i am dating someone who has been in interracial relationships. i am against that. i know it is narrow minded of me but it seems to be a hard thing for me to overcome. should i hold it against her? and before you get on the soap box i am not racist.
2006-12-29 02:14:08 · 38 answers · asked by Brian . 1 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
No you should not hold it against her.
2006-12-29 02:16:04 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 2⤋
Its not "narrow-minded". Its an opinion and everyone (regardless of political correctness or others thoughts) is entitled to their opinion. There's nothing wrong with you if you're bothered by this. The only thing you can do is really get to know her. You never know, it may not bother you later on. However if you still can't get past it, find someone else. That doesn't make you ignorant or racist. It's just something that's important to you and you should see no reason for compromise.
2006-12-29 03:07:49 · answer #2 · answered by Joe P 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If it is something that is truly bothering you than no you shouldn't hold it against her, but you should choose to not be with her and let her find someone to love her fully and without any judgement of anything or anyone she has done in the past. My parents are Black Male & White Female and I am 35 years old and they are still together, no matter what if someone loves someone else the should love them for the person they are not who they dated or who they were. If you don't live for the present and you stay in the past, you will never have a future.
2006-12-29 02:19:05 · answer #3 · answered by mdsmith9372 2 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I am assuming you are white and your girlfriend's ex is black... I can understand how it might feel weird, because my current boyfriend also had trouble accepting my "interracial dating past". I guess it's a guy, macho thing, worrying whether you'll be able to fill the ex's shoes. In my case, I just made it clear to my boyfriend that I'm not ashamed about my past, and that I'm with him now because I want it and because he is better.
You should definately not hold it against her. Instead, you should try to talk openly about your feelings in the matter. Just talk.
2006-12-29 02:30:16 · answer #4 · answered by Lotte 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Brian, if you aren't racist, then what are you? If it doesn't bother you for her to have had relationships in the past with members of the same race, then if you aren't racist, why does it bother you that she has dated outside her race? Perhaps you need to really think this over, and face what you honestly feel inside...then talk to her about it. I am white, married to a beautiful, strong and loving black man, and we have a lovely, intelligent 15 year old daughter who is the light of my life... and yet our lives upset SOOO many folks. I don't ask anythng from anyone, and we are productive, spiritual people! I would hate to think you harbor racial uneasiness because this young lady has an open mind and heart and that you treat her differently because of it. Search yourself.
2006-12-29 02:22:21 · answer #5 · answered by themom 6 · 0⤊ 1⤋
This is NOT be picked as best answer, but here goes. Of course you are a racist if you are bothered by her dating men of a different color. You are making a distinction on the basis of race, and that is the core of racist thinking. Now, having said that, that is fine, since being a racist is not a crime. You have the right to choose your own way of thinking. But you have no business dating this woman -- you clearly do not respect her and that is no basis for a relationship. Do her a favor and break it off now.
2006-12-29 02:17:42 · answer #6 · answered by Anonymous · 5⤊ 1⤋
Ok so you don't believe in interracial relationships. Well, your woman is not in one now. Do you look at her as tainted, somehow? Don't hold people's past against them. Especially when all she did was go out with someone outside of her race. It's so common now, that it shouldn't be an issue. Live in the Now.
2006-12-29 02:21:53 · answer #7 · answered by Lovebug123 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
Can I ask you a question? Why are white guys so hung up on this? I know I can't date white guys now because they think I'm into just black men and that's not the case at all.
I think it doesn't matter who you are dating, black, white, oriental. Why limit yourself to one third of the population when you can be more open minded and date anyone from ethnical background. I think this girl is good for doin that and you shouldn't penalise her for it, she's with you now tho isn't she!! So why don't you just concentrate on the two of you and not get all hung up on what skin colour the guy before you was, as it's now irrelevant.
2006-12-29 02:19:48 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You already have held it against her apparently. I have no opinion on interracial dating but if you do and this girl you are dating is not important enough to hold on to because you can't get over it, then leave now and don't string her along and hurt this girl down the road.
2006-12-29 02:17:44 · answer #9 · answered by detfan12_2000 3 · 1⤊ 1⤋
I guess you should explore within yourself the reasons it bothers you. If these reasons are so profound that you just can't get over them, your next decision is to decide whether it is serious enough to let her go.
Really though, what difference does it make to you? It's her past after all, which has no direct influence upon the present, much less your future together. Are you afraid of some leftover residue or something?
2006-12-29 02:19:03 · answer #10 · answered by CPT Jack 5 · 1⤊ 1⤋
If you really like her you won't hold it against her. Maybe you should ask yourself why it is so hard for you to accept and what your issues are with interracial dating because this is your problem, not hers. Try to remember, love knows no color!
2006-12-29 02:20:37 · answer #11 · answered by xtcgurl123 4 · 1⤊ 1⤋