Ok, so my sister and I are both about to turn 21 and we live at home. We plan to move out with one of our close friends by january of this upcoming year. The thing is that I made the mistake of telling my mom about our plans and she said, and I quote "So you guys are just gonna leave and not help me out with paying rent?" I then told her that I didnt like where we live and wanted to move out and she had the nerve to say "So you are gonna help other ppl with rent rather than helping me??" Now, I know that it seems kind of mean to let her deal with her own rent problems and leave but the thing is that she has always been dependent on her children or on my dad for money. Im tired of living with the family but havent been able to move because I needed to help her out. She has no job and she doesnt even plan on getting one!!! Are we wrong if we leave her behind?? (if we do she will be depending on my brother). I REALLY NEED UR OPINIONS!!! THANKS!!
2006-12-28 22:59:53 · 19 answers · asked by Anonymous in Family & Relationships ➔ Family
your mother is trying to lay a guilt trip on you. You are not wrong for wanting to move out. I feel for your brother although, it is time you lead your own lives and not have to worry about supporting your mother. She will have to learn that she is going to have to work and support herself.
2006-12-28 23:49:30 · answer #1 · answered by Anonymous · 1⤊ 1⤋
You have every right to move out whenever you feel like it.
It does sound like there is no love lost between you and your mum. I guess that if she had done the right thing by you in the past... you would help her out now.
However... parents have no right to expect their kids to support them financially. The parents are responsible for their kids... Not the other way around.
The only thing you did wrong here... was not to give her any warning. You should have told her at least 3 months ago... so that she would have time to find an alternative. It is a bit of a shock to her... and she is going to be bitter about it and try to make you feel guilty. That is fairly natural. But you must not forget that she still is your mother... and if anything... you have to respect her as a mother. She did bring you up and you only did get where you are today because of her.
It still is not a crime to be dependant on your husband for money. At the time your mother got married... it was still very common for women not to work.
2006-12-29 01:08:06 · answer #2 · answered by Aussies-Online 5 · 1⤊ 0⤋
YOur mother needs to get a job and pay her own rent. It is so hard when mothers make us feel guilty. I have been there on that one. You and your sister are at an age that it is time for you to move out and live your own life. Don't feel bad. However, I would feel bad for your brother? How old is he and will he be able to move out too? She is probably going to really cling to him so make sure you go out of your way to spend some time with your brother and help him if he needs help dealing with your mom. No matter what you do with your mother she may see it as wrong, so don't worry about that part of it.
Good Luck to you.
2006-12-29 02:07:41 · answer #3 · answered by goldensparkler61 4 · 0⤊ 0⤋
this is a tricky one.
Can your parents afford to live without your financial support?
You and your sister have to communicate what is depressing you.
Why don't you want to stay at home? And Will you be happier to live away?
I moved out of my family home 1 year ago, im 20 now and i wish i waited a little longer because it's not what it's cracked up to be. Also you end up paying twice as much when you live away then if you stay at home. There's the groceries, rent, electricity, gas, transport, fuel etc that comes with it.
Think about it abit more, if you still want to move im sure your parents will get over it and everybody wins.
2006-12-28 23:09:16 · answer #4 · answered by caboodles111 2 · 1⤊ 0⤋
While I think it is great that you and your sister have been helping your Mom out with her bills, I also think it is time for you to venture out on your own and have the ability to live your own lives and have your own place. It's only fair to you. Your Mom is putting the guilt trip on you and your sister and she shouldn't be doing that. Your Mom can get a part time job to make up the extra money she needs, but shouldn't be so dependant upon her children. You are just starting out your adult life and you deserve to try life on your own. Just be sure you explain to your Mom that you are not doing this to her, but just trying to start your own life now. Tell her that you will still be there for her when she needs a friend or someone to talk to. Good Luck!!!
2006-12-29 00:17:00 · answer #5 · answered by vanhammer 7 · 1⤊ 0⤋
Any loving mother would be sad to see her children leave the nest, but that should be out of love. From what you have said that is not the case. Just as parents are told to use tough love, it seems like you are in the need of showing her some. Honey, you are 21 and plenty old enough to be on your own. Teach her some responsibility.....it is not too late. Good Luck!
2006-12-29 00:57:54 · answer #6 · answered by stacey h 3 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Sounds like your mom is alone at this time, if this is the case than talk to her and explain that your not leaving the country just moving to make your own way in life and you'd like her support. She may be feeling bad or sad and needs reassurence at this time. Her children are leaving her nest and she's having difficulty with this . Be supportive and reassure her you won't be far away.
2006-12-28 23:06:13 · answer #7 · answered by Louisa R 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋
When a parent supports his/her child it's called obligation, but when a child helps his/her parents, it's charity. As much as children want to help their parents out once they start earning money, it is not their duty to do so. Your obligation will be to yourself and to your future family. In the Philippine setup it is very common for children to support their parents once they start working, but I think sometimes this hinders the children from starting their own lives. Some don't even get to save money for their own future, so plans of settling down with someone remain on hold. Live your life because it is yours and don't feel obligated to help your mother.
2006-12-29 00:29:46 · answer #8 · answered by ponder2006 2 · 0⤊ 1⤋
I'm seeing this from the point of view of your mother. If you two move out, are you leaving her in a pinch? I mean, she does have to pay the rent, which includes your room. Welcome to the world of adulthood where you can't just pick up and move!
2006-12-29 01:41:39 · answer #9 · answered by arewethereyet 7 · 0⤊ 0⤋
Parents raise kids, parents support their kids financially. Your mom needs to grow up and welcome herself to the world. She needs to get a job to support her family. It's not up to the kids to support the parents. That is completley unexceptable. You have to the right to move out! Your 21 years old! My mom said she moved out at 20. You have the right to move out. You're an adult and with that comes privaleges(sp?) tell your mom that she needs to be the adult of the familly and get a job. Because depending on her kids to support her is completley rude and self centered of her.
2006-12-29 02:34:54 · answer #10 · answered by NICOLE 3 · 1⤊ 0⤋