currently, im in a relationship with someone and i care for them dearly. but they seem to have a co-dependant personality.meaning, they want to be around me 24/7 !
i have been divorced for a while, and i was hurt very badly in my relationship. this is the first relationship ive been in since my divorce. they seem to want to be around me all the time, dont want me to go out with my friends, dont trust me around other people, checks my cell phone when i leave the room, etc.
ive expressed to them 100 times that i am very independant and a bit selfish at times, but i have recently gotten my self esteem back and im just loving and enjoying life! i cant have someone on my team that is sooo insecure they cant trust me or wont let me be the person that i am...im not cheating or doing anything wrong, but they are really beginning to get on my nerves!!!
WHAT SHOULD I DO?!!!
seriously!!
2006-12-29 01:31:08 · 20 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
Maybe they don't feel loved enough?
2006-12-29 01:36:51 · answer #1 · answered by OC 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Sit the other person down for a serious heart to heart explaining everything you're feeling, but also let them tell you how they're feeling too. There might be underlying causes as to why they are so insecure. If you really care about the person then you might look to work on the relationship as far as counseling. If you've tried those routes first and the insecurities are still there causing problems, as a last resort you may have to move on because no-one expects you to go through a lifetime of that.
Most of the time there's a major underlying reason as to the insecurity. Something must have happened in their past to make them insecure. Once you locate that they'll be able to start a process of working to overcome it.
2006-12-29 09:54:20 · answer #2 · answered by katriana30 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
To be short: DUMP HIM (because I think "they" are a "he" afterall) !!! Do not mistake the need of dependability some people exhibit with affection or love. What I hate the most in what you're saying is his need for ultimate control over your life (checking the phone, not letting see your friends etc.) Everyone, absolutely everyone is a bit selfish from time to time -- we all need some time alone, by ourselves; it's nothing wrong with this. If you think your relationship deserves a chance, talk to him, explain how this makes you feel, and show him that his behaviour is hurting both you and your relation. He must be stronger and take control over this urge of his... Maybe he was hurt too in the past, and tries (the wrong way) to prevent that with you... If things do not improve substantially in a month or two, you should get rid of him -- but in a gentle way.
Hope it'll work out, though... Good luck to you !
2006-12-29 09:49:23 · answer #3 · answered by Restless 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
If that was the case you should have just stayed married. You need to be happy now, you have expressed ur self a few time u say and he wont get the hint, guys can be very possessive, but your freedom and happiness is important. Do u really want to be in a relationship where ur not trusted. trust is very important. 99% of the time when a partner is insecure its because of what they are doing or have done in the past.
2006-12-29 09:38:29 · answer #4 · answered by justincase119 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like they need counseling. People like that have little self-esteem or they are very controlling. You'll need to figure out which one it is. If its self-esteem, you can help them through it. If its because of a controlling nature, leave. Save yourself from the grief.
You're not married to this guy so you don't have any obligations to him.
Take the time to heal. Don't be in a hurry and get stuck with someone that's not for you. When you're ready for marriage again you'll know.
2006-12-29 09:40:06 · answer #5 · answered by Emperor Insania Says Bye! 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
you seriously need to just go back to being single! If he dont trust anything you do now, there is a good chance he will never change! you only live life once, and you cant go through it worrying about some guy! have fun, be foolish, be most importantly BE HAPPY! You are not being selfish because noone needs to be in a relationship where there is not trust! Good luck and happy new years!
2006-12-29 09:37:03 · answer #6 · answered by smitty4626 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Seriously if it was me id break up with that person because that is biig signs of control freak !!!! those are some big warning signs that if they dont trust you now and things get real serious it will just get worse a friend of mine was in a relationship like that ended up planning on marrying the guy and he ended up getting to the point that he didnt believe she wasnt cheating on him started throwing stuff at her and her kids id say get out now cause you could be in danger with a person like that
2006-12-29 09:36:56 · answer #7 · answered by jazieyez 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Leave them.
someone who checks on your phone and tells you who you can and can't see is very insecure and doesn't trust you.
Tell them that if they don't let you have your own space, then you will leave. And actually leave if they don't change.
To me, it sounds like this guy will turn into an abuser. Soon he will be controlling when you can leave the house, what you eat, what you wear, where you can work. It will be like checking in with an overbearing parent or prison guard. Do you want that sort of life for yourself?
No.
If he doesn't change, leave him and find someone who will let you be you.
2006-12-29 09:36:03 · answer #8 · answered by Anna K 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Send your question and the responses to it to your current boyfriend... you're perfectly reasonable in your desire to have some time to yourself. I've been married 11 years, but I'm now and always the same as you - I want and need time to myself. I love her dearly, but I need to 'decompress' away from her or I feel smothered every now and then. If he can't relate to that, you two are incompatible in the long run and it'll never work.
Good luck.
2006-12-29 09:35:36 · answer #9 · answered by Ketel One Up 4 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Run. Don't walk. If you wanted a bodyguard, you'd have hired one, right? He has no right to control any aspect of your life. Good for you for embracing your independent nature. You get the Rio Madeira Seal of Approval.
2006-12-29 11:36:21 · answer #10 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 0⤋
Well, get off Yahoo awnsers and confront her, its not going to stop unless you say something. You cant change who you are, but remeber this. It applys to her, you cant change who she is. Have one of those serious, okay we gotta work this out talks. Communication is the key in every relationship. Communication is the air we breathe, and that we can breathe together. Don't forget it.
2006-12-29 09:34:17 · answer #11 · answered by Mr. D 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋