I've been in a good relationship for 4 years.but i recently found out that my boyfriend talks to women online..i.e. dirty talk..n even uses his webcam for this purpose.he doesnt know any of these women personally.And i suspect there's one woman he specially chats with. everything else about our relationship is great.he loves n cares bout me.and i love him very very much.I always try to keep him happy in every way.I have no idea why this has happened.And it has shattered my trust in him.What should i do? Should i confront him with this issue...or just let things be the way they are,hoping he will get over it in some time...??PLEASE help.
2006-12-28 23:02:42 · 12 answers · asked by tina 2 in Family & Relationships ➔ Singles & Dating
i found all this out because i had the password to his messenger. i had suspected this 6 months back but we had at that time mutually agreed to not talk bout it. and he had assured me that all he needed was me..and that i was most important to him. consequently,he cleared all such women from his messenger...but left one(the one i've mentioned earlier). he even sent her christmas greetings and messages saying he misses her! im there for him everyday..then why someone elseim scared that even if i do confront him,he might just change his yahoo id or something..and i wont ever find out what he's upto. how should i talk to him in a way that'll really make a difference...help..anyone?
2006-12-28 23:38:22 · update #1
Yes you should confront h im. Tell him you're real and you are there for him. Tell him the person on the computer is just a fantasy and if can't get out of his fantasy world then you will leave him.
2006-12-28 23:04:59 · answer #1 · answered by Rocky 6 · 2⤊ 0⤋
The only similar experience I've had was when a 'short term boyfriend' signed up for several on line dating services prior to our breaking up. I thought things were going great at the time. He left enough evidence around his computer to clue me in, but didn't actually tell me about it. He merely shrugged it off when I brought it up. He claimed no one could keep his attention for more than a week. He's now moved on to dating someone alot more naive and still stays in touch with me under the guise of 'friendship.' I have sympathy for his new girl b/c I'm guessing she has no clue about his internet dating contacts and considers him to be faithful. His definition and view of being faithful is alot different than mine. You're situation is different as you're in a long term relationship, but his on line activities are still indicative of a looming problem. He may be like many other guys, he's bored but doesn't want to end the relationship with you until he finds someone else that captivates his interest. He's definitely exploring other options and trying to determine what's out there. You aren't going to be able to ignore this issue even if you don't vocalize it. You'll probably have some hidden resentment about it that will surface in some manner. For that reason, I suggest you confront the issue and determine your own feelings as well as his. Trust is a impt. part of a good relationship and it hurts when that trust is broken. It's not a matter of insecurity on your part or your lack of willingness to 'make him happy in every way'. Sometimes it's impossible to make another person happy. Consider how happy he's making you at this point and whether you can trust him in the future.
2006-12-28 23:18:18 · answer #2 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
The situation explained has not got much of danger signs. It seems to be just a bad habit and as you must be overreacting, he tends to it in a more irritating manner. You must not make an issue out of this and try to know the reasons as of now. At some later stage, say after 4-5 days, you may discuss with him. If it is just for the sake of fun, there should be no problem and he could be made to get rid of the habit.
Tell him you do not like this and if he gradually stops doing that, you should be fine with that. If he does not, you may tell him that he shall have to make a choice. If he really loves, this trivial thing could be avoided by him.
2006-12-28 23:14:25 · answer #3 · answered by sharma.kulbhushan 5 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Uh oh. If this really bothers you, confront him. Believe me.
My friend and I chat with men on line in similar situations (they have girlfriends or wives) and sometimes the chat gets X-rated. I always wonder if they are in committed relationships or if they are on the rocks.
I see such behavior as a form of cheating. But mind you, some girls don't mind their men doing this.
But since you do, I think it is definitely a problem that he's into this. And no you shouldn't expect him to grow out of it. If you don't say anything, he will assume that you don't mind (even if he knows that you do). It's addictive and it only gets worse. Talk to him AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.
I hope this helps.
2006-12-28 23:08:01 · answer #4 · answered by Cindarella R 2 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Well if you have been with him this long and you have always trusted him before then yes you need to confront him. Nothing good can come from you knowing this about him and not making it known to him that you know. IT is very unfair that he do this to you and also for him to perform on cam..Im all for females having men as friends and vice versa however talking the way he is whenhe is with someone then that is still a problem. Not only that he can get himself in trouble online. Showing to someone he doesnt know for sure and not sure who he is talking to is unsafe. you said yourself it has shattered your trust in him. so that is to tell you that you may not ever trust him. Sit him down and tell him what you know and that you are not comfortable with it. If he refuses to give it up or you feel that you cant gain that trust back then its time to move on and make a life for youself. I know its a hard decision to make but im sure that you will make the right one for you and him. Good luck
2006-12-28 23:10:10 · answer #5 · answered by busy_softball_mom 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Yes, confront him. If it is a true relationship that will survive for your lifetime, you will both be closer and will grow as individuals. If it cannot handle open communication about such things then it is just a matter of time until it ends anyway. Best to get on with it either way.
2006-12-28 23:08:05 · answer #6 · answered by PerfectlyOK2BImperfect 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Some men get addicted to anonymous sex. Sometimes, I think, it's because of issues in their past, but it's hard to say if it's the case with your bf. If you love him and it's a good relationship it's worthwhile to try and be understanding. If you feel that you can stay with him despite what he does, you should talk if over with him, but in a calm way. And remember that he doesn't feel for those women what he feels for you.
2006-12-28 23:16:00 · answer #7 · answered by Amelie 6 · 0⤊ 0⤋
That is the bane of internet. The virus corrupts not only the computers but our minds. Try and talk to him either yourself or through some common friend about the unethics of this behaviour.
2006-12-28 23:17:22 · answer #8 · answered by Anonymous · 0⤊ 0⤋
You must confront him. It's cheating in my book and I wouldn't put up with it my relationship. It's highly unlikely that he will just stop chatting on line, because it is addictive and from what I understand, only gets worse. And, the sick feeling that you probably feel in your stomach won't go away. Your resentments and insecurities will also get worse and who needs all that?
2006-12-29 06:00:58 · answer #9 · answered by ginagina 1 · 0⤊ 1⤋
Why shouldnt u.threaten to leave him and see what he does.Confront him and if he denies.Find out the persons name
2006-12-28 23:14:13 · answer #10 · answered by D girl 1 · 0⤊ 0⤋