My son is very clingy and though his vocabulary is growing he chooses to have a fit instead of tell me what he wants. I have to list the things I think he might want and wait for him to say something. It is very frustrating. My husband says I'm raising a mama's boy but I don't know what to do differently. I don't coddle him. I make him do for himself what I know he can, but hell yeah when he wants affection I hold him. God knows how much longer I'll be able to pick him up at the rate he's growing!
2006-12-29 02:16:52 · 22 answers · asked by cabinfeverjen 2 in Pregnancy & Parenting ➔ Toddler & Preschooler
You cannot turn a two year old into a mama's boy. You are right to pick him up and be affectionate. Also, throwing a fit is common two year old behavior.
I would encourage him to tell you what he wants in words. If he insists on you enumerating his options, then only give him two. "Do you want to play with the truck or the ball." This will save you time, and force him to make a choice or tell you what he wants. As for being clingy -- divert his attention. When he gets whiny or upset, find him something productive to do. Chances are, he's getting this way because he's bored. Bring his attention around to something else, and you'll both be happier. But don't stop giving him those bear hugs!
2006-12-29 02:21:57 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 3⤊ 0⤋
I have 4 sons ( 3 are grown now) Some toddlers at this age go through this. Although he can communicate to you what he wants he would rather have a fit (I had one that did this also) and have you name everything under the sun because when you are doing this he is getting "special attention" Even though I always gave my boys plenty of attention he still did this until I got so frustrated that I explained to him that I knew he could let me know and until he was ready to communicate that in an appropriate manner then he could sit in his room and have his fit and when he was done he could come back and let me know, It didn't take very long for that to get through to him. I think it is this age when they start to become more independent but have a hard time getting there and they want to see who really has the strongest will. Good luck.....this will pass as long as you set rules now and stick to them.
2006-12-29 02:34:31 · answer #2 · answered by Robin L 6 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When my son was 2 (he's now 3)we had similar issues. He wasn't clingy, but he wouldn't talk much either, even though he understood everything I said -- even complex, multi-step commands. We had to put him into speech therapy for about 5 months. I think he was capable of talking all along, but as talking was more challenging for him than the gross motor things that came so easily for him, he was lazy about it. He tends to be very lazy when things don't come easily to him, or if he no longer wants to do things for himself. For example, for a 2 week period he insisted on getting dressed himself. Once he learned how, he didn't want to do it anymore.
As far as your husbands concerns about your son being a Mama's boy, please tell him not to worry. We adopted my son, and just finished up with our final post-placement visit from the social worker yesterday. I told him that my son is a Mama's boy when he asked about his relationship with everyone in the family. He said that he and his wife have 6 kids, and ALL the boys were Mama's boys, and ALL the girls were Daddy's girls until they turned 12 or 13 -- then it switched.
2006-12-29 02:33:21 · answer #3 · answered by jujsky 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
My daughter was 2 on 30Th October, I would say she is slightly clingy but in a different way to your son. I keep getting told how its the terrible 2's. people always comment how clear and well spoken my daughter is but she has red hair and is very adamant about what she wants. I am now having her stamp her foot because I hold the rains and she wants her dad too. If I go out and come back even 10 minutes later I get a big kiss and cuddle but all children are different. I think they all go through some kind of stage but everyone is still different.
2006-12-29 02:22:56 · answer #4 · answered by SARAH S 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Mom's make clingy kids. Its not healthy for their development, or for your role as a parent.
Children should know they can come to you to get security and affection, but constantly tugging at your apron strings, or being too shy and cautious to explore and enjoy their world and the people around them is something that parents teach their kids.
You didnt say how old our son is, but iam going to guess he's between 18-36 months. This age is known for fits and tantrums. Theyre just learning how to communicate with words, and having to choose words to get a reaction from you isnt as easy as just crying and making you figure it out.
If he's throwing a fit, for the love of God, STOP trying to figure out what he's crying for. If he has atleast one word, or the ability to point and show you what he wants (if he's very young, not as a toddler, the goal is words, not gestures), then he should be speaking or showing NOT throwing a fit.
You need to tell him he's not allowed to throw fits, tell him you're sorry he's upset, but that you cant help him until he can calm down and use words to tell you what he wants. Once he's ready to calm down a little, either have him use the word he wants, or if he doesnt know the word, have him point. But teach him the word then and there and have him say it before you give him the item.
As a nanny, and someone who's raised two brothers, and been working in childcare since I was a child, I can honestly say there is nothing WORSE than a toddler who clings to mom. Ive seen the end result of that in children who grew up around me. Its not pleasant, and often the child ends up violent or so introverted they cant even enjoy social groups with people they KNOW.
Do what you know to be best as your childs mother, but also realize your husband as a view from outside the situation, so dont just blow off his concerns. He'll often be right.
2006-12-29 02:25:26 · answer #5 · answered by amosunknown 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When you list things he might want, that is encouraging him to continue throwing the fit until you have the right answer. Next time he chooses to throw a fit tell him "I don't know what you want but if you use your words and tell me or show me what you want I might be able to help you." If he continues to throw a fit then leave the room until he decides that throwing a fit is not working. It might take days or even weeks to start working but I think he will realized that if he uses his words he will get what he wants more often then he will if he throws a fit. Even if he does not know a word pointing is a good way to start but when he points and you find the item you should Name the item and try to get him to say the word with you.
I hope this helps and good luck!
2006-12-29 03:31:28 · answer #6 · answered by bree 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
I have heard one of the preschool teachers, tell some of the children in her room that don't talk very much, they kind of wine or cry and you can't understand what they want....( she gets down at eye level) "calm down, Miss Kara is listening, now use your words." I have seen it help, although at times it is frustrating because you may not can understand what their words are. You may have to do what you are doing on top of that,by giving a list of things,too. My daughter is three and sometimes I still every now and then have to pick her up and let her touch what is in the cabinet she wants,if I don't understand her word. I hope this is helpful. Good luck, the two's and three's can be a hard time, they try to be independent, but are still so dependent!
2006-12-29 02:54:59 · answer #7 · answered by CJ 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
sounds like he might have some delay in speech development. Very common. If you have insurance then take him to be evaluated. They pinpoint exactly what area of speech he's struggling with and work with him to catch up. They'll even give you tips on how to work with him at home Once your son has caught up he'll be a much happier independant kid because he can express himself. The clingyness is normal also independent of his troublw with speech. Tell your husband to cool out the poor boy's only been on this earth for 2 years, he;s not a mama's boy.
2006-12-29 02:22:45 · answer #8 · answered by Ella727 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
I'm with you - they are small for such a short time, if they want to be held, I am never too busy to hold.
If you see him starting to have a fit, perhaps get down to his level, make eye contact and encourage him to use his words to explain what he wants.
I don't think you are coddling him too much or raising a mama's boy. If your son wants your affection, and you give it, that is what good mom's do.
2006-12-29 02:23:13 · answer #9 · answered by harrisnish 3 · 2⤊ 0⤋
At 2, his vocabulary won't be very developed yet and he's probably frustrated that he can't communicate what he wants to you. Be patient with him, but don't start listing all the possibilities of what he wants to him - that won't teach him to expand his communication skills. It's o.k. for him to be a little frustrated - this'll incite him to learn more. Don't do anything for him until he points out or at least gives you one word of what he wants, then help him the rest of the way.
And don't stop showing your affection, momma. He'll thrive on that....
2006-12-29 02:33:56 · answer #10 · answered by chicchick 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋