how can I cope with the fact that my mom is dieing of very aggressive cancer?

Answer 1

You do not mention what type of cancer or how long she has been fighting.

My teenage son was diagnosed 22 months ago with a rare and aggressive abdominal sarcoma. He was able to undergo high dose chemotherapy for multiple tumors in the abdomen, chest wall, lympthatic system, spleen, large and small intestine, liver, lung, and right diaphragm. He also had two debulking surgery. He's done very well and has only a few nodules left on the liver.

My point is that . . no one . . not even the doctor knows when someone is going to die. So, treat your Mom with love and respect and concentrate on how she is today . . right at this moment. Do not look into the future at all. Go be with her and enjoy her, talk, laugh, and be completely and totally honest at all times. Do not 'write her off' . . on the other hand be realistic. You can be her source of strength . . you can smile and encourage and be her champion. Do not let her walk this journey alone.

In my sons case, no one really knew if he would survive or not. He was filled with cancer and malignant ascites. It was all pretty grim. But we maintained a positive attitude, lived each day as they came around, and just became determined to follow the path no matter which direction it took us in. We stayed by his side and felt that helping him on a journey that might include death was as important as doing everything in our power to see that he lived.

Be strong, and do the best you can. In your situation that is all that anyone can do.

Peace to you.


P.S. Just to correct misinformation about Lance Armstrong. He used high dose chemotherapy BEP (Bleomycin, Etoposide and Platinol) chemotherapy, followed by three rounds of VIP chemotherapy (Ifosfamide, Etoposide and Platinol.) and two surgeries to combat his cancer:
http://www.livestrong.org/site/c.jvKZLbMRIsG/b.736583/k.C7AA/Lance.htm

Answer 2

Support her as best you can, make her final moments on earth as pleasant as possible. Surround her with love and family. She's probably afraid and very depressed.

Notice I'm trying VERY hard not to say something as useless and cliche' as "be there for her."

As far as your mental health goes, you need to cry on your family's shoulders, let out your anger and sadness (away from your mom), and maybe consider counseling if that doesn't help. I lost a parent when I was 12, and it felt like I was going to die myself... Know this... no matter what happens, 6 months or a year from the day she dies, it will seem dramatically different than it does in the first couple of weeks afterward. Grieving is a process. It takes time, and probably can't be accelerated.

Answer 3

I wish I could help you; I don't know how to deal with my mother's lung cancer, which has also caused a rare condition of slowly blinding her. I take her to the movies (while she can still see), to brunch, shopping, etc.--when she is able to go anywhere. A lot of the time she's too sick. Get her things she wants, needs, get prescriptions...mostly, I think, you just need to be there. Even if the two of you are just silent. Sit together. And also, my mother likes getting flowers. Spend as much time together as you can. There is little else to do except be with her because you love her. If you need to cry, try to leave the room or turn the other way so she can't see. I'm so sorry. Kind regards. Me

Answer 4

Honey, i am so sorry about your Mom. I know exactly what you are going through. My mom got sick in 2003 with pancreatic cancer. The drs. said there was nothing they could do except keep her pain under control.They tried. but my mom suffered so bad.I took care of her at home until the last week of her life,she was in hospital.the pain was unbearable for her.I stayed by her side day and night. kept telling her how much i loved her.Finally one night i took her hand and told her it was ok to go that i would be ok and that i loved her so much.She was unconsious but she heard me because i lost her the next morning 5 minutes before i got to her room.it was the first time i had left her side.When i got to her room i knew she was gone.I felt the angel of death at the door.I asked the nurses and docs if i could be alone with my mom.That's when i broke down, but i knew she wasn't suffering anymore.Coping with the fact that you are losing someone isn't easy,you just have to be strong for her and take it one day at a time.I think about my mom every day and i love and miss her so much, My thoughts and prayers are with you both.God Bless.If you need or want to talk my email is [e-mail]

Answer 5

first of all Im very sorry, but I guess just try to talk and express how you feel right now. you will be going through so many emotions in the future and this will be a life changing experience that nobody will know unless they have been through it. I didnt lose my mother but I lost my sister of uterine cancer when she was 33. Spend as much time with your mom and have her record a message to you or write you a letter you can keep with you forever. take alot of pictures together and try to find ways to remember that will last into the future. cry as much as you want.

Answer 6

Oh my God,I'm soo sorry for both u and ur mother.I've been trough the pain,I know how hard it can be.My dearest uncle passed away a few years ago because of cancer.It left a big hole inside our family.He was like a second father to me,he did not deserve to die so young(he was only 44,may he rest in peace)Only time heals all wounds,but bits and pieces of the pain remain.U have to be strong and remember that u are not alone!If u want,u can email me.I'd be more than willing to show my support to a person that needs it.

Answer 7

I am so sorry for you. Realize that soon your mom will be free of the suffering she is going through. Be thankful for having had her in your life and realize that even though she is going to die she will always be a part of you. She is the one who is dying here and as a mom the hardest thing for me would be the idea of having my child see me suffer and also to have to leave...I don't know what your religious upbringing is (if any) but I believe everything happens for a reason and I believe in a life after death. Hold onto your faith and remember what it is that she is going through as well. Do you have any close friends or family to lean on? You need someone to help you get through this. Be strong..

Answer 8

Spend time with her. Make your peace with her. This whole situation may seem overwhelming, but at least you have the opportunity to be a support to her. Do the things that you would want your daughter to do. It may be very close to her time, but at least you have the opportunity to spend QUALITY time with her yet. Comfort her by being a good and dutiful daughter. Life is hard, but you will probably see her inner strength, and you will probably be surprised. Pray, and hope for a miracle. Remember that everyone has their time, try to give her the most dignity that you can. After all, life is about quality, not quantity.

Answer 9

I am so sorry to hear this. Here is the only advice I can give you:

You must concentrate your efforts on her, and her comfort. Dedicate your attention to her. Leave yourself and your worries for the future aside.

This is why I'm suggesting this: If you spend time worrying about yourself, you will be weaker for it, and less able to do things that need to be done.

But, most importantly, there will come a day when you will look back on this unhappy time, and you will be able to say, "At least, I did everything I could, and didn't think of myself."

I'm so sorry, and I hope for the best for you and your family.

-Victory.

Answer 10

WOW =( reading these responses are making me cry.

I feel soooo soooo sad. I'm very sorry that you are going through this very tough time. But I agree with everyone else, that you need to be there with your mother and spend what time that she has left with her.

I'm sooo sorry. I wish someone could just find a cure.

=(

PRAY.

Jimmy V. The sports guy had cancer and tell your mother exactly what he said. "DON'T GIVE UP, DON'T EVER GIVE UP"

best of luck to you and your family..