talking to my parents?

Question

I have a lot going on in my family and personal life. I am 23 years old and my parents are forcing me to choose between my family and my boyfriend. There is so much more to the story which is why it's hard to make a decision. I want to write them a letter so I can get it out my system without interruption but I just wasn't sure if that was rude or not

Answer 1

If that's the only way you can express your emotions, do it. If they're forcing you to make a decision like that, I wouldn't worry about it YOU'RE being rude or not. Good luck.

Answer 2

Sounds like there is a ton more here you are not telling us. Are there reasons that your parents are forcing you to choose them over him? is he a stand up individual with morals and ethics and responsible? Or, has he made some serious mistakes that they feel will ultimately effect you? Your parents/family only want what is best for you. They are also older and wiser, they have lived through a lot more than you have. However, ! YOU are 23, an adult, you can make your own decisions, but at the end of the day....the ONLY people you can truly trust to be there for you in a healthy/happy family is your Family!

Answer 3

Write the letter but don't deliver it. Sit on it for a day or two and revise it. This is too big of a decision to be made immediately, you need some time to think and sort things out. That said, it's not right for people to make you choose between people you care about. Because ultimately, those who made you choose will probably be the ones to loose.

And please, keep this in mind, no matter how much you love him, you only have one family. And unless they are truly awful, chaces are they have your best interests at heart. I'd take a step back and ask yourself why they don't like him...

Answer 4

that is what i do with my parent - write letters- and most of the time it works because they have time to think over my information and write back. Or call. But, with the problem with your boyfriend, it is possible that the choice may be an empty threat that they think you are going to get scared of and choose them immediately. You are 23 years old and it is high time that you make your decisions for yourself. Tell your parents that you will choose if you have to but don't tell them who you will choose. It is your decision and they - this is a rebuttal statement - can either choose to be in your life and enjoy a long standing relationship with you or they don't have to and they will miss out on your times of parent-child happiness. Now both you and they have a choice. Give them options. That is what they are really looking for. If you want to talk you can email me at [e-mail] or im me at [e-mail]
Hope this helps!

Answer 5

Hey, I'm 22 and have been there! I have a lot going on in my life, and try to make time for my family. Unfortunately, they like to spend a lot of that time griping about how they never get to see me. And when I decline an invitation or a suggestion, I am accused of putting everyone and everything else before my family. My parents have said some hurtful things to me, and I have probably responded in kind. We often write letters to one another...it's a good way to get your feelings accross without being interrupted. Be kind and compassionate, but firm. Don't be selfish, but do look out for your own interests. My parents have asked me to put jobs in jeopardy to attend family functions, to spend money I don't have on gas or hotel rooms, etc. Make as much of an effort as you can, and that's the best you can do. Good luck!

Answer 6

If your 23 yrs old then u shouldnt be having to choose between them. Go with your gut. Parents say all the time that their kids have to choose between them and their spouse.. it never really sticks. Just write your feelings in the letter then wait a few days and either call or stop by. If they dont understand then dont worry. it wont take them long to realize how wrong they were. Good Luck

Answer 7

I don't think a family should make you choose even not knowing you circumstances even if the boyfriend is really bad for you they should voice their opinion but still be there for you. Tell them you can choose your friends but not your family, if you love your parents (which you must because why else would you care) tell them that you love them respect their feelings but you have got to chose your own life and make your own mistakes and that even if you fall you hope they will be there to help you up. I hope for your sake that the reason they don't like your boyfriend is because of abuse. If you are being abused I will have to side with your parents I wouldn't abandon you but I sure would get you away from him.

Answer 8

If you believe you are continuously interrupted and they do not give you a chance to explain your position, than, yes, write them a letter. Make it tender and serious. I do not know why they do not want your boyfriend. Maybe they are afraid he does not suit you. Parents are overexcited about their children. So, tame their anxieties. Reassure them you love them and they will never lose you (permanent parent fear!!) and explain your position clearly. Why should it be "Us, mummy and daddy versus him!"??No, it is not rude if the letter is from your heart. No parent will ever think of his child being "rude" just because the child is just trying to communicate!

Answer 9

This one is a tough to answer without a few details. I would like to know why your family wants you to choose?

I do know that sometimes people have to make their own decisions and live with the consequence. Whatever you decide to do make sure you can live with the possible out come.

Answer 10

Sometimes just writing your feelings down is all you need to do. I have many times wrote a letter to a parent or my spouse and haven't given it to them. It feels better alot of times just to write it all down but if you really want to explain how you feel to these people then go ahead and give them your letter. Things will hopefully ease up now that the holiday season is almost done!

Answer 11

Sometimes a letter is the best way to do it. That way you can control your attitude and get everything you want said out. Go for writing the letter. It could prove to be better then trying to talk face to face with them.