Money is a sense of security for me. Hubby is not happy what should I do?

Question

I am a military spouse. I reside in Japan and do whatever it is to make $ I do hair, mani, pedi, clean houses, do laundry, within reason I do it. My husband is mad b/c the 1st and 15th are his paydays and he doesn't no what I make. If he were to look on the calendar, it clearly states everything coming in, however nothing going out. I do have some reciepts for groceries and I told him I pay tithing, gifts aren't cheep. He refuses to look at n e thing! I failed to pay on our creditcard b/c of the holidays for 2 months and I have an acct. of my own but he has no access to it. I'm afraid he will drain it. I am not a spender I am stingy, tight, he likes to spend and never does with out! What should I do??? Marriage difficulties as well.

Answer 1

Gee ! this is a problem. Money, the root of all evil !! You two are so different on money issues. I am like you, I need to know that I am not living from day to day. It is a sense of security. If you two can't sit down together and work out a budget in a peaceful loving manner then you need to seek some professonal help. I think you will find a sorce of that type assistance at your military base. Seek a finacial officer and ask for help. Your husband may balk, if he does, go without him. When they see your plight,they will bring him in as well. My husband is retired military and so I know a bit about the help spouses can get if they seek it. In the beginning of my marriage, my husband was involved with another woman and was casting me aside. I went to his commanding officer and told him my problem in tears probaly and he had a talk with my husband and that little romance came to a halt. You see my husbands career meant a lot to him and now he seen it as being threatened with a bad report. I remained threatened until we transfered from the area of that woman however. Trust was not there.
You are stationed in a place now where all kinds of pampering services are available at a very reasonable price. To bad you can't be enjoying those benifits outside the base.
I don't know that I or any indiviual can help you but we sure can understand where you are coming from. Keeping money secrets is a bad thing too. In your situation, may be necessary. We don't know. I wish you a solution to your problem. I hurt for you. Please know that others care and Have a Happy New Year ~!!

Answer 2

Sounds like you could use some financial counseling and a budget to work from together. Try sitting down as a couple to figure out the budget so he can be aware of what is needed each month to pay the basic bills. Come up with a plan like splitting the leftover money at the end of the month after all bills are paid, between you. Then each of you can do what you want with your half. This is a great way to get everybody on the same page and keep each person in the relationship happy and feeling independant.

Answer 3

Not an easy question this one.

From a logical point of view...

1) Most couples these days put their money together in order to achieve a goal. Usually working towards buying a house. As you cannot buy a house on one salary anymore.

2) If he waste money on things (according to you)... it is fair enough that you won't let him spend your money. But if you are stingy... perhaps you have to look at it from its point of view. Being in the army is no picnic in the park and he probably need to spend money to enjoy himself after a tough week or whatever.

3) If you have other marriage difficulties... the money part of it might be just an excuse for an argument.

4) In any case... the whole point of getting married is to have no secret for each other and share everything. If you wanted to go to work and keep your money... you should have remained single. How would you feel if your husband kept all his money for himself?

Answer 4

The two of you need to work together to come to an agreement - hiding money is lying. No sugar coating it - it's a dishonest part of your relationship.
I would highly recommend you seek financial counseling to help you both learn how to work with money. I would also recommend reading Dave Ramey's book Financial Peace.
If your young then learn now to handle your finances and debt, before you know it you will be up to your eyeballs with nothing saved.

If you cannot talk about money then it will always be an angry point between you.

Answer 5

It doesn't sound to me like money is a sense of security. It sounds like you are in a marriage which means your finances should not be as secretive as you seem to need them to be. You need to look at why you fear him "taking " from you. You need to have more honesty in your relationship as far as spending and income goes. You act like you are still single. Also it sounds like both of you are spenders but you seem to be trying to justify your spending. Why is that? First of all take a good look at yourself and be honest, then decide what kind of life to you want to live. A marriage full of secrets (even if it is about money) is not going to last. Consider going for couples counseling if you two cannot talk ...sometimes a mediator can help.

Answer 6

Money seems to be a symptom of deeper problems in your relationship. Starting with a written budget would be the first step. You ought to check out Dave Ramsey - maybe get some webcasts of his programs and/or order some of his books. He gives great advice on this type of thing.

Answer 7

I understand your plight.I am the only sole bread winner and i am supporting my family.what u should do is talk opening with your parthner about the situation.sit down on a good wkend and voice our.Explain the situation and let him know u have been trying to save and etc.Let him know the price of everything.Life is tough and money is hard to earn.explain and be honest is the best situation.show him all the receipts and etc

Answer 8

Sounds like you need to keep saving your money incase of a divorce. If your in a military family, there shouldn't be any financial problems. Everything should be paid for, am I right? If not, you got a bum deal. Seek counceling if you want to save your marriage. But, keep saving your money. :)

Answer 9

sounds as if he needs financial counselling from his 1st sgt.

personally, I'd take my savings and enjoy a few weeks in Japan and then leave him. for good. sounds as if he can't trust you and is mad because he can't make you do his bidding.

I'd guess army or Marine, enlisted, possibly black.

good luck.

Answer 10

I also have a brother who likes electronics, too. maximum adult adult males are merely massive boys. They artwork confusing, yet they think of they want their toys to cause them to chuffed. To a definite quantity, i do no longer see something incorrect with that. all of us have our priorities in what we want to do with our money. in some unspecified time interior the destiny, someone has to p.c. how plenty it is relatively worth it to them to maintain pursuing extra. noticeably in the event that they are lacking out on the here and now with their family participants participants because of the fact they are so busy chasing the carrot! it relatively is sweet he has ambition, tension and targets in ideas, yet he might want reminding from time to time of the place the real happiness lies.