My husband works in Calif. Yes, I've mentioned this before. He wasn't coming home but for 6 days a week, and now he has chosen to get his RN at a college up there. We initally agreed to try this long distance thing for a year...and it looks like it will be turning into 2 extra years now b/c of school. The distance was putting a strain on our relationship before school and now he will not be able to come home but between school breaks which is every 3 months! I'm not moving there b/c housing is outrageous and that was never our intention. We have no kids. He is 33 and I am 34. Not to mention having a family has been put on hold for years already for one excuse or another.........and now he says we can't have a family until after he graduates. Just wondering if I should ask him not to go to school and come home. ? I would feel terrible doing that.....and not sure if he would anyway. Any helpful advice out there?
2006-12-29 02:49:40 · 20 answers · asked by Hear2Help 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Before he took this job in calif. he was enrolled in an online program...and HE told me that Calif. didn't accept REGENTS Rn's anymore. Therefore, making it perfectly clear to me that Calif. is the place he wants to work. Sure, I told him to get his Rn here...but he wanted to work there NOW as he lives with 3 RN roommates up there that work at the same hospital.
2006-12-29 02:58:10 · update #1
Yes, Bondgirl that's how I feel. My dad says" he's acting immaturely abandoning his wife and home".And, no the room mates are male.
2006-12-29 03:09:30 · update #2
actually, katriana I wrote this b/c I wanted opinions....even yours. Thanks.
2006-12-29 03:36:31 · update #3
I don't think that you should ask him not to go. I do think you should let him know that this is not something that you like, or will be able to do happily. He should know when making his decision that his relationship will probably fail as a result. What if you put your life on hold, and - God forbid - he finds someone else - where does that leave you? Too many times I've heard of women putting their lives on hold while hubby makes a career -and once he's all high & mighty - dumps her. There are plenty of schools, I'm sure, closer to home that he could attend if he wanted.
2006-12-29 03:03:40 · answer #1 · answered by Bondgirl 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
You need to let him go to school. Him becoming an RN would mean a better lifestyle for the both of you. Have you ever thought that he want to go to school to better his life for you? Also is it not easy to get into school to be an RN you should be so proud of him and stand by his side. I know that distance can be hard but losing him all together would be harder. Why not move? Do you have something that is keeping you where you are?? I say if you can and have the money take off and be with him. If you do not than I would say communication will be key. Get a cyber cam, email, write cute love letters and talk on the phone. You will be surprised at how fast time will fly. Also, he his your husband and you took the vows to stand by each other. How would you like it if he told you NOT to do something that you really wanted to do. Also remember that I am sure he has not been the only reson you guys has not started a family!!! Take time and think about it!! Good luck I hope it works out for the best!
2006-12-29 10:58:55 · answer #2 · answered by lizzy 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Remember -- asking is different than demanding. I think that, given your current situation, it is an option that you should discuss. I know that I couldn't stand being long distance for two years. It's not healthy for a relationship.
Also, consider your excuse for not moving there... housing is outrageous... yet, instead you are paying for two places to live -- the home you are in, and the apartment/dorm where he is living. Does that really make sense? Why not find ONE place there that you can share -- yes, it may be smaller or not as nice as where you are right now, but consider it a price you are paying to keep your relationship healthy. Take out student loans if need be! That's what they're there for! If your relationship is really important, I think that you two will find some way to stay together throughout this time; I personally think that living together is an important part of this. Good luck.
2006-12-29 10:55:18 · answer #3 · answered by wnk 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sounds to me like he's trying to work and get a degree to better his life and yours. But in the meantime your complaining that he's never home with you, but you're refusing to meet him halfway. Life is about change. Housing might be outrageous and sure it might not have been your intentions, but there again--"Life is about change and meeting the other person halfway".It's not all about you, there's another person involved and you have to consider that. If he's working there and he's going to go to school out there where he works then, if you love him you'd be there with him through thick and thin. Being together is everything even if it means change.
I know you probably wrote this to see how many people would feel sorry for you and would tell you what you wanted to hear, but I can't do that. You needed to hear this. Best of Luck.
2006-12-29 11:14:47 · answer #4 · answered by katriana30 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
WOW. What a great great educational opportunity it is to live with a houseful of female RNs !!! Why should the guy want to come home ??
You and hubby need to sit down and have a looooonnnnnngg chat about your "shared" goals and values. Long-distance marriages just don't work, and the longer you are apart, the worse it gets.....UNLESS you 2 have a shared goal, a shared plan, a shared vision of your future, and commitment, it ain't gonnna work.
2006-12-29 11:04:03 · answer #5 · answered by snvffy 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Is there a school closer to you? If you two though that college would only take 1 year, you two were both blinded.
You have two options.
1) Move out there with him. You want to have a family anyway, so why not try the stay at home mom?
2) Get him to move closer to you since in-state tuition will be better on your budget in the longrun.
Basically, talk with him. This is the between you two, not us.
2006-12-29 10:53:49 · answer #6 · answered by FaZizzle 7 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Ok u know how us women complain about our men not wanting to support our dreams well now it's ur turn to think it over n decide if u love him enough to let him finish school n just settle for every 3mths i mean it ain't that bad,u can go visit him u know so don't look at the negative side,he wants to make somethin' of himself don't hold him back it's betta than a husband who only sits on his tail all day u r blesssd big time so think n then decide on ur decision.don't make a choice u'll regret so be careful.
2006-12-29 11:00:48 · answer #7 · answered by Juicy 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well if you really love him then you could move closer...not exactly there, but a little closer that way you could drive there and see him more often. If you already made a deal to let him do it for a year, let him do it till you can't stand it any longer, then ask him to move back home.
2006-12-29 10:57:14 · answer #8 · answered by Francheska B 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Schooling is good but the men of nowadays are not just serious.If you know and if there has been now misunderstanding among you, why not allow him go. After all you will see him after every 3months as you say.You know your husband more than us and you really need not just to take decisions that will hook you tomorrow.
I wish you the best
2006-12-29 11:13:00 · answer #9 · answered by patrick w 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
If you love your husband and want your marriage to last you need to let him go to school. I know it is hard right now, but you married him for better or worse. It may be hard now but it should get better. He is trying to better him self so ya'll can have a good life. That's what marriage is about. When you do get to see him make it the best of it. Have patience. GOOD LUCK
2006-12-29 10:55:42 · answer #10 · answered by chris 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋