking to allow this emotionally unstable girl I've known for a long time to reenter my life and stay with me and my son in our studio. I don't know why she won't stay with relatives or one of her many friends.

The thing is she was supposed to stay for 2 wks but now she wants to stay for 1-2 months. She doesn't want to pay half the rent even though she has a job. She uses the internet all the time but has never offered to pay some of it and she knows I have a high bill.

She's really annoying me right now: not paying me for the wk, coming in late at night, talking on the phone late at night and singing all the time. I'm so mad I'm not even talking to her. She thinks she hasn't done anything wrong.

The only positive about her is she buys her own food, bought some cheap things for my son and she seems to like him

Answer 1

I was a single mom for many, many years. It's hard enough for you to take care of yourself and your son. Unfortunately, there are others that think they can take advantage of those who are trying to be kind hearted. It sounds to me like you will have to give her a deadline to move out. Once you decide on a date, stick to it. If you don't, she will only continue using you and making you miserable. I understand and commend you for wanting to help her but it's time to think about you and your son only. Good luck to you!

Answer 2

Hon, you're an ADULT so start acting like one. Tell the girl that she needs to have all of her stuff out of your apartment by 5 pm today. No ifs, ands, or buts. If her stuff isn't out of your apartment, she will be able to find it in the hallway, the garbage, or at goodwill.

If you really want to let her stay there, tell her that she must contribute half of the rent AND utilities UP FRONT each month. She is also to abide by your rules regarding being home by a certain time and being quiet so that you and your son can sleep and do what you need to do. Otherwise, refer to the above about kicking her out.

This is not a friend, it is a MOOCH.

Answer 3

She is leeching. She is probably too immature to understand what she is doing is wrong.

She has been taken care of by someone for all of her life and does not understand that it was something done because she was a child.

I had a friend like this. She said "I'll scrub your floors! Just let me live with you!"
When it came time for her to pull her weight, she'd say "I don’t' feel like it"

She was in stupefaction on why she was being kicked out.

1- She does not understand what she is doing is wrong. You telling her "This is wrong" is probably not going to convince her of it. She needs to come to the realization herself, and that may not happen until she is kicked out of a lot of places

2- Do not let her emotional instability hijack you into supporting her. The state will supply services for those in a certain income bracket. Offer to take her and get some of these services set up for her. (If she is that bad off)


Sit her down and explain - She is stressing you out.

You have a right to have quiet in your house!!
She is stealing your ability to have some peace of mind.

Does the fact that she buys her own groceries clear her of her other behaviors?
NO! She SHOULD be buying her own food AND pay part of the bills AND be considerate of you.

She is only living up to 1/3 of what a considerate person should be doing.

Please understand that being "needy" does not give her the right to another person's stuff. It is up to you to be generous, and up to you to decide if this person will use or waste your generosity.

If it is stressful for me to give to someone in need, they must, at least, not be wasteful of what I am giving them.

Answer 4

She's taking advantage of you. Which is pretty low especially considering your current status. Don't expect subtle hints with this type of person to work. She will continue to take advantage of you as long as you allow. Decide for yourself what is fair and right. (Your priorities should be what's good for your kid first, and yourself second, and what's good for your friend should only apply if it doesn't interfere with the first 2).

Sounds to me like your best option is to send her packing (hasn't she alrerady overstayed what you agreed upon? Also, if she is 'unstable' do you really want her around your kid?). Or if you decide to let her stay awhile you need to set some rules: She should pay some rent, help around the house, and follow your rules about acceptable use of phone, internet, etc.

Once you decide (and you should asap), let her know exactly in a firm, buy polite manner. You need to show that you have a backbone and be firm. She will take advantage of you as long as YOU let her.

Answer 5

Don't give her any choices. If you let her move in for a week or two without asking for rent that's your fault. Now set the rules. If you are staying any longer give me rent or I will pack your bags & change the locks. Also let her know that she can only stay, say, until the end of the month. Put a limit on things like you should have done in the beginning.
It's your place and you can make the rules.
Giver her a set price she ows (or will owe) you and be firm.
If she doesn't like it move her out.

Answer 6

It's time to let her know that, if she wishes to stay longer, you will be drawing up an agreement detailing rent and utilities charges she will be paying. You just can't afford to support her. If she does not wish to pay, then she can leave. If she does not wish to leave, you can call the police as she is trespassing. Be sure to make any agreement month to month and detail how you will go about letting her know you won't renew the agreement for the next month, i.e. kick her out (usually you have to give 30 days notice that they must leave).

Then, it's time for you to disconnect the freakin' internet if you can't pay your bills!!!!!! HELLO?? The local library will provide internet access for free. What the hell are you thinking?

Answer 7

I agree with JC. Your child is your first priority and then you. This girl is neither here nor there in your order of things. There is such a thing as "pay as you go" - and she's not even doing that. So what if she's buying her own food - she's using your utilities. She's working - tell her to shove off and not to make it too soon before you see her again. Y've done yr best!

Answer 8

i understand precisely the way you experience. i'm form of interior the comparable boat myself with my ex. We have been at the same time 7 years and grow to be so soft and that i understand he's my soul mate. I truly have have been given yet another boyfriend now besides the undeniable fact that it in simple terms would not experience the comparable and that i've got been speaking lots to my ex approximately getting lower back at the same time. i understand he desires to besides yet i think of we are the two careful of the excuses why we broke up interior the 1st place.we are in simple terms taking it slowly- being acquaintances and taking off to have faith one yet another lower back will build a stable foundation on your relationship. in simple terms wait and notice and that i'm beneficial you will get what you pick :) solid success :)

Answer 9

Your child should be your first priority. That said, stop worrying about upsetting her or being rude and step up and tell her to either contribute, or move out. Of course she wants to stay. Its all free. My guess is, this is why she isnt with family. They already know what a freeloader she is and have gotten wise to her. Stop putting yourself in a difficult position and making it harder on yourself. Make her pay, or make her leave.

Answer 10

I would confront her and tell her you simply can't take care of her too. That she needs to leave if she can't help you out with the rent or help you out by babysitting for you while you are looking for a job. If she is non-responsive tell her she needs to leave. Tell her you are going through a rough spell right now and you cannot afford to take care of another person. If she has nowhere else to go, that her own problem, unfortunately. You need to take care of you and your child.