child's death?

Question

a few days before christmas Kay, my very young sister that was basically my own child, passed away suddenly from what is thought to be flu.

I have been strong and have been able to continue to care for the other children, I sleep every night, I go to work everyday....

but I feel so guilty for being strong. Kay had some health issues since birth and I always knew she wouldn't live very long...but why aren't I a crying useless blob......I mean, this child was my life she meant everything to me, and I keep on going and taking care of everything else like I am going to be ok

Answer 1

I'm so sorry. You apparantly have a pretty strong personality. Grief is experienced in several stages, and everyone grieves differently. When my friend lost her daughter, everyone pressured her about her grieving because she seemed so strong and together at first. She grieved, and is still grieving, but she is doing it HER WAY. Please don't let anyone or anything tell you how you should grieve this loss.

Trust that you are handling this in the way that is best for you. You will go through all the stages eventually. But for now, for today, you are going through it this way.....and that is the right way for you.

God bless you and your family during this difficult time and in the days and years ahead.

Answer 2

Grief takes many forms, but there are stages to the process. The acronym for the healing process is TEAR: To accept the reality of the loss, Experience the pain of the loss, Adjust to the new environment without Kay, Reinvest in the new reality.

Chances are, the loss you have not yet accepted is allowing you to be 'strong' for the time being. Chances are you have been afraid to acknowledge and let go because the pain seems unbearable. It is not unbearable if you have support from your loved ones .. even the other kids, who likely grieve for her too.

Seek the support of family and friends to help you through it. If you need someone to talk to, feel free to email me.

Answer 3

You are grieving and not everyone does that in the same way. There are no rules and "right" way to behave after a traumatic loss. You might also be feeling some guilt steming from repressed feelings about your sister. There may come the day when you will cry about this, but putting one foot in front of the other is important right now. You can honor your sister by feeling sad, but that does not mean you have to fall apart.

Answer 4

You are going to be okay, you realized that Kay wasn't going to live very long, and you loved her, you go to work, take care of the other kids. But being strong is so rare these days, you have found your strength. You are going to be okay, when ever something bad happens it always wakes you up too the good times. Your a beautiful soul.

Answer 5

When my mom died when I was 20- I was almost the same way. You said that she has always had health problems and you were aware that she wouldnt live long- Well... Maybe you came to accept her death before she died. The accepting part is really and truly the emotional part of dying.... I truly believe that I will see my mom again someday in heaven. I think people who understand this, grieve easier than those who think they will NEVER see that person again. I dont know if this makes sense, but good luck to you. Im very sorry for your loss.

Answer 6

I have had a similar situation happen to me. Don't worry, everyone grieves in there own way and in time you will get over the shock and feel the pain. Just focus on your other children right now and try to go on with every day life, they need you. Sorry for your loss.

Answer 7

everyone has their own way of grieving and like someone said up there maybe you came to accept her loss much before hand and were prepared for it.just keep going strong no matter what.cry if you feel like it and let out your feelings.if you don't feel like it then maybe it will come some other time.may God be with you and i am sincerely sorry for your loss.it must have been hard to get separated form your loved one.

Answer 8

I am so sorry for your loss.

People deal with grief in different ways, and you will go through many phases of grief. Don't feel guilty for anything that you are feeling and don't hold off on feeling the emotions.

My thoughts are with you in this difficult time.

Answer 9

Everyone is different. You may just be in shock, but dont worry. Its normal to go through different stages of grief. The five main stages are shock, sadness, anger, denial, and acceptance. These stages may come at different times, in different order, or not at all for people.

Answer 10

When my Dad died I was the same way. People couldn't believe I wasn't upset all the time. Some said I handled his death like it was business. Everyone has their own way of dealing with the loss of someone.