Visiting at the cemetery?

Question

I was interested that when most people visit a loved one would it be on the anniversary they died or on there birthday as I was wondering what the correct etiquette is?

Answer 1

Screw etiquette - you go when you miss the person.

Answer 2

Whatever feels right to you... some will go on their birthday, others prefer the anniversary of their death, others come on a special day like a marriage anniversary or whatever... Some people visit regularly and others visit rarely if ever.
I don't think there are 'rules' for this, it's mostly the thought that counts, unless you have to keep up the grave yourself. In that case it's good etiquette to come often enough to keep it looking sorta nice and tidy, unless the entire graveyard is a very old & overgrown one. I personally think a very messy grave on an otherwise well-kept graveyard looks out of place, that doesn't seem like proper etiquette to me... Of course the kind of stone/plants you use make a difference there too, some would require more upkeep and others hardly at all!

Answer 3

This is very personal and I don't really think there is a right or wrong time to visit a loved one at the cemetery. My dad died back in '99. When he was first buried, I went to the cemetery all the time. I would sit there on his grave and cry and it was for no special reason except that I missed him. As the years went by, I would go on his birthday, Father's Day, Veteran's Day....now I rarely go because I don't feel compelled to do so anymore. But for a while, it was a comfort.

Answer 4

There is no etiquette about cemetery visits - go whenever you feel like it. It's nice to remember a loved one's birthday &/or anniversary. I always visit my family graves at Christmas.

Answer 5

I dont think there is a right or a wrong time to visit cemetery. If you feel the need to be close to a loved one then I'd say that's the time to visit.

Answer 6

Etiquette doesn't come into it, when you lose a loved one, you visit anytime and as many times as you want to. I have to travel 26 miles to visit my mum and dads grave but I do try to go as often as I can and in the summer months I like to go every Sunday

Answer 7

There's no etiquette, you go when you feel the need to. However, some people do visit at Christmas and lay flowers, to include the deceased in their thoughts. And on their birthdays, which I think is weird since they have no further birthdays. A girl I know went to her mother's grave on her wedding day, in full wedding dress, to lay her bouquet there - as she said, her mother would have wished to see her on her special day and she wanted to see her mum. Everyone thought it was very touching.

Answer 8

Birthday, anniversary of death, Christmas, any other time you feel like it.

I often pop up to see my mum and dad and take them some flowers. I have a little chat with them while I'm there.

Don't worry about correct etiquette.

Answer 9

There is no correct etiquette for anything. What's important is manners which is more about making sure people are treated properly regardless of 'form' or tradition. Anyhow to your question. You go to the graveside when either you miss that person or need to connect with their memories. My family favour going on thier birthdays, as we see it as giving thanks for their lives. Other families will see the date of death more appropiate. It's your choice, and please don't do it just because its expected, do it because it brings you a space for quiteness, if nothing else.

Answer 10

There does not seem to be any particular etiquette. Its just that you are drawn there by your emotions at times that were important to you when your loved one was alive..Do your own thing .My mother told me to buy some flowers and keep them in the house for all to enjoy, in her memory ,rather than leave them in the cemetery ,but we all have our own ways.What suits one doesn't necessarily suit another.

Answer 11

As a non-beliver, I often wish that my parents were not buried in the church yard. There are so many stone crosses around that sometimes I feel like a vampire. I feel un welcome there and then I think about how disappointed my mother was with me when I chose science over God. I have no regrets about that, only that she was hurt by it.. It is better to stay away from graveyards, remember those you love the way they were, remember the good times when you were all together..