Why do I always react with feelings of pity?

Question

Whenever I see people in wheelchairs or for example down syndrome or somthing physically impaired. I always feel some pity and always avoid starig at them because I don't want them to be offended. I really want to get rid of this feeling I know they are not pityfull and are equal to me but why do I always get such an awkward feeling. It's so stupid of me.

Answer 1

I think what you experience is a normal reaction, and the fact that you are sensitive to the reality of the situation...that they are equal and not pitiful, just shows that you have compassion. If you want to get rid of the feeling, I suggest that you perhaps volunteer your time to an organization such as the Special Olympics, or some other group that works with people with various disabilities. I think if you got to really know these people one-on-one, rather than seeing them in passing, you would bolster the positive feelings and attitudes toward them.

My son has Down syndrome, and I have occasionally had people react to him with pity. I don't get angry (unless they are rude) but I do try to use the opportunity to educate people and assure tem that my son is bright and happy and really very normal!

Answer 2

Perfectly natural. You see someone who hasn't got the great advantages you have and you feel sorry for them. This makes you a human being. If you want to get rid of this feeling, go and do some volunteer work with people in wheelchairs/with down's and it'll help you to understand how they see things.
Most of these people won't want your pity, they'll just view themselves the same as you, although there are a few that don't. Simple things like holding a door open for a disabled person, helping them on a bus, smiling at someone with down's (it's great, their whole face lights up) will help you to get over this. I know exactly how you feel. I signed up for a volunteer course to work with down's kids at a special needs school and it made such a difference. You see how they see the world, and it's a great thing to do. I also made friends with a girl at my school who is in a wheelchair, and we can talk about everything, including how I used to feel. She's great about it. So just try some volunteer work and see how you get on. Good luck!
I'm 17, by the way, if that helps at all??

Answer 3

As a wheelchair user you seem like one of the most compasionate people I have come across.

Compassion is good, pity tends to be a more negative thing because it can become patronising. Compasion just means that you understand life can be more difficult for some people but still see them as people.

To me, you sound compasionate, not pitiful. The best thing you could do if you met me in a shop or in town is just smile, and hold the door open! I don't ask for special treatment, but its amazing the amount of people who just don't think. Small things like holding doors open or not walking in front of a wheelchair when I'm going down the street make a difference. DOn't worry about having compassion, if only more people did!

Answer 4

Get to know a handicapped person, up close. That way you'll be able to see them as "Brian, who happens to be in a wheelchair" instead of "a person who has a problem." The best way to stop feeling awkward is to face your fear...which is what it is. You're afraid--perhaps that they will do something or say something embarassing or that you won't be able to handle. There may also be an element of primal fear...as if their disability were somehow contagious. I know you don't think that on a conscious level, but it may be buried deep in your emotional psyche.
There are many organizations that help the handicapped, you might find ways to get involved and start meeting some of these people as what they are--interesting, unique individuals with a lot to offer.

Answer 5

Wait, there's nothing wrong! It's human reaction! In fact, you did the right thing of not staring them. There's no need to get rid of this feeling as it is positive, not negative.

But there are certain things you can do;
1) always give way to the disabled, and apologise for blocking their ways.
2) send a smile to them that will brighten their day.
3) help a disabled person if you see them travelling alone.

=)

Answer 6

I don't think this feeling is stupid at all, in fact I think it is quite common.

It is often difficult to define your true feelings abouit people when they are the subject of social pressures and fashions. It is one of the reasons why so many people find it difficult to honestly discuss our racism.

I think in this case though the main problem is that when we see people with disabilities we are often reduced to feeling helpless to aid them in any useful way, so we create stronger feelings about them than we would otherwise do.

There is a self help organisation for people with disabilities called 'piss on pity'. I don't think it is meant for anyone to stop feeling it, I think it is meant to stop people being motivated by it. They are two different things.

Answer 7

I don't think it is stupid of you. If no-one ever had had feelings of pity, then very few good works would have got done. No-one would have campaigned against slavery, or bad conditions in prisons, or for those who are less able. I think you are reacting in the natural way.

Answer 8

its not stupid feeling that way. it is the feelings of a kind and caring individual, and u are probably scared that it could be you. if u cant help staring, look into their eyes and give them a smile, that will brighten their day, and yours too. lots of people react that way, but by saying you know they are equal to me, means you have the right idea. good for you

Answer 9

Don't be daft! it's not stupid!
I think alot of people have the same feeling, and it is a good thing as there is alot of nasty people in this world who would laugh at disabled people and get a kick out of it! Don't feel stupid you are obviously a nice kind person! have a grate new year! xxx

Answer 10

Well from next time you get that opportunity . look them , and look them very carefully that inspite not being normal like you and me they can still make up and that means they are more determine and strong then us.