Do you think we were used?

Question

I just got marred 2 years ago and my step son had cancer my wife and i were helping him out with money food and bills. Then he was cleared of cancer after the first year that I was with my wife but he wouldn't look for a job so it went on to the 2nd year and hi finley went back to work. here is the thing we had 60 thousand dollars in the bank now were in credit card debt for 30 thousand and i just lost my job do to them moving to Mexico i wanted to stop helping him after he was cleared of cancer but my wife kept helping him till we were broke. And know he hardly even talks to her

Answer 1

Unfortunately, children do this, and I know this first hand. I had to file bankruptcy for that reason. Only he wasn't sick he stole anything he could put his hands on. As parents you did what you could live with. Your not a fool, or not even used.the reason is you loved your son, as I do mine. he probably feels he got you in this spot and feels very ashamed of what he did. his is not something he was able to change,cancer is a disease. Hopefully he will call after he gets his things together. As you know, a mothers love is forever, and to be completely honest you or your wife could not have faced his death knowing the there was one thing you could have done to change that. You both have saved a life! What price tag would you put on that? Yes it is hard to be in that much dept, and I'm feel for you because you are struggling, don't run to Mexico. If you want to go there fine, don't leave to try to move away from the situation. Go to a Lawyer and ask which way would be better for you to do to help you two wonderful people. Good-luck and God Bless you. You have done for your family I will pray for you.

Answer 2

Wow, that is a lot of money spent on him. The only way I can figure you spent 90 thousand dollars was that he had no insurance and you had to pay his medical bills. I think you need to go to one of those companies that helps you get out of debt. I hope your wife has a job and that you are able to get another one soon. Obviously, you need to cut up your credit cards until you can pay them off - if you own a home, maybe you should refinance it to pay off the cards so you are not incurring such high interest rates on the unpaid balance. As for your step son, you need to write him off as a bad debt and not be involved with him again. No matter what your wife thinks, you cannot give him any more money. I figure he must be an adult and he just has to find his own way to live. Good luck and I hope your marriage survives this.

Answer 3

I think you and your wife used poor judgement when helping her son out. I'm sure you both did it from your heart and it's sad that he didn't try to repay you guys after being cleared of cancer and getting a job. But the truth is even people with money can't afford hospital bills for cancer treatment, you guys should have looked into other avenue for financial help for him. Also you have to realize that someone that is being constantly helped by another finds it hard to start doing for themselves because they get used of being taken care of and thus worried free. Your wife should have only help when absolutely necessary.

Answer 4

yeah, my moms sister came and lived with us, they supposedly had nothing so my parents gave them their visa card thinking they wouldnt have to come up from downstairs and ask to borrow toilet paper and what not, they could just go out and buy stuff. Sure enough, they bought there son a new bike, and a bunch of other shi'ite, they didnt pay rent the whole time they were with us, they wouldnt give back the visa so my father had to cancel the card. After my parents finally gave them the boot, they hated us. Cost my parents like 10,000 for that "helping hand".

Heres a joke. A kid is looking out the window and sees 2 dogs, his father notices him looking at the dogs and hurries over and tells him "oh son, that dog has a hurt leg and that other dog is trying to give him a ride home" so the son says "gee dad, dogs are just like humans, you try to help someone out and you end up getting F***ed

Answer 5

You might have been but you are good people and DONT LET that one person spoil your kindness. He is ungraterfull and he should of been gratefull. Some people are like that. GOOD LUCK to you guys and sorry this happen but just keep being nice just be more carefull on who you help i guess but Remeber that is not why we help people to get thanks you anything we do it bc we want to. In this day and age its sad for me to say but most will not appreactait the help but the one person who matters Knows what you guys has done. So keep striving and keep being you. i will pray for you guys.
PS you can not help people until you are broke you are right there.

Answer 6

OUCH!!! That's really sad! Helping is one thing, but you can't 'help' to the tune of bankruptcy. I'm sure your wife's heart is broken! (Yours too.... oh, and your piggy bank, wallet, bank...)
Sometimes it takes a little time to get back on track after a major medical event; but when someone is helping you out financially, frugality and appreciation should be the key. He should be ashamed of himself for taking advantage of you and your wife's kindness so badly.

Good luck!

Answer 7

I cant really say anything to this but my brother is using for things that he wants. And he gets then because people feel sorry for cause I got Leukemia. But hey I cant stop him because I have no way for him to stop. Hey but your step son will turn around eventually and notice that that's his mother hes taking advantage of.

Answer 8

Yes you were used. But always remember there is no such thing as 'lending' money, once it goes out the door, you suffer whatever loss it cost you. Live and learn...and most definitely move on. ~joni

Answer 9

wow, sounds like you got taken advantage of after offering your generosity not only from your stepson, but your wife seems to have used you a bit too.

Answer 10

you need to tell your wife that you all have to live to and you all need all the money you got i feel you don't need to say anything to your stepson silents harts more than anything