affair with a woman...?

Question

my husband wants me to have an affair with a woman. I will do anything for him although this is the hardest thing for me. How to deal with this and where to start??

Answer 1

Ask him to have an affair with a man...that will shut him up real quick.

Answer 2

No, no, no ... if you don't want to. It'll be awful. Think for a moment about the practicalities and their consequences: how will the woman be chosen? Does he have someone in mind or are you supposed to find a stranger from an agency? Either way, you're using another person as an object and you're allowing yourself to be used as an object. (I presume he wants to watch; it's a common male fantasy - more about this in a moment). And are you supposed to do it the once, or will it be continuing? You'll be introducing the most enormous unknown factor into your own emotional life and it could cost you your stability ... and maybe your marriage.

It *is* a common male fantasy; do you have the kind of shared fantasy life where you watch erotica together? 'cos if you do, then for many men this is enough if the basic relationship is healthy. If you don't, this is probably not the time to start it but if your basic sex life (and the rest of the relationship) is healthy then you might build up to this.

But if not, then you simply have to tell him that you are not prepared to take the emotional risks this would involve for you and that could last for the rest of your life. It might not be a bad idea to remind him that you made promises of fidelity when you got married. You might need to see a counsellor for some ongoing support, because I suspect that a flat No from you won't put an end to the pressure and you'll need some ongoing support.

This is a really tough one, but the risks are enormous and you ought not to expose yourself to them. If you can find a way of satisfying through fantasy, so much the better; but if it turns into bullying, get yourself some support.

Good luck.

Answer 3

Muffy, affairs are not part of "the deal", and being asked to allow this isn't the same as "doing anything" for him. The first thing to do is get your head straight on the issue: first, he's not satisfied with you, but you're willing to accept that; this is a problem. Second, whether or not you agree to it, he's likely to have an affair. Third, every day you love someone who rejects you, you hurt yourself more. Given these facts, I think self-respect demands that you end the relationship, and later you will start again.. but with SOMEONE WHO WANTS YOU.

Answer 4

Okay. First, if this is not something you really want to do, that you are more than okay with, then you stop there. There is no need really to do something to only please your partner, not you. Sex isn't working like that. You said this is the hardest thing, that should tell you something girl.

If this is something you want to do, I'd say meet the women before, both get tested for STD, both talk about it before doing anything else. That would be a great start.

In the end, you're decision should be something a great partner should respect, if he doesn't that I'll be rethinking about whether or nor he is a great parrner to be with.

Answer 5

Its not really an affair if your husband wants you to do it. Make sure it is something you want to do too or it is going to cause problems. There is a large group of people that do what your husband is wanting you to do it is called swinging. You can find lots of people in your area with similar interests on www.swinglifestyle.com. I would be more then happy to answer any moe questions you have about the lifestyle.

Answer 6

That's a tough one. I know U want to do everything U can to please him but whatever U do U will have to live with for the rest of Your life(it will always be in the back of Ur mind).Acting out fantasies are fine when they are kept in between the 2 of U but when U start bring in other folks it is a whole new ball field.Jealousy,whether it be U or him because ultimately he will want to have sex with this other person and U may begin to feel left out.It may be fun at first but over the years U will more than likely begin to resent it or him or both.
Get a life size doll or something-there are adult toy stores,mail order co.s too. Just please don't go too far remember U are the 1 who will ultimately have to live with yourself.

Answer 7

It is ridiculous for your husband to ask you to have an affair with a woman. If you are uncomfortable with this, then you should not do it. You husband should realize this and never ask you again. If he really loves you, he wouldn't ask you to do something that you feel uncomfortable with. Maybe you should ask him to sleep with another man, see how that makes him feel.

Answer 8

Bad idea. No woman should ever be so dependent on a man that she will do "anything" for him, even if it is against her own values. You relationship with him is the problem. And having sex with a woman is not going to cure that. Face the reality that he is dominating you and deal with it. No good man would ever ask this of his partner.

Answer 9

If this is hard for you and you don't agree with it, then he needs to respect that! He shouldn't expect you to do that when you are married and committed to each other! I think it's great that you will do "anything" for him---but that is crossing the line! He should do anything for you too--including respecting your marriage and your feelings. I think you should have a talk with him and tell him your true feelings. Good luck

Answer 10

If you are not comfortable with it you DO NOT have to do it. If your husband truly loves you he would not put you in a position like this. Only you can make decisions for yourself. Be strong and confident in who you are so that he will respect you and your decision. Good luck!