Do you confront the rapist?

Question

Next month it'll be five years since it happen and I was browsing pages on myspace and came across his. I was 14 when it happen I trusted him and he brought his friends over. We turned off the lights and closed the door *had no lock* they were in the living room. Anyways, they came in the room and took turns. I was a virgin then and I never really healed over the incident and I personally believe in closure and I was wondering do I send him a message or just let it go?
**Also I never pressed charges because I blamed myself and now that I am older I know it is not my fault that a 19 year old took advance of me.

I'm not trying to talk to them I am just trying to let them know that for a few years it messed me up in so many ways but I am a stronger person even though they broke me down and lied to people telling them they just ran a train which they did but I said no! I cried and tried to scream but they covered my mouth and held me down. For years I had nightmares and I'm just wondering should I let them know that they didn't kill Carmel that I am able to go on with my life??

It happen five years ago and I don't have proof anymore so I'm not sure if I can report it :-(

Answer 1

I don't think that MySpace would be the appropriate venue to discuss this, either way. I really hate that happened to you.

In the mind of this guy and his friends, they were just having fun and weren't doing anything wrong. And they probably still have the same attitude. Guys with that mindset rarely ever change. You're only going to rip open an old wound - healed or not - and probably set yourself up for some really hurtful responses from the guy your confronting. It is hard enough to make yourself believe that being raped is not your fault, the last thing you need is to hear from him that it is.

Rape is about having power over a situation, and by letting this as*hole know that you haven't healed from what happened is only allowing him to keep the power in his mind. He doesn't need to know how he ruined your life, or how he took something away from you that you'll never get back. He'll laugh it off and let it build up that power rush for him again ... and only leave you frustrated and in pain.

The best thing you can do is continue to move on with your life. I know that it is hard, but corresponding with him will only end up making you feel like that scared little kid who blamed herself. I don't believe that you can ever truly heal from something like that ... but you don't have to let it bring you down either. Confronting him now is not going to make you feel empowered.

*Edit -- The best way to show them that you can move on with your life is to do just that. Bringing it up to them, whether you stand strong or not, will show them that it is still there in your mind ... and that goes back to that power thing. If you're moving on with your life, and you are proud of yourself ... that's all you need! YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING TO PROVE TO THOSE AS*HOLES.

Answer 2

I don't really know what you should do...in the end it might only end in a confrontation that would scar you even more...But I do know this, if it happened 4 years ago, I wouldn't go to the cops. It's already been too long, they wouldn't have any evidence except your word over it. And many would just dismiss it as soon as they hear that it was 4 years ago. Sorry, but it's true. It happened to my cousin about a year ago. But she never told the cops until about 3 or 4 months later, by then it was too late for them to get any evidence on the case. So as much as they wanted to help, there was nothing they could do. Sorry I couldn't help with your confrontation problem, but I just thought if you knew this then it would save you alot of pain from having to bring the whole thing out again just to be disappointed. I wish you all the best in recovering and if you ever need to talk or something email me. [e-mail]. I'd be happy tot alk to you about whatever it is since I really understand where your coming from. My cousin hasn't recovered yet and she's just...a shell pretty much since the incident and it breaks my heart. So any help I can offer you or anyone else, I'd be happy to. Good luck and I hope you can figure out what to do about messaging him or not.

Answer 3

Do whatever your heart tells you needs to be done. Whatever will give you some piece of mind and help you heel. If simply posting a blog every day on his my space would be enough for you do it every day until you feel like you have got your point across. Don't ever reply to any response he might make, just keep stating the facts about this pervert. Personally I would do everything I could think of legally to make all of them pay dearly, And maybe think twice before doing this to someone else. But it didn't happen to me, and I have no idea what kind of hell you have been through the last five years. Honestly it does need to be reported to the police even if you don't press charges. Who knows if any of them has did this again or will in the future, it would be a great help to another victim, and maybe their case , having a report of the rape. I don't know the statue is on this, but it is a criminal and civil matter. From what you said happened it sounds like it was not the first time they have did this. It sounds to planed out. Who knows this person might progress to worse offenses. He is a very sick man. Just living through such an experience show how strong you are. You do whatever you think is best for you. But please at least make an official report of this.

Answer 4

I am so sorry you had to suffer this way. I have never fortunately had to go through anything like this but I do know of others who have. I have heard of some cases where it was too late to do anything about it but I have also heard of women getting justice 15+ after the incident. I suggest now that you have the strength, with the support of family and friends, you should report the incident. Atleast there will be a report on paper and you may save another girl from suffering the same dismay as you.

Answer 5

Honey, you need to report it, now. Go to the police and spill everything to them. He's a predator and needs to be stopped.
I don't personally think you should confront him, especially on the web, that could make him run, at least right now you (and the police) know where he is. The statute of limitations on sexual crimes varies by state but you need to report this now. Reporting him, testifying against him and seeing justice will give you the closure you need to really move on. While you have healed, you aren't every 100% over something like this but seeing this violent man punished will help, I promise.

Answer 6

What they did to you is WRONG WRONG WRONG!!! Some people (wiser than I) feel sorry for people like this because they believe that, some day these boys will experientially know the pain they have caused.

It's hard for me, still suffering from similar experiences, to know that someday, evil, baby-rapping, selfish sickos will be powerless victims. And, that once, I was like them. But I do believe in reincarnation. I do believe in Karma.

The pain of being angry at them is too excruciating to bear. I trust than when I eventually heal, I will have sympathy for anyone who suffers this unrelenting horror. I wish you the same. Peace.

Answer 7

You are the only one who can decide what to do. If you think it will help you then go ahead. Can there be any repercussions from you sending him an email?
Whatever you decide to do just remember that you are who you are today because of the things, good and bad, that have happened in your life. Celebrate your strength.
Good luck

Answer 8

Many states require that you report something within 5 years of happening, so it might be to late to do anything about it on the legal level.

Answer 9

Hello =)

If you strongly believe that this would bring you some closure, then I would confront him, but definitely not alone....

Doing it via email might give you the same result, and seeing it in writing might (might) drive it further home into his thick brain.

I am so terribly sorry for this. I would have it otherwise, if I could.

Namaste, and Happy New Year,

--Tom

Answer 10

/you may desire to flow to the PD the place the attack occurred and ask to speak with a Detective. tell them which you're there through fact your BF is scared for in spite of reason. Now- a word of warning- the PD does not would desire to open a case purely when you consider which you advised them what occurred, nor will your tale positioned the criminal in the back of bars, as your BF is the sole one that could document the crime- he's mandatory for prosecution. in spite of the incontrovertible fact that, the Det. would take on the case and flow and communicate alongside with your BF, who would desire to finally finally end up placing out up with reference to the incident, hence open up the case for prosecution. i does not advise confronting the criminal, because it is going to open you as much as the opportunity of harm/attack and so on. the very appropriate factor you're able to do is to cajole your BF to speak to the Police himself. Threaten which you will if he wont, and so on. it might get the ball rolling. appropriate of success. And gay or not- no one merits to be sufferer of a sexual attack.